Lust and Love.

[Hanma]

Bleh.

I'm just angry that I let it affect me SO much.

Nobody has the right to treat me or anybody else this way. I'm meant to learn so much from life, and I believe everybody is meant to achieve something much higher - so don't let this affect you so much.

 

[MrBigDick]

honestly.... i'm going through situational depression... heh.

Have you been diagnosed with this or is this your own diagnosis?

 

[Dante311]

Bleh.

I'm just angry that I let it affect me SO much.

Nobody has the right to treat me or anybody else this way. I'm meant to learn so much from life, and I believe everybody is meant to achieve something much higher - so don't let this affect you so much.

Too late.

I don't trust her, but I won't let her go. heh

Have you been diagnosed with this or is this your own diagnosis?

i'm diagnosing myself with this... nicole burned me. I dated a bad one (the self-cutter). This one.. I don't know what to think.

I am highly educated with no job / no income... and I'm insecure about my penis size.. even though I'vegained a solid 1" above the average.

 

[Hanma]

Too late.

I don't trust her, but I won't let her go. heh

You have NO idea how similar that is to my situation.

 

[spanky]

I was so glad my ex isn't on facebook. I use that a lot, and through me she's now friends offline with a number of my friends. I think it would have been much harder to get over her if she was hanging around all my interactions with my friends, on and offline.

But that said, and a year after having spoken to her at all now I'm emotionally in the clear, as awkward as it may be at first, I would like to be friends again.

Actually no I wouldn't...

Actually yes I would...

Argh!

Anyone going through this, I guess you can take comfort from the fact that everyone does sooner or later. It takes quite some inner peace to be able to look at it all as just an experience and just enjoy it as part of the rich tapestry of life. One day I'll get there maybe.

 

[spanky]

this got me thinking I wouldn't mind if this forum wasn't anonymous and my ex found me here, getting a bigger dick and actively learning to control my premature problems...

God, I REALLY need a new girlfriend. I think that's the only cure.

 

[Dante311]

You have NO idea how similar that is to my situation.

i'm sorry man. it's killing me emotionally right now.

she loves big cocks... she's fucked around with me, but is still sticking around.

i don't know why.

the night before we became exclusive... she went down on an ex of hers, stupidly. she regretted it.

she told me so the next day when we were going to be official/have our night... b/c she really wanted to see me.

yeah, she seduced me that night.

what did i do?

I dumped her the next day. quickly.

went out that evening with another girl I was READY to dump for this girl that hurt me (that I'm still seeing).

this drove that girl NUTS. Begged me to come over. to work things out.

I gave in. let the other girl go... (irritated the sh*t out of her too)

let B (the one who I'm seeing now) convince me to let us work.

we're tried... but we got in a huge fight. Long story there.

we made up and have been going.

this guy from the beginning of the year (a rebound of hers) won't stop texting her. she was friends with him... I told her straight up, it's getting annoying now. Does he know about me? She said no the first time, but he knows she isn't single.

...i don't know what to make of it. When I mentioned it again the other night... she said I was totally right. She told him she was busy and he left us alone... (but not without asking for a sleepover first - THIS PISSED ME OFF). I'm trusting her that I'm the only guy in her life right now.

 

[Hanma]

Dante, I really don't feel like talking about my situation, but if you want, you may start reading from this post onwards:
https://www.pegym.com/forums/relationship-forum/21179-guys-ever-felt-like-5.html#post219161

 

[MrBigDick]

Dante,

I'm not going to tell you what to do bro because you're old enough to figure this out for yourself. HOWEVER, because I know of your past somewhat, I will advise you to take a HUGE step backward, reevaluate yourself, your priorities and focus on what's important. It sounds like you and this girl are simply playing games with one another and I have to say, from an outsiders perspective, isn't that a tad ridiculous? You make an agreement to be exlusive with one another and that night she gives an ex bf a blowjob? WTF????? Yeah, she's a keeper........

