Why do people get divorced

[Batwoman]

When there are children involved, decisions about divorce (or not) can be agonizing.

We have all heard about unhappy couples that stayed together "for the sake of the children" and then went on to create poisonous home environments. In those cases, everyone -- perhaps especially the children -- would have been better off if the adults had admitted their unhappiness and divorced (like Panther seems to have done). Sometimes growing up with divorced parents can be MUCH better than the alternative.

On the flip side, some marriages change over time into relationships where the partners don't actively hate each other, but don't love each other anymore either. If no children were involved, both partners would be better off divorcing and moving on to what might be much happier lives with other partners. But if there are children, everything is more complicated. The desire to move on (i.e., divorce their partner) for the sake of their own happiness must be weighed against the potential damage to the children and spouse. What then? It almost becomes a math problem -- how much unhappiness to others is it worth causing in order to make oneself happier? I think a lot of people stay in unhappy or not-very-happy marriages because the alternatives seem a lot worse.

 

[Closed039]

I'm going to put the higher divorce rate squarely on the shoulders of the women - and not in a bad way. Marriages have been the same for all of time, some good some bad. The difference now is that women are becoming more and more educated and independent, and subsequently are not scared to leave a bad relationship for fear of having no life for themselves.

 

[phil88]

By far the smartest thing you've ever posted.

lol I dont know if you are being sarcastic or not. Gotta love text , but its actually a question aimed at a particular poster who I was hoping would give a very scientific, educated answer on human evolution and the way we were uh anthropology may be the word....

The reason divorce rates are so high is because women are no longer forced to live in certain conditions but rather have the freedom to do as they please. This along with the fact that the male brain will not stop changing until at least the age of 24. I do not know about the female brain, but I do know the female body goes through many changes between 30-33. Meaning you will not be the same person after either of these periods so why get married before.

Not to mention everything is self gratification and ME ME ME. Its evident in everything right down to the way we argue. The reason we are getting divorced at a higher rate is because we are all bunch of whiny little children our whole lives because we have lost all purpose aside from self gratification....society has evolved to a point where it is actually harder to die then it is to live, meaning no one is ever forced to grow up. So its all Me Me Me all the time and when we dont get our way we throw a temper tantrum lol.

 

[Batwoman]

Ever been married, phil? You speak like someone with no experience of what it takes to be in a long-term relationship or marriage.

 

[phil88]

Ever been married, phil? You speak like someone with no experience of what it takes to be in a long-term relationship or marriage.

Oh wow there are so many things I want to say Ill be good though.

Nope never been married or in long term relationship, when it came down to it I realized I wasn't ready and although it was something I really wanted forcing it for the sake of some quick self gratification wasn't worth the pain in the end that would of came of it.

Something I think many people should learn to do. Possibly then divorce rates would not be so high. The only problem with my method is it forces people to take responsibility for their own actions and take a good hard look at themselves.

 

[Stretch Armstrong]

We should all learn to be more like you phil.. you've got it all figured out, don't you?

 

[TTBB]

i actually think phil has some valid points .. everyone has listed valid reason why people get divorced ..there are many factors that feed into it .. and the younger generation is different to the older generation .. and there are studies showing how the world has changed and the effects its having on relationships.
Phil hasn't disagreed with other peoples points on why marriages break down.
when i responded i didn't go into the emotional side of things .. my focus was on the sociology and anthropology of society
there are many many reasons why divorce is happening

i am not condemning people for having divorces .. i have a few friends who are trapped in marriages who i am encourage to find the strength to end the marriage and find a healthier less toxic existence for both them and their children...

 

[phil88]

We should all learn to be more like you phil.. you've got it all figured out, don't you?

lol sadly no, but the first step in finding a solution is identifying the problem. If people could get the idea of self out of their minds and quit making it a competition or viewing it as me being better then others, that maybe possibly we might be able to find the solution.

I do not believe I am better then anyone, however I do believe peoples need to compete with others means they view the person they are competing with as better and feel the need to prove to themselves the opposite. This I find quite complimenting lol

 

[Stretch Armstrong]

I do not believe I am better then anyone, however I do believe peoples need to compete with others means they view the person they are competing with as better and feel the need to prove to themselves the opposite. This I find quite complimenting lol

You shouldn't feel complimented, I don't view you that way. I definitely don't feel like I'm competing. This is what keeps popping into my head every time I read what you write. No offense intended, but imo you're like the 1st year grad student in this scene. There's signs of life, but not quite there yet:

Bar Scene

I say keep it up, keep exploring, keep thinking.. you could be on the right track.

 

[Batwoman]

Let's get back on topic, guys.

