I get stupid and shy around attractive women
- Thread starter Qarzan
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Another Update, with request for advice:
Went to another Blues dancing venue last night. Had a great time in general, already knew about half the people there, and danced with every follow.
Heather arrived to the class about 5 minutes late, saw me as she entered, I gave a subdued wave (trying not to distract from the class). Class went well, and afterwards did a warm-up song with Heather, then circulated around to the other follows (girls, usually; although sometimes I'll follow; girls seem to like it when they see a guy following, or when you give them a chance to lead). I played the same little "hard to get" game again. I think I should stop it, because she seemed to not look at me as much, and be more reluctant to ask me to dance, even though there were really only about 12 guys there.
Should I stop doing the "hard to get" routine, or do you think it would make me look to "easy"? In other words, do you think if I give in and have to go get her, will that make me seem weaker somehow?
There was another Asian guy that she was dancing with... he was doing all the sexual type moves. He loved to get behind her and do the grinding / body roll stuff. I couldn't tell if she liked it or not, but I kind of didn't feel all that threatened by it. I felt like he didn't even bother with the whole idea of teasing, anticipation, and tension, and went straight for "the money." From watching him, I felt that I am a superior dancer, since it seems that's really the only good move he knows, or at least the only move he likes to do with Heather. When I dance with Heather, it's really varied; we will change constantly between break-away (no contact, basically going solo and watching each other), to open position (holding one hand at arms-length), to closed (one hand around the back), and close embrace. Not only that, but I switch easily from one dance to another; blues, charleston, lindy, balboa, tango, and maybe I'll even throw in some ballet, tap, or hip hop moves when the song gets silly. I even gave her a really quick lesson in basic balboa since she'd never learned it before, then told her that "we have to practice it sometime."
There was this other girl, Lisa, blonde, fairly hot. On a scale of 1-10 for physical looks, I'd give her an 8. She doesn't compare to Heather, though; I'd give Heather a 9.8 or 9.9. Hell, let's round it up and give Heather a "10." [She's hotter than a supermodel, mainly because I think supermodels tend to be waif and thin, and have strange facial proportions. Really, Heather is on-par with the Victoria's Secret models.]
Anyways, my first dance with Lisa, after the first few measures, she says, "Wow, you really have the passion," mainly because of my musicality; I listen to the music and respond to it. This made me feel really confident. Then I do this thing where I pull her in and we end up in a close spin. I tend to lift my left knee up to give the spin more momentum (if you've ever sat in a wheely chair and spun, you know what this is about). Then she reached down with her right hand ran it down my left thigh and said, "ooh." I was really aroused by it, then I said, with a mischievous grin, "you like that?" She said, in a sultry voice, "yeah." (Umm, BONER) For the rest of the dance, I noticed her giggle every once in a while. IOIs anyone? (indicators of interest)
Just to test it out, after the dance, I looked directly into her eyes (they were blue) as I thanked her for the dance. I wanted to see how long she would hold the gaze. It was probably a full 3 seconds (a normal gaze is probably around 0.5 secs), and then I had to break off eye contact. Later on in the evening, I approached her to dance again. She was going to get a drink of water. I said, "oh, you can get some water" and started to walk away. She quickly said, "Oh, I can do that later. Let's dance!" I noticed that she really liked to get close to me during the dance. She was basically grinding her mound against my leg every chance she could get. I had to shift to open position and could only stay in close embrace with her for a few beats at a time. Partly because I was getting really turned on, and another was I thought she was putting the moves on me a bit too fast.
Basically, with Lisa, I felt that, any time I wanted, I could just snap my fingers and she would be mine. However, Heather is still the one in my sights. Lisa would be a good fling or maybe even long-term girlfriend, but Heather is marriage-quality. I may dance with Lisa to help establish pre-selection. Maybe if she's wearing some lipstick, I'll ask her for a peck on the cheek / neck so I'll have a little kiss mark. But as long as Heather is a possibility, Lisa is a no-go. MUST STAY FOCUSED!
This is so strange being single now that I'm older. When I was younger, I couldn't read the signs at all. NOW THEY ARE SO CLEAR!
