At a loss

[GTO]

Well this weekend I was invited to come down and stay with her for a night. Lots of sexual innuendo's in those texts. Part of me wants to believe this is her way of trying to get me back and the other part of me KNOWS I am about to be used. It's amazing how she seems like a totally different person now. It makes me quite sad to feel that way. I think I made a big mistake and agreed to come down even though I know when I leave it will hurt.

On another note I have been debating on asking a girl in town to go out with her and some of her friends sometime soon. Not in the sense that I'm attracted to her but because she's one of the few people in town I've briefly met that doesn't seem like a raging hillbilly. I'm trying to convince myself that it's a good step to take.

That's a very good step to take - certainly move on that.

As far as the invite, play it cool. You should've turned it down but you can still be cordial and keep it amicable. Intimacy at this point may not be the best thing - some of the other posters were right in that you NEED some time to yourself. And she does to.

 

[TTBB]

:agree:You should have turned it down...

 

[Woohoo]

Ugh I know, I know I should have :/

I still have time to back out as I'm not supposed to go down until next monday. I may try to just turn it into a friendly dinner then stay at a friends house for the night. Although the thoughts of being close to her again are very hard to resist. She has called twice tonight, although I did not answer either one. She left a message both times and I could hear the sadness in her voice.

This would be a lot easier if I knew what was going through her head.

I am doing my best to take everyones advice and give her and myself time to ourselves but is a battle everyday.

Again thanks for all the encouragement and advice everyone

 

[TTBB]

Do you really think she and things will have changed in such a short time? that all will be different now? can you go there, see her and not get pressured into getting back together and just do the friends thing for awhile?

 

[Woohoo]

No, I know things have not changed. To be honest I'm not sure what I would be looking for by going down. Just taking it day by day trying to figure out what's best for me. I don't think she wants to get back together I think she just wants to have some physical contact to be honest. I think if this was her actually trying to get me back her conversations with me would be different. She is still distant and not very talkative. This is when she calls me, I have not called her unless it was a question about all the financial obligations she left me with, haha. So I have good on that front but I cannot resist a call from her yet

 

[MrBigDick]

No, I know things have not changed. To be honest I'm not sure what I would be looking for by going down. Just taking it day by day trying to figure out what's best for me. I don't think she wants to get back together I think she just wants to have some physical contact to be honest. I think if this was her actually trying to get me back her conversations with me would be different. She is still distant and not very talkative. This is when she calls me, I have not called her unless it was a question about all the financial obligations she left me with, haha. So I have good on that front but I cannot resist a call from her yet

BELIEVE me, I totally feel your pain at the moment. This lady friend of mine was supposed to go with me on a trip in 2 weeks. She tore into me today over something that happened yesterday..........something that I DIDN'T do and after my having threatened to pull the plug on our trip, she tells me "well, I could use the trip though, don't cancel it just yet". I'm sorry, WHAT?!?!?!?!? She makes my head spin like no other and life isn't supposed to be this way. Now she's telling me that you only live once and she'll just take the money out of savings but she ends the comment with "let's just sleep on it".

Like I said man, I totally understand where you're at.

 

[Woohoo]

Well we have not spoke in two days, so I think I found my out for going to visit. It hurts like hell, but I guess it is for the best. As much as I love this girl I think we have been doing more damage than good. Right now I would still love to have her back at some point as I still want to spend my life with her. Maybe one day she will decide that I am what she wants, but I'm no longer able to wait on the sidelines hoping that will happen.

 

[Woohoo]

Figured I would put an update up and maybe get some motivation to keep on keep'n on.

Oct 28 was the last time I had any real contact with my ex. I was supposed to go down and see her on the first. On the first we had not talked in 4 days so I figured she did not want to see me. So I didn't go down to see her. She sent me a text that evening about how upset she was about not seeing me and how sorry she was about everything that has happened. I ended up calling her after that text to calm her down. Not much was said other than sorry's and wishful thinking on both parts. She sent me "goodnight love" texts on monday and tuesday. Thats about it on that front

Yesterday I saw a bunch of old friends that I haven't seen in about a year and it was tough. They all asked about her and joked if we were married yet. It was very painful to talk about all this with them as they adored her. I know I haven't had a lot of time to really try and "get over" this but I just want to get to the point where I don't stare at my phone all day hoping to hear something from her. It definately doesn't make it any easier living by myself and spending 90% of my free time by myself.

I guess what I'm getting at is that it's been a rough week/weekend and I miss her/us terribly right now.

 

[Knuckle Up]

Cheer up bud!! Keep busy with life.

 

[Woohoo]

Haha working on it! Tough in this dead little town, eat/sleep/work!

 

[W.M.P.]

It definately doesn't make it any easier living by myself and spending 90% of my free time by myself.

BINGO!!!!! You MUST do something about this ASAP; get on the ball and get your ass out there cause isolation in and of itself is just not good...so when paired with post-break up blues, you have a recipe for some serious sadness. From some of your words, I get the feeling that the town you're living in is not the most conducive to meeting cool folks. Well, you gotta make the best of it and believe me when I say that you WILL meet some cool people...only as long as you give them a chance to shine for who they are and not in comparison to your good 'ole hometown friends. Reach out and find a workout buddy, a running partner, etc. Humans are social animals by nature; the worst thing you can do right now is become complacent in your current isolation. Reach out and give those around you a fair chance; you'll be pleasantly surprised with the outcome as long as you have an open heart.