 

[Dante311]

Dante,

I'm not going to tell you what to do bro because you're old enough to figure this out for yourself. HOWEVER, because I know of your past somewhat, I will advise you to take a HUGE step backward, reevaluate yourself, your priorities and focus on what's important. It sounds like you and this girl are simply playing games with one another and I have to say, from an outsiders perspective, isn't that a tad ridiculous? You make an agreement to be exlusive with one another and that night she gives an ex bf a blowjob? WTF????? Yeah, she's a keeper........

It was the night before....

I am every little bell and whistle in my head is telling me to get rid of her...

I don't want to be controlling, but I feel with this one, she can't be faithful without boundaries set... and I told her she can hang out with her male friends, even the ones she's hooked up with in the past, but the moment she crosses the line... with even a simple kiss, she's gone from my life.. no if's, ands, or butts.. and she may never walk back into it again..

...and she knows this.

i haven't shown her weakness yet... but it's eating away at me.

I know you're right. I should've never let her back in...

 

[TTBB]

Dante, you could have the biggest dick in the world and she would still be doing what she is doing.
its not about your penis.
you are using your own insecurities to give you the reason for why she is behaving why she is, You know that you have not done anything wrong and yet she still treats you like a door mat... so in your mind that leaves one possibility your penis.... But its not about you, its about HER... her emotional needs are erratic and a bottomless pit... she has learned she can get away with murder with you and you will still take her back..
It is NOT about the size of your penis.. she has never told you this, she has never complained about your cock... Do not turn the problem in on yourself... It doesn't matter what you offer her or what you have to offer her, it won't stop her from being who she is at this point in time..
You need to cut her lose, yes it painful and its a hard thing to do and you will feel horrible for a while.. but you aren't avoiding the pain and suffering by staying with her... you aren't getting any closer to the happiness you desire by staying with her... it is time to cut your losses and move on because it is emotionally effecting you and dragging you down... You deserve so much more, you deserve someone you can trust and someone who builds your confidence not undermines it

 

[Dante311]

Yeah....

 

[wind chill]

Too late.

I don't trust her, but I won't let her go.

why?

 

[Dante311]

why?

why don't I trust her? ...this is obvious. She fucked up. I took her back after I dumped her... twice.

why won't I let her go? ...I don't know...

 

[dsmall]

Dante,

If you read back on your thread from a few weeks ago, assuming that this is the right girl, then it was all there. http://pegym.com/forums/relationshi...king-huge-mistake-getting-involved-her-2.html A girl coming out of a long term relationship needs to date and not be exclusive. That's her right and is probably the best thing. Of course she can't be faithful right now; she shouldn't be. She just got out of a LTR and needs to see for herself what is out there. Jumping into one exclusive LTR before you've even gotten over your ex is a recipe for disaster. I also thought that the idea that this girl would want to compartmentalize, i.e. use you as an emotional tampon while she played or was intimate with other guys, was likely to hurt someone looking and ready for a more exclusive relationship. You are trying to be this girl's therapist and help her work out what she needs to work out from her past relationship while you are simultaneously trying to fuck her and have an intimate relationship with her. And she wants to date and deal with the pain of dating and intimacy with new people, while she has you to handle her emotional intimacy. What she is doing wrong is not dating and exploring new relationships with multiple guys. What she is doing wrong is making promises to you that she knows she can't keep, and then breaking them, and telling you about it so that it hurts you.

Learn from this and move on. There are lots of girls who have done a lot of dating and are looking for an exclusive LTR. If that's what you want, then hooking up with a girl who is still communicating with her last LTR is not the right way to meet them. There are lots of girls who want FWB; and those relationships are not exclusive. You have to decide whether you can handle that kind of relationship. The rule during them for both parties is don't ask don't tell, which both of you have broken and use to torture each other. There are lots of girls who just got out of a LTR who are just looking for a light dating easy relationship. They also involve not sharing details about other light happy relationships that are going on. The statement, "I'm not ready for a commitment because I just got out of a LTR says it all."

