Need a Woman's perspective on whether this girl likes me or not
- Thread starter ryansambas
- Start date
That was a spanktastic post, spanky. Repped. A lot of it hit home for me. I'm not believing in myself enough these days (I probably have never believed in myself enough). Yesterday I was checking out this hot young girl in my gym. She caught me looking, we made eye contact. I looked away first. We made eye contact two more times and each time I looked away first. I also didn't have the balls to go over to her and start a conversation. I obviously don't believe in myself enough. My automatic response was "she's probably thinking, what the hell is that guy looking at?". I guess my question to you is, how do you believe in yourself more? It's easier said than done right? It kinda makes me feel like the 'be confident' advice. It's hard to be confident when deep down know you are not.
Btw, good luck ryan, fingers crossed.
Fuckkkkkkk this feels so shitty at the moment. I said this is the day, if I had a calendar I would have marked it down (maybe not lol) but I said this was the day, I'd be a 'customer' and she'd be at the counter and it wouldn't take long and I could go home afterwards but instead I get called into work 1:30-7pm, she normally starts in a different area at 1.30 but she didnt start till 7pm tonight for some reason so okay then I'll ask her when my shift finishes, right? Nopeeee someone calls in sick in the area I'm in and I get asked if I can work until 10 so I accept, thinking oh well we'll both finish at the same time, we will walk out together and it could actually be great with just us two outside or what not? But nooo she leaves a couple minutes early and I leave 5 minutes late (couldn't be helped).
Now technically I didn't have to work today but I said to my manager I was available for today (Christmas Launch is this weekend so it's really busy from November onwards) plus I could use the extra money. But it would be one thing if I said I didn't do it because I pussied out but that wasn't it, I really wanted to do it so badly.
I had mini conversations with her as I walked past or she walked past but I didn't have even 1 minute to spare because I was always doing something in my area and she was too far away for me to just walk over to her.
Maybe this all happened for a reason? Look at how many things happened.
1. She didn't work from her usual time at 1.30pm (hence actually why I was called to work) but started at 7
2. I was meant to finish at 7 but someone called in sick so I had to finish at 10
3. We exited the store 8 minutes apart
We still had a laugh and good talk (like I said it wasn't that long) but ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It was only a few sentences at most.
One of them was I said to her "I don't like you at the moment, you're the reason why I got called in" (jokingly) and she said "As if you don't like me" and smiled. Now yes I would have done it there but I was just walking past busy with my work
I'll go by Quarzan's post though, I'm not posting anything else in her at all if it isn't me asking her out and also I'm not hanging around, I'm living as a single male. I don't have a 'date' for when or if I'll ask her out, if I see her again soon I will but I'm not planning it, plans break down. It'll be spur of the moment. For the time being if I see another opportunity, I'm taking it.
Sorry for the long post, I know I disappointed you's and worst of all myself
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Ryan, I think you can probably hear me slapping myself in the face from there.
Your problem is you're making too many plans instead of just going for it. I told you this before, when you treat it like a military operation it only takes one slip from the perfect path to screw the whole dance up. (enough metaphors for you?!) .. Your work is not more important than your life. How many romance novels or films do you know where some other event, a meeting, a corporate event, a business deal, another wedding etc are interrupted by the love story, by the girl, or the guy just getting up and following their heart right there, whatever the consequences?
Now that may not be practical. But that's the point. Watch Bridget Jones or something if you want some insight. Get some idea of what makes a man attractive, 'cause that's written by a woman from a woman's point of view. Clue: it's a guy who knows what he wants and goes for it, because when one of those things is her, it's impossibly flattering.
And you were talking to her too? Flirting as well? (*slaps self*) She's just a person, just like you!
My advice to you Ryan is to chase another girl. Get yourself out of this pedestal stuff. You're in too deep. Even if you get this girl, how's that a good foundation for a relationship?
Sounds like you've made your feelings clear to her anyway so it's not going to surprise her either. Either that, or her attitude is exactly what I was rambling on about up there earlier, that she knows you find her attractive. Which is how you should think. If you want this girl, you need to surprise her, make yourself interesting to her, make her question you and want to know more. Sounds like she knows everything and she's worked you out. Where's the challenge?