So this is where I need some advice: I'm thinking of "upping my game" a little during next week's dance party. I was thinking of doing something a little flirtatious with Heather during the dance. Nothing too blatantly sexual like that other Asian guy was doing, just something small to hint that I might be interested in romance with her; something that will make her wonder, and let that run around her imagination for a while. Here are some things I was thinking of doing:
1) Get into the front-to-back position (what that other Asian guy usually does with her), except I'll be in the front, and she'll be behind me (this will create a role-reversal). I'll take her hands and put them on my hips, then as I'm doing my body rolls, and in time to the music, I'll move her hands with mine on top, across my stomach and then across my chest. This will give her the feeling that, it's not me that's touching her and invading her space; it's her that's touching me. Moreover, I'll be the one controlling the movement, so she won't feel slutty for doing it. I'll do one more body roll and lean farther backwards, and when the music calls for it (which in blues music it always does), I'll stiffen my body so that my cheek rests next to hers, and I'll hold it there, creating tension, for a few beats (maybe also add an audible inhalation), then I'll basically "melt" away into a facing position. After that move, or maybe after the dance, I'll do one of two things: turn to face her in open position and fan my face with my left hand (as if I'm hot or flush), or I'll say something like, "Wow, I think I need a cigarette now."
2) Buy a fedora, wear it. During the dance I'll find a way to put my hat on her head. Then, at some later point, or at the end, I'll move my hands to take it back, and run my fingers through her hair as I do it. I may ask her beforehand if it's ok if I play with her hair (it might be something she doesn't like). Basically I want to stimulate her in ways that are not so obviously sexual. Fingers through hair is very stimulating and, at least in me, changes my entire mood when someone does it. Very energizing, refreshing, arousing...
3) This is the same as #2, except instead of me putting the hat on her, I'll tell her to do it. At some point I'll say something like, "Take my hat and put it on." It might be a turn-on for her to be told what to do. Plus, wearing something of mine, I think at least subconsciously, establishes closeness or intimacy without being overtly sexual.
4) Any other suggestions?
5) Also, don't forget my earlier question about the "hard to get" routine, above.
Thanks, everyone!
I keep telling myself, BABY STEPS, MAN. BABY STEPS!
EDIT: Maybe instead of saying, "I think I need a cigarette now," I should say, "Was that good for you?" She might think I'm a smoker and I'd have to backpedal. Backpedalling is not sexy.
Went to another Blues dancing venue last night. Had a great time in general, already knew about half the people there, and danced with every follow.
Heather arrived to the class about 5 minutes late, saw me as she entered, I gave a subdued wave (trying not to distract from the class). Class went well, and afterwards did a warm-up song with Heather, then circulated around to the other follows (girls, usually; although sometimes I'll follow; girls seem to like it when they see a guy following, or when you give them a chance to lead). I played the same little "hard to get" game again. I think I should stop it, because she seemed to not look at me as much, and be more reluctant to ask me to dance, even though there were really only about 12 guys there.
Should I stop doing the "hard to get" routine, or do you think it would make me look to "easy"? In other words, do you think if I give in and have to go get her, will that make me seem weaker somehow?
There was another Asian guy that she was dancing with... he was doing all the sexual type moves. He loved to get behind her and do the grinding / body roll stuff. I couldn't tell if she liked it or not, but I kind of didn't feel all that threatened by it. I felt like he didn't even bother with the whole idea of teasing, anticipation, and tension, and went straight for "the money." From watching him, I felt that I am a superior dancer, since it seems that's really the only good move he knows, or at least the only move he likes to do with Heather. When I dance with Heather, it's really varied; we will change constantly between break-away (no contact, basically going solo and watching each other), to open position (holding one hand at arms-length), to closed (one hand around the back), and close embrace. Not only that, but I switch easily from one dance to another; blues, charleston, lindy, balboa, tango, and maybe I'll even throw in some ballet, tap, or hip hop moves when the song gets silly. I even gave her a really quick lesson in basic balboa since she'd never learned it before, then told her that "we have to practice it sometime."
There was this other girl, Lisa, blonde, fairly hot. On a scale of 1-10 for physical looks, I'd give her an 8. She doesn't compare to Heather, though; I'd give Heather a 9.8 or 9.9. Hell, let's round it up and give Heather a "10." [She's hotter than a supermodel, mainly because I think supermodels tend to be waif and thin, and have strange facial proportions. Really, Heather is on-par with the Victoria's Secret models.]
Anyways, my first dance with Lisa, after the first few measures, she says, "Wow, you really have the passion," mainly because of my musicality; I listen to the music and respond to it. This made me feel really confident. Then I do this thing where I pull her in and we end up in a close spin. I tend to lift my left knee up to give the spin more momentum (if you've ever sat in a wheely chair and spun, you know what this is about). Then she reached down with her right hand ran it down my left thigh and said, "ooh." I was really aroused by it, then I said, with a mischievous grin, "you like that?" She said, in a sultry voice, "yeah." (Umm, BONER) For the rest of the dance, I noticed her giggle every once in a while. IOIs anyone? (indicators of interest)
Just to test it out, after the dance, I looked directly into her eyes (they were blue) as I thanked her for the dance. I wanted to see how long she would hold the gaze. It was probably a full 3 seconds (a normal gaze is probably around 0.5 secs), and then I had to break off eye contact. Later on in the evening, I approached her to dance again. She was going to get a drink of water. I said, "oh, you can get some water" and started to walk away. She quickly said, "Oh, I can do that later. Let's dance!" I noticed that she really liked to get close to me during the dance. She was basically grinding her mound against my leg every chance she could get. I had to shift to open position and could only stay in close embrace with her for a few beats at a time. Partly because I was getting really turned on, and another was I thought she was putting the moves on me a bit too fast.