 

[phil88]

Aww but his reply is so revealing

I do have to thank you stretch, While I am use to being referenced to "Good Will Hunting" its usually the scene with Robin Williams picking Mat Damon apart for not having lived life and doing nothing but talking out of his ass. This is the first time Ive been compared to the educated guy

 

[TTBB]

Phil stop it!

 

[rimlas]

Phil stop it!

Do you really want him to?

Am I allowed to start a thread on Phil? I'm hoping it would be a convenient place for him and Stretch to have at it.

 

[Pegasus]

Do you really want him to?

Am I allowed to start a thread on Phil? I'm hoping it would be a convenient place for him and Stretch to have at it.

While I might be in favour of a steel cage fight, with you in there as well, we must all have more decorum on this site gentlemen.
So please all show restraint.

 

[SuperSize]

Well I am only 19, and I haven't been in a serious relationship yet so I can't say much about this.
However, as a teen growing up, I feel like the general assumption is that people do divorce more freely now. I haven't seen any good, strong relationships ever in my life and I know many. Just makes me feel like there is no point in marriage or relationships when us teens are encouraged to fuck, cheat, and don't give a damn about anything

 

[TomY]

Are we even meant for monogamy? As humans I mean. Wasn't the model of marriage we follow invented by men to establish ownership over women in like the 1500s or something.

That's it, stoke the hippy fire even more. As human you're meant to eat, breathe, screw, and survive. Is that all you want to do with your life? If not then why foster this weak line of reasoning?...

 

[Batwoman]

Well I am only 19, and I haven't been in a serious relationship yet so I can't say much about this.
However, as a teen growing up, I feel like the general assumption is that people do divorce more freely now. I haven't seen any good, strong relationships ever in my life and I know many. Just makes me feel like there is no point in marriage or relationships when us teens are encouraged to fuck, cheat, and don't give a damn about anything

I think that a lot depends on what community you grow up in. My kids are growing up in a place where most families are intact, and there are many long-standing, seemingly strong marriages around for them to see. They live in a happy home and can see the cheerful give-and-take between me and my husband on a daily basis. I think that is a HUGE benefit for them. My husband and I both grew up in intact homes -- his parents were together until the death of his father, and my parents are still together after half a century together. Those sort of role models can show kids that it IS possible for long term relationships and marriages to survive. Kids may not see many of the stresses and strains and compromises involved.... but still, it is really good for them. Yes, there are divorces and they have friends with divorced parents -- but they also see strong relationships every day.

Unfortunately, many young people today grow up the way you have -- not ever seeing strong relationships around them. That can indeed make it look like everyone in the world is divorced or untrustworthy or only out for short-term thrills. That is really too bad, because it does make it harder to believe in the ideals of marriage, and to be willing to work through relationship problems knowing that it is possible to succeed.

Truth be told, stable marriages are not very exciting things. They are quietly happy, revolving around household chores and kids and shopping and meals and shared things like watching TV together, reading, and talking over the activities of the day. Few of these activities appeal to teenagers anyway, so they may simply not notice or pay attention to it when they do see it in action. The fireworks and angst of divorce -- and the struggles of single parents -- are sadly much more noteworthy.

 

[chirk]

This is going to sound bad, but maybe some one will find it truthful. I don't believe in marriage. If you are living with a girl you are already "Married". Don't go out and get married, It it where you troubles start. It is not like in the old days where it was a shame to live together and not married. If it works for you go ahead. Many of the younger generation are giving up to soon and do not want to work out their problems. Divorce has been commercialize by many law company's and it is okay to get divorce. It is not a shame as in the old day's. It is easy to get divorce today and it only takes a few minutes and it is done. Look at role models of today that we have and Hollywood stars all have been divorced one or more times. In the this century no Hollywood actor marriage or relationship has worked. If things are not working and you have tried any thing to make it work, get a divorce. Many people that stay in this case for the kids. Stop you are doing more harm with this and fighting and so on. Do not pretend that everything is fine but your doing harm to your kids. I will live with a girl and may have kids but i will not get married. I will take the responsibility if their is kids. I have many friends that have got married after living together and all of their marriages have failed. Out of our group their are only one that are not married and living with his girl and are happy. I will do the same. Sorry if i offend some one by this but this is how i feel about getting married

 

[phil88]

That's it, stoke the hippy fire even more. As human you're meant to eat, breathe, screw, and survive. Is that all you want to do with your life? If not then why foster this weak line of reasoning?...

I'm serious, I'm pretty sure according to evolution or whatever humans are not supposed to be monogamous. And I am pretty sure our form of marriage was created to keep women from screwing around and establish ownership over them. I was actually hoping that dsmall guy would clarify this, I am sure he has the answers.

 

[TTBB]

historically marriage was to do with obtaining property/land rights and protecting bloodlines..about set rules to manage these things, so yes often women were viewed as property or a tool to extend wealth or bloodline...