"Man is by nature a social animal; and an unsocial person who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either unsatisfactory or superhuman...Society is a natural phenomenon and is prior to the individual...And any one who is unable to live a common life or who is self-sufficient that he has no need to do so is no member of Society, which means that he is either a beast or a god."
Aristotle

 

[Woohoo]

I've been trying to get out to the local bar but I am always the youngest person there by a long shot. Unfortunately I don't have spare money to make the 80 mile round trip to the nearest college town. I would love to meet some people my age more than anything. But living in a popular area for rich people to retire to is as you said not "conducive" for meeting folks haha. The closest I've come meeting someone my age are the two highschool senior girls who work next door (17 and 18). I am 6 years their senior.

I know I have to make the best of the situation but I am seriously reconsidering following my dream. I have never been a huge social butterfly but have always relied on my close friends to keep me company and help me through times like this. Can I call this a quarter life crisis?

 

[W.M.P.]

I know I have to make the best of the situation but I am seriously reconsidering following my dream. I have never been a huge social butterfly but have always relied on my close friends to keep me company and help me through times like this. Can I call this a quarter life crisis?

"Quarter life crisis"? I believe John Mayer has a patent on that one so you're gonna have have to call it something else. Either way, I know quite well what it's like to move somewhere where you're just simply out of place. I dunno exactly what your dream is, but the truth is that chasing it will be that much sweeter (and the struggle easier) if you find a place where you can have a more balanced life. I spent some time living in a town where I simply had NO avenue for socializing, especially when it came to meeting women; it was quite painful at times to say the least and the bouts of loneliness felt awful. Sometimes the only choice is to move, which is what I did. If you happen to be in one of the many enclaves in this vast, huge country where the demographics are just not in favor of your living a balanced, happy life...then you gotta start planning your next move, which is to get the fuck out of there. They don't call America the "land of opportunity" for no reason; I'm sure there's an endless list of places where you can reach for your dreams while also enjoying a life worth raving about.

 

[Woohoo]

Haha you're right, it would be a lot easier to deal with this somewhere else! I've been debating on moving since this whole thing started but for different reasons. I make my living by helping other people enjoy the same hobby that I do and realistically could have oppurtunities at a similar job most anywhere. The thought of doing this without the person who was basically my significant other is frightening to be honest, but I bet I would live through it. My plan at the moment is to ride out the lease on my apartment then consider my options at that point. So hopefully by feb. I will have a new direction to go!

 

[Woohoo]

Speak of the devil...

She just texted me asking me how my weekend was. It was terrible haha, but i'm not saying that. I think i'll sleep on this one and might get back to it tomorrow...

 

[RockstarParkingDude]

Mav! Do not engage!

 

[Woohoo]

haha! GOOOSE!

This is my best friend and yes I did call her back yesterday. I guess she keeps calling/texting me when I tell her we need space to make sure I'm still there for her. Not sure of the point of it but other than the actual phone call I did not give her what she was looking for. I told her that I needed my space to try and move on which definately upset her. It kills me, but I've learned that giving her what she wants just makes us run around in circles. I still miss everything we had like crazy.

But I'm staying strong and not buckling

 

[Woohoo]

Haven't talked in 6 days. Today was very rough.

Thursday I went up to visit a friend for a few days and had a good time. Met some new people and really enjoyed myself...you know kinda let loose for a few days. Flirted a little bit and just had fun.

Then I came back home. And it was like being lost all over again. Felt lonely and all that jazz. I can tell that my friends and family are tired of me talking about it...I know they are right to an extent, that I need to move on but I don't see how surpressing my feelings will allow that to happen. I dont know why but typing all this down here seems to help :/

 

[Woohoo]

Okay looking for advice again.

I'm heading back home this weekend for my birthday and the last time my ex and I talked (a week ago) she told me that she wanted to see me when I was home so I could pick up a few things I needed from her house. She gave me time frames to do it, so it's not like she's going out of her way to see me. My gut is telling me to avoid seeing her at all, but the last time I avoided seeing her hurt like hell for both of us.

To be honest when I was away this weekend she sent me a text to "have fun! " and the next day when I didn't respond she sent another text saying "well I guess since you aren't looking at your phone you're having fun...I'm glad" I never responded back. I don't know what she is trying to do or what her intentions are since we haven't talked. This is confusing as hell.

I guess do I play it by ear and see if she really tries to make an effort to see me and if she does what do I do?

I've always felt mature for my age but this whole thing has me feeling like a spoiled kid who didn't get what he wanted

 

[Woohoo]

Well I saw her today and was greeted with a big hug and a sweet kiss. Kind of bittersweet

I was not sure what I pictured happening but nothing great other than I got to see and hold her again. I feel the same as I have been, just kind of numb. Nothing good, nothing bad, nothing great. I guess I wished it would have gone to one extreme or the other, maybe that would have been better. Who knows.

In other news, all of my hours have been cut from work and I have had no luck finding another job in the same area, so I will be moving back home. Kind of feeling like I failed at something but at the same time I know it wasn't healthy for me to be alone all of the time. I am looking forward to catching up with old friends and who knows maybe i'll get lucky. Would definately nice to catch a break somewhere