College girls,particularly pretty college girls, are single and are in a market where they have lots of opportunities to have sexual flings that may or may not have meaning beyond the immediate pleasure. If you can't handle that marketplace, don't date pretty college girls. They get hit on all day long; and their friends are having flings of this type which reinforces the appropriateness of this behavior. Alcohol plays a role. Most college girls, even pretty ones, stop this behavior when they get out of school. It is just not as socially acceptable to do this in the working world; and the random guys in bars, are not as known or familiar to them as the boys they go to class with and their friends have dated. They start to think about long term issues and not just the night out with friends. And all this behavior in college, by a college girl, is totally appropriate. There are very few long term consequences of this behavior provided they practice safe sex. Their vagina doesn't break or become useless for when they are ready to settle down. I know lots of notorious college party girls (back in the day) who are now driving their kids around in minivans and faithful to their husbands. So, if you meet a cute college girl in a bar and you want to go home with her, it might be that that is the whole situation. A fun night out for both. There are some college girls who are looking for LTR. They are usually upperclass girls who have gotten the college hook up scene out of their system.

 

[Gspot]

Get out of my head, heart, stomach, and pants woman! I clearly check all these traits. Liminal-love virus has ruled much, well all, of my relationship life--very unhealthy in many cases. But even knowing the mistakes I have made, healthy relationship know-how, and looking at my love-life, sex-life, fuck-life objectively, I would do it all again (almost all). The passion in me is just that overpowering when I meet the right woman. These are few, I can count them on my fingers.

The last two I meet within a few weeks of each other a few years ago. Both I just enjoyed being around, chating, watching them walk, seeing them smile while I pictured them naked, breast bouncing through the air as they rode my cock and called me dirty names as they approached esctasy and all the people watching us fuck began to clap, all that hokey crap. The first rejected me with the typical friendly avoidance. She was a waitress and a few days after I was certain she was not interested in me I saw her clock-out early and leave with a player she just meet. I cannot recall a greater feeling of loss, jealously, and heartbreak as I did that night. I am a very reasonable person and even at the time could analyze what was happening to me. But it did not help.

The second I dated for several exciting, frustrating, erotic, blindingly amazing weeks before she disappeared, moved out of the state then called me 6 months later to tell me she left because she was in love with me and got scared (and yes she was quite messed-up in the head, but she made-up for it). We talked on the phone for a couple weeks but neither of us was going to move so we stopped talking as, for me at least, it just hurt to only be able to do that.

I have seen and been with other women since (do not even recall their names). I have not seen either of the objects of my affection for about 3 years now but still see them both when I close my eyes, fantasize about them, dream about them uncontrollably. It has certainly faded and continues to but slowy. I suspect part of the problem is that they were close together and it intensified the effect of wanting each of them so badly. Plus I have recently been affected by other disappointments in my life. I have tried the denial approach which is most often true in limbic romances: they are not for me, I put them on pedestals, it was just lust, they are evil cocksluts (double-damn!) etc. But when I am really honest about it, I could have likely married either of them and been happy making them happy.

Well, I did not mean to go all sad there. I am certain this will happen again and it will likely suck and then be sad. Best of luck to all you romantic and/or lust-lovers out there.

 

[somebodyelse]

It has certainly faded and continues to but slowy. I suspect part of the problem is that they were close together and it intensified the effect of wanting each of them so badly. Plus I have recently been affected by other disappointments in my life. I have tried the denial approach which is most often true in limbic romances: they are not for me, I put them on pedestals, it was just lust, they are evil cocksluts (double-damn!) etc. But when I am really honest about it, I could have likely married either of them and been happy making them happy.

Well, I did not mean to go all sad there. I am certain this will happen again and it will likely suck and then be sad. Best of luck to all you romantic and/or lust-lovers out there.

This all here sounds so familiar. Maybe because i lived it for a while.

I tried all manner of things, but it's just going to take time, for me, i think. and I'm pretty sure I'll never fully get over it, but it is what it is.

It was a reactor kind of love. took a while to get started. I felt something for her after a few month, but it was just a little bit. She got very attached to me and broke it off around the 4 month mark. We stayed friends, and became physical again, around the 7 month mark... at that point we delved into something really serious, in a fantasy way...