She probably likes you liking her, but she's got no reason to wonder what else you could give her. That's why you need some mystery or something about you that she doesn't know and has time to wonder about.
And you can't fake that. So get yourself another girl. On the one hand it'll kick your view of women back into shape, on another, she'll have no choice but to see you as a sexual man with something to offer, and on the third hand (?) you might well find this other girl is better.
Your problem is you're making too many plans instead of just going for it. I told you this before, when you treat it like a military operation it only takes one slip from the perfect path to screw the whole dance up. (enough metaphors for you?!) .. Your work is not more important than your life. How many romance novels or films do you know where some other event, a meeting, a corporate event, a business deal, another wedding etc are interrupted by the love story, by the girl, or the guy just getting up and following their heart right there, whatever the consequences?
Now that may not be practical. But that's the point. Watch Bridget Jones or something if you want some insight. Get some idea of what makes a man attractive, 'cause that's written by a woman from a woman's point of view. Clue: it's a guy who knows what he wants and goes for it, because when one of those things is her, it's impossibly flattering.
And you were talking to her too? Flirting as well? (*slaps self*) She's just a person, just like you!
My advice to you Ryan is to chase another girl. Get yourself out of this pedestal stuff. You're in too deep. Even if you get this girl, how's that a good foundation for a relationship?
Sounds like you've made your feelings clear to her anyway so it's not going to surprise her either. Either that, or her attitude is exactly what I was rambling on about up there earlier, that she knows you find her attractive. Which is how you should think. If you want this girl, you need to surprise her, make yourself interesting to her, make her question you and want to know more. Sounds like she knows everything and she's worked you out. Where's the challenge?
She probably likes you liking her, but she's got no reason to wonder what else you could give her. That's why you need some mystery or something about you that she doesn't know and has time to wonder about.
And you can't fake that. So get yourself another girl. On the one hand it'll kick your view of women back into shape, on another, she'll have no choice but to see you as a sexual man with something to offer, and on the third hand (?) you might well find this other girl is better.
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Ok, Ryan, in analyzing your situation, I think the first thing you need to work on is recognizing the opportunity when it appears.
When I was learning kungfu, there were different skills: recognizing the opportunity, reacting quickly (first), and reacting properly. If you hesitate even a little bit, your opponent will either recognize the opportunity before you, or at least react first, or if you both recognize and react, he will react more properly.
Using this metaphor, I've worked through the "recognizing" part, and the "reacting quickly" part, now I need to work on the "reacting properly" part. I think, for you, you need to first work on this "recognizing" part first.
Your opportunity was when you were talking with her. Then you flirted with her. Then BAM! hit her with the question. Just come out with it. React quickly, because that opportunity doesn't last forever. Don't wait for it to feel "right", because it will never feel right; it will always feel a little awkward, and if the girl is worth it, that's the way it should be. Otherwise, you're aiming too low.
Well, now that you know this was the opportunity, you know not to let it pass the next time it comes up. You can try again with her, or you can find another girl to try it on. Either way, take this experience, learn from it, and make the next time better.
Good luck, my friend!
When I was learning kungfu, there were different skills: recognizing the opportunity, reacting quickly (first), and reacting properly. If you hesitate even a little bit, your opponent will either recognize the opportunity before you, or at least react first, or if you both recognize and react, he will react more properly.
Using this metaphor, I've worked through the "recognizing" part, and the "reacting quickly" part, now I need to work on the "reacting properly" part. I think, for you, you need to first work on this "recognizing" part first.
Your opportunity was when you were talking with her. Then you flirted with her. Then BAM! hit her with the question. Just come out with it. React quickly, because that opportunity doesn't last forever. Don't wait for it to feel "right", because it will never feel right; it will always feel a little awkward, and if the girl is worth it, that's the way it should be. Otherwise, you're aiming too low.