Basically, with Lisa, I felt that, any time I wanted, I could just snap my fingers and she would be mine. However, Heather is still the one in my sights. Lisa would be a good fling or maybe even long-term girlfriend, but Heather is marriage-quality. I may dance with Lisa to help establish pre-selection. Maybe if she's wearing some lipstick, I'll ask her for a peck on the cheek / neck so I'll have a little kiss mark. But as long as Heather is a possibility, Lisa is a no-go. MUST STAY FOCUSED!
This is so strange being single now that I'm older. When I was younger, I couldn't read the signs at all. NOW THEY ARE SO CLEAR!
So this is where I need some advice: I'm thinking of "upping my game" a little during next week's dance party. I was thinking of doing something a little flirtatious with Heather during the dance. Nothing too blatantly sexual like that other Asian guy was doing, just something small to hint that I might be interested in romance with her; something that will make her wonder, and let that run around her imagination for a while. Here are some things I was thinking of doing:
1) Get into the front-to-back position (what that other Asian guy usually does with her), except I'll be in the front, and she'll be behind me (this will create a role-reversal). I'll take her hands and put them on my hips, then as I'm doing my body rolls, and in time to the music, I'll move her hands with mine on top, across my stomach and then across my chest. This will give her the feeling that, it's not me that's touching her and invading her space; it's her that's touching me. Moreover, I'll be the one controlling the movement, so she won't feel slutty for doing it. I'll do one more body roll and lean farther backwards, and when the music calls for it (which in blues music it always does), I'll stiffen my body so that my cheek rests next to hers, and I'll hold it there, creating tension, for a few beats (maybe also add an audible inhalation), then I'll basically "melt" away into a facing position. After that move, or maybe after the dance, I'll do one of two things: turn to face her in open position and fan my face with my left hand (as if I'm hot or flush), or I'll say something like, "Wow, I think I need a cigarette now."
2) Buy a fedora, wear it. During the dance I'll find a way to put my hat on her head. Then, at some later point, or at the end, I'll move my hands to take it back, and run my fingers through her hair as I do it. I may ask her beforehand if it's ok if I play with her hair (it might be something she doesn't like). Basically I want to stimulate her in ways that are not so obviously sexual. Fingers through hair is very stimulating and, at least in me, changes my entire mood when someone does it. Very energizing, refreshing, arousing...
3) This is the same as #2, except instead of me putting the hat on her, I'll tell her to do it. At some point I'll say something like, "Take my hat and put it on." It might be a turn-on for her to be told what to do. Plus, wearing something of mine, I think at least subconsciously, establishes closeness or intimacy without being overtly sexual.
4) Any other suggestions?
5) Also, don't forget my earlier question about the "hard to get" routine, above.
Thanks, everyone!
I keep telling myself, BABY STEPS, MAN. BABY STEPS!
EDIT: Maybe instead of saying, "I think I need a cigarette now," I should say, "Was that good for you?" She might think I'm a smoker and I'd have to backpedal. Backpedalling is not sexy.
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Hey guys, this has kind of become more of a journal, but please feel free to continue to comment if you want.
I've decided what to do this Wednesday with Heather. We both go to the same dance events on Wednesday and Thursday. She seems to leave early on Wednesdays; now I understand why, it's because otherwise she's too tired to dance on Thursday. Last week I danced until the end on both Wednesday and Thursday; my studying really suffered for it.
So, here's my plan with Heather: first of all, no more playing games. That wall comes down. Time to get real. After the class, I will tell her that I'm also thinking of leaving early, since we'll be dancing the next night as well. I'll ask her to come and get me when she's about to leave, and we'll leave together. I'll walk her to her car, and I'll say that I have something to ask her.
As we're walking, I'll just say something like, "You know, I'm still not used to your accent." (She has a southern accent since she's from North Carolina) "I feel like what that means is that we really need to talk more. I mean, we dance, but we don't really know that much about each other. How about we meet up tomorrow for dinner, say around 6:30, then we can head dancing afterwards?"