It took 7 months for me to fall in love with her, but it was coming anyway. The jacked up part is, when i fell in love with her is when she broke up with me again for the last time, :laugh:. I won't say that it's because I fell in love with her that she dumped me, but it's just how it happened.

My love for her wasn't lust... it was not a flash, hot burning lust thing... It was something that developed over time, and it got to the point that i didn't want to imagine my life without her... now I'm living my life without her ROFL!

I'm doing my best to move forward. The only way to get another woman in your heart is to allow another woman into your heart. The only way to fantasize about another woman is to allow yourself the freedom to do so.

There's no reward without risk... The risk of an absolute MOUNTAIN of pain is the part of the absolute bliss of being in love and being loved. Without pain, there is no pleasure.

Open yourself up to more pain and you'll open yourself up to more pleasure.

 

[MrBigDick]

Some days I wonder if I even have that passion and spark in me anymore. I mean, I've had such terrible luck with women...........I just don't know anymore. I used to be the flower buying, take her to dinner kind of guy. And anymore, I guess I've met so many female losers that I've grown very, very cynical of women anymore and I NEVER......EVER used to be like this. I have so much to offer and give a woman yet I couldn't find one if my life depended on it. Maybe I was just meant to be alone the rest of my life, get my kids raised and then die? I mean, that sounds just awful but some days I just wonder..............either way it really, really sucks.

 

[Gspot]

I hear you MrBigDick. This happens to everyone from time to time. I am not far removed from a love dispondent state myself. We do not get to pick the life we want, just make the best of what we have. Still, sometimes I want to watch the world burn with everyone in it with a smile, but then who would I have sex with?! Hawaii does sound nice, but it is hardly a paradise with all those people on it. Yet, it is better to be kind than a super villian I suppose, but clearly less fun. The world is always close to destruction from war, famine, disease, and stupidity; better fuck someone while we can. I was just free writting the following. I suppose love and sex have been heavy on my mind (for a couple decades now), and I have found myself in that place several times.

I have seen a thousand beautiful faces, each going about her day, oblivious to the desire that looks upon her, ready to fulfill her every erotic dream and forge new ones she has little imagined. But they are all lost in an immature game of love and hate, passion and bitterness. Pointless to pursue the thousand beautiful faces that pass by, disinterested in bliss but busy with some pedestrian affair. I just sit here all alone, dreaming of a love who is not.

But who is this, Ms. one thousand and one? Did her eyes dart this way for a moment of sexual longing for my lap, or was she looking at the handbag for sell behind me in the store window? Alas, she is asleep like all the rest, or chasing a dream-man who cannot perceive her desire as she cannot see mine. Should I approach her? She would think me a stalker or a loser, when I am a lover thinking of caressing her dark hair, biting her neck, loosening her blouse, and making deperate love to her while all the people gather round in slack-jawed amazement. Perhaps she is a good woman in every sense who is already taken, or worse still, she is a whore, and mistook the bulge in my pants for a wallet of future clothes, gems, and exotic vacations.

Yet compelled to try, for the sake of love or to cure my ass, numb from too long sitting on the unforgiving bench. Walking up to her from behind, I gently take her arm as she glares into my face, searching for malicius or kind intent. To her I say, "Hello. Might I love you, for a hundred years, until we are both rotting flesh below the earth, after having loved like no two others before or since; or at least for today?"

 

[MrBigDick]

Well, if I may, I'm SICK and damn tired of being single and being alone. I mean, the fact that I don't have a gf is certainly not from my inability to put myself out there and try. I realize everyone says "it'll find you when you're not looking" and honestly, I sometimes feel that whole idea is bullshit. I've not looked for it for MONTHS and nothing. Yes, I have had women interested in me but I wasn't interested in them and I can't just force myself to dig someone just for the sake of having a gf. Does this make sense? I truly wonder if a life of solitude and just being an alone, single man was how I was meant to spend my life. I will say this, IF I die without having found my Mrs. Right, I will have a HUGE ass bone to pick with the man upstairs.........HUGE bone!