Well, now that you know this was the opportunity, you know not to let it pass the next time it comes up. You can try again with her, or you can find another girl to try it on. Either way, take this experience, learn from it, and make the next time better.
Good luck, my friend!
haha dude all you have to do is engage her in any kind of conversation however trivial. make it short, at the end say you have to go, but maybe you can get a drink with her sometime. easy.
Ryan, just to show you how easy it can be, here is a "cut and paste" of the facebook message I sent to that 18-y/o, me asking her out. I don't have her email address or phone number, so facebook is how we communicate. I've changed her name to "Alice." There was no lead-up conversation, I just sent it to her out of the blue.
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[Alice], here's a note to make you happy: You're hot.
I know you'll be busy with family stuff over Winter break, but would you like to go to dinner with me while you're here? Yes, I'm asking you out on a date.
Reason is stated above.
Maybe we can catch dinner before heading [out dancing] or something. Not looking for anything serious, just a good meal and good conversation with a good-looking girl. I mean, woman... you deserve to be called a woman.
--------------------- And here is her response-----------------
Hiya [Q],
I'd love to!
(Thanks for the ego boost, btw... ;] )
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See how easy and painless that was? And if she said "no", then I'm sure all the compliments would have still made her feel good about herself.
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[Alice], here's a note to make you happy: You're hot.
I know you'll be busy with family stuff over Winter break, but would you like to go to dinner with me while you're here? Yes, I'm asking you out on a date.
Maybe we can catch dinner before heading [out dancing] or something. Not looking for anything serious, just a good meal and good conversation with a good-looking girl. I mean, woman... you deserve to be called a woman.
--------------------- And here is her response-----------------
Hiya [Q],
I'd love to!
(Thanks for the ego boost, btw... ;] )
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See how easy and painless that was? And if she said "no", then I'm sure all the compliments would have still made her feel good about herself.
Well I planted the seeds today I guess, I went in to work and went up to her and started chatting, which was mostly just her blowing off some steam about our manager and me just listening lol. She isn't working tommorow because she is going to a 'wedding' (shes actually going to a music festival but she wouldn't be able together time off if told our manager), I'm the only one who knows the truth at work but I knew it before she even told me. I started off asking if she is busy next week and she said she finishes uni on Wednesday and then the week after she just wants to work which obviously means she has free time after next week. I'm working mon, wed, thu, fri and sat and I have plans next sunday so there is not any free time between us next week. And when I ask her out, more than anything I want a solid answer with a date and time arranged if she says yes, asking her out for a date which wouldn't take place for 2 weeks doesn't make sense. I know she is free the following week after next week now, so I will do it when im working with her next Friday or Saturday. And like I've said I don't want to put Facebook or mobile phones into the equation when I ask her out.
So I've made progress, and to people who are saying I'm making excuses and I'm scared, yeh im probably scared because I am human and this is all new to me. But if we're both busy all next week it would just leave to awkward hmmm and I can't do that day. The following week we have free time, so then I will find out of she wants to spend anybody her free time with me,
Well, it's a term we use in dancing when the ratios are really far off. One side will have to "snipe" their "targets" way in advance, which means you choose who you want to dance with, position yourself near them, then swoop in before anyone else gets a chance. Usually only if it's really competitive/aggressive.
Some people spend their lives missing golden opportunities waiting for things to be "just right".
Shame that never happens in real life. I feel for those guys.
Shame that never happens in real life. I feel for those guys.
Hey listen, I've got a plan to stitch our manager up.. honestly it'll be funny as hell, and we'll never get caught.. you HAVE to hear it, you'll defo want to see this... But.. I can't tell you here ... meet me (local bar) after work and I'll... umm.. fill you in.
then assuming she turns up, because you're FUN. tell her the truth.. nah, I haven't got a plan, it was just an excuse to get you to come for a drink with me..
worth a go? .. well it might sound weird a week after the conversation ... You're planning to much and waiting for her to ask you out basically aren't you. Recognise, React and Respond my friend.