I'd hopefully turn this into a weekly thing. The first time would be just small talk and basic "getting to know you" kind of stuff. No pressure or anything. I'll probably ask her "Hey, how come your boyfriend doesn't come dancing with you?" and see what she says. If she says she doesn't have a boyfriend, then I can say something like, "I find that hard to believe." I'll pay for her dinner, saying that it's a rule that the person who invites has to pay. This would mean that if she wants to pay for my dinner, she'd have to invite me somewhere. (This is actually part of Chinese culture)
Second time I might tell her that I'm interested in her (granted she says she doesn't have a boyfriend), but that she doesn't have to reply; she's probably still making a decision. Then from there we'll see what happens next. Of course, this could all come to a screeching halt at any point.
I've also requested a song for the DJ to play on Thursday (En Vogue's "Giving Something He Can Feel"). Maybe before we go into the venue, I can tell her, "I already requested a song. When it comes on, I want to dance to it with you. I'll come up to you and tell you it's 'our song', and you have to drop what you're doing and dance with me."
I was also thinking of having some kind of "dance code" with her; if I do a move that she doesn't like (makes her feel uncomfortable), she can push me away; the harder she pushes, the more she didn't like it. If I do a move she likes and wants more of, she can give me a slap; the harder she slaps, the more she liked it. This might introduce more flirtation, and also give me indication of whether or not she's actually interested (if she pushes me away more than slaps).
I'll let everyone know how it goes.
I've decided what to do this Wednesday with Heather. We both go to the same dance events on Wednesday and Thursday. She seems to leave early on Wednesdays; now I understand why, it's because otherwise she's too tired to dance on Thursday. Last week I danced until the end on both Wednesday and Thursday; my studying really suffered for it.
So, here's my plan with Heather: first of all, no more playing games. That wall comes down. Time to get real. After the class, I will tell her that I'm also thinking of leaving early, since we'll be dancing the next night as well. I'll ask her to come and get me when she's about to leave, and we'll leave together. I'll walk her to her car, and I'll say that I have something to ask her.
As we're walking, I'll just say something like, "You know, I'm still not used to your accent." (She has a southern accent since she's from North Carolina) "I feel like what that means is that we really need to talk more. I mean, we dance, but we don't really know that much about each other. How about we meet up tomorrow for dinner, say around 6:30, then we can head dancing afterwards?"
I'd hopefully turn this into a weekly thing. The first time would be just small talk and basic "getting to know you" kind of stuff. No pressure or anything. I'll probably ask her "Hey, how come your boyfriend doesn't come dancing with you?" and see what she says. If she says she doesn't have a boyfriend, then I can say something like, "I find that hard to believe." I'll pay for her dinner, saying that it's a rule that the person who invites has to pay. This would mean that if she wants to pay for my dinner, she'd have to invite me somewhere. (This is actually part of Chinese culture)
Second time I might tell her that I'm interested in her (granted she says she doesn't have a boyfriend), but that she doesn't have to reply; she's probably still making a decision. Then from there we'll see what happens next. Of course, this could all come to a screeching halt at any point.
I've also requested a song for the DJ to play on Thursday (En Vogue's "Giving Something He Can Feel"). Maybe before we go into the venue, I can tell her, "I already requested a song. When it comes on, I want to dance to it with you. I'll come up to you and tell you it's 'our song', and you have to drop what you're doing and dance with me."
I was also thinking of having some kind of "dance code" with her; if I do a move that she doesn't like (makes her feel uncomfortable), she can push me away; the harder she pushes, the more she didn't like it. If I do a move she likes and wants more of, she can give me a slap; the harder she slaps, the more she liked it. This might introduce more flirtation, and also give me indication of whether or not she's actually interested (if she pushes me away more than slaps).
I'll let everyone know how it goes.
Whoa. Suddenly now that I'm really enjoying myself dancing, there are so many women who are complimenting me.
"You look cool."
"You make me smile."
"You're so smooth."
Well, thanks, but I wasn't even really trying. Heh, I guess it is all about the confidence!
"You look cool."
"You make me smile."
"You're so smooth."
Well, thanks, but I wasn't even really trying. Heh, I guess it is all about the confidence!
lol sounds good.
The idea is once there's a mutual attraction, you exchange information and start dating! but since you're having fun with the class, just have fun!!!
The idea is once there's a mutual attraction, you exchange information and start dating! but since you're having fun with the class, just have fun!!!
Talked to Heather more yesterday. She's in a post-doctorate program at Stanford, and unfortunately she has a boyfriend (on the other side of the country) that she talked to on the phone for about an hour after the class.
I'm not one to break couples up; it's completely not my style, so I decided to end the chase there. We still talked and hung out and I got to know her better, which was great; I really feel that we connect pretty well. We still have a ton of fun dancing together, so at least there's that.
Moving on...
I'm not one to break couples up; it's completely not my style, so I decided to end the chase there. We still talked and hung out and I got to know her better, which was great; I really feel that we connect pretty well. We still have a ton of fun dancing together, so at least there's that.
Moving on...