Lol waiting for her to ask me out, even I know I'd be waiting till pigs fly. It's not so much planning, I just don't want any excuses. We are very busy next week yet she said the week after she wants to work a lot because she has free time. Next Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday I'm working. She is working next Friday and Saturday and is at uni Monday to Wednesday (all day) so it clashes big time whereas the following week, all she has is work on Friday and Saturday (so far), so we basically have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday of the following week which fits into my plans. She has no excuses other than she doesn't want to go out with me. And as for next week my hours start to be 33 hours weekly for a few weeks till xmas is over and I have plans for the Sunday so I'm pretty much very busy next week too so realistically asking her out on a date when I'm busy and she's busy seems a bit silly, and when you ask a girl out on a date realistically you have to have something planned within a 3-5 day period.
In terms of the manager thing, as soon as I got on the train to go to the city, I thought of a perfect line when she was complaining. I should have said 'I'll make it up to you', smile and then ask her out. It's funny that your mind thinks a lot better when you're not under pressure.
But your plan sounds good too, now that makes me wonder if I should say something like that but I don't think it'd work in reality unfortunately, I think I'd really have to pretty much ask her out and she knows I'm asking her out on a date. Plus I couldn't go out with her after work
We both finish around 10pm Fridays (from next week) and start early the next morning and I finish a few hours later on Saturdays.But I think I have my lead-in line because I get her to talk about how she doesn't like our manager and all of a sudden by comparison I come off very good because obviously I can talk to her about it and I can 'make it up to her' (in more ways than one)
mate, just be fun, flirtatious and good company. Don't make it this big decision like her answer means you're suddenly "dating" or "an item" .. that's too serious and too much pressure.
"will you be my girlfriend" is the sort of question you can only ask after you've been hanging out for a bit, had a few nights out, kissed, maybe screwed, depending on how you both work with that.
so don't trip yourself out about "the question" or get all rejected if she says she's busy.. she probably is.. just give her a fun offer to spend time with you, be fun so she's got a reason to join you and take it from there.
Well good luck with that. Sounds a bit negative to me (and a bit like you're a sounding board) unless you're making ridiculous plans to strap your manager to a space rocket and you need her to be available at 'x' time on 'x' day so your special agents can call in to confirm the kidnap..
just have fun. I wouldn't want to date a girl who sat there complaining all night, personally.
edit: why don't you get her to talk about the things she actually likes instead?
"will you be my girlfriend" is the sort of question you can only ask after you've been hanging out for a bit, had a few nights out, kissed, maybe screwed, depending on how you both work with that.
so don't trip yourself out about "the question" or get all rejected if she says she's busy.. she probably is.. just give her a fun offer to spend time with you, be fun so she's got a reason to join you and take it from there.
But I think I have my lead-in line because I get her to talk about how she doesn't like our manager and all of a sudden by comparison I come off very good because obviously I can talk to her about it and I can 'make it up to her' (in more ways than one)
Well good luck with that. Sounds a bit negative to me (and a bit like you're a sounding board) unless you're making ridiculous plans to strap your manager to a space rocket and you need her to be available at 'x' time on 'x' day so your special agents can call in to confirm the kidnap..
just have fun. I wouldn't want to date a girl who sat there complaining all night, personally.
edit: why don't you get her to talk about the things she actually likes instead?
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Did you mean to say 'she sounds a bit negative to me?'. And yeah I actually thought that now, she was happy to see me because she can talk about these things because obviously she can trust me which I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but she isn't a negative person at all, she's just a bit pissed off with our manager and she is in the right (for the most part) because she had to work placement 5 days a week (voluntary for her uni assessment, she wants to be a primary school teacher) doing 6am starts and he wouldn't let her take any time off either Friday or Saturday even though the placement was only 2 weeks.
When we talk (which is only from time to time), it's normally about many things and it's an upbeat conversation. I think she was just stressed with work and I was the best person to talk to about it because I understand these things and really I know she'd rather talk to me than just about anyone else at work which again I don't know if that's good or bad.
If we went out I wouldn't be talking about work at all lol, that's what work talk is for.
