Do you lose your identity in a relationship?
- Thread starter moxsum
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If you find the right woman then the relationship is easy, and you feel like yourself and then some. I think I'm one of the lucky ones 
11yrs and we're still like newly weds.
11yrs and we're still like newly weds.
Long relationships change people, that's a fact. But it doesn't necessarily mean that you lose your identity or anything. As with many others different things in life, when you've been with someone for a long time, you adapt your life style to fit his/her. It's a matter of making concessions and the other person does the same. You'll experience good times, bad times and learn from all these and this makes you change. This is life and there's nothing you can do against it.
You don't have to blame yourself about making her lose her identity because it's not true. If she changed, it's only because she agreed to. Maybe she doesn't like what she became but that's a different problem...
Don't expect to retain your exact indivuality in a relationship beacuse if so it means that there's something wrong. Love change people and the only thing that you can do is accept it and go on.
I hope that you'll get through this quickly...
You don't have to blame yourself about making her lose her identity because it's not true. If she changed, it's only because she agreed to. Maybe she doesn't like what she became but that's a different problem...
Don't expect to retain your exact indivuality in a relationship beacuse if so it means that there's something wrong. Love change people and the only thing that you can do is accept it and go on.
I hope that you'll get through this quickly...
Batwoman
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Something else to keep in mind is that people change continuously throughout their lives, irregardless of whether or not they are in a relationship. This is especially true when you are younger (teens and twenties).
Two people who hit it off at 20 or 25 may find that a few years later they feel like different people. Surprise! You have both (hopefully) continued to grow up, and have changed as individuals. Sometimes you grown in the same directions and the relationship strengthens..... other times one or both partners changes in different ways or at different rates, and the relationship ceases to be satisfying. Older folks are not immune either -- people change, and relationships change, and that's just a fact of life.
Nobody should ever feel like they have given up their personality somehow to a relationship. That's not healthy. A strong relationship is best built on cooperation and accommodation and love -- with both partners feeling like whole, happy people.
Two people who hit it off at 20 or 25 may find that a few years later they feel like different people. Surprise! You have both (hopefully) continued to grow up, and have changed as individuals. Sometimes you grown in the same directions and the relationship strengthens..... other times one or both partners changes in different ways or at different rates, and the relationship ceases to be satisfying. Older folks are not immune either -- people change, and relationships change, and that's just a fact of life.
Nobody should ever feel like they have given up their personality somehow to a relationship. That's not healthy. A strong relationship is best built on cooperation and accommodation and love -- with both partners feeling like whole, happy people.
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My wife and I have been married for 45 years. She now has Alzheimer's and yet I realize that I love her more than ever--in fact my love for her grows with each precious day we have left. We have always been our own person--my daughter reminds us of that. I did my thing. She did hers. That's just who we were, and we were made for each other. I guess I lucked out in this regard. So yes! You can grow as an individual and still remain in a powerfully close relationship.
The one glue that has kept our relationship going besides our physical attraction to each other (she's a hottie) is our friendship. She was and still is my best friend. I have always been open to learning more about myself and others, and the one thing she has taught me above anything else is to forgive--first of all myself for my shortcomings--and then others.
Goin'
The one glue that has kept our relationship going besides our physical attraction to each other (she's a hottie
) is our friendship. She was and still is my best friend. I have always been open to learning more about myself and others, and the one thing she has taught me above anything else is to forgive--first of all myself for my shortcomings--and then others. Goin'
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My wife and I have been married for 45 years. She now has Alzheimer's and yet I realize that I love her more than ever--in fact my love for her grows with each precious day we have left. We have always been our own person--my daughter reminds us of that. I did my thing. She did hers. That's just who we were, and we were made for each other. I guess I lucked out in this regard. So yes! You can grow as an individual and still remain in a powerfully close relationship.
The one glue that has kept our relationship going besides our physical attraction to each other (she's a hottie
Goin'
This is a GREAT post g411by7. Your post encompasses what a relationship SHOULD be like. I think it's that "best friend" factor that really is the key to having a successful, long term relationship with that special person.......and yeah, physical attraction helps too...lol ;-)
My wife and I have been married for 45 years. She now has Alzheimer's and yet I realize that I love her more than ever--in fact my love for her grows with each precious day we have left. We have always been our own person--my daughter reminds us of that. I did my thing. She did hers. That's just who we were, and we were made for each other. I guess I lucked out in this regard. So yes! You can grow as an individual and still remain in a powerfully close relationship.
The one glue that has kept our relationship going besides our physical attraction to each other (she's a hottie
Goin'
This EXACTLY! Hubby & I have not been married nearly as long as you have [ coming up on our first anniversary of marraige!
] but we feel the same way. We were best friends for three years before we got engaged, & til now, my hubby is my best friend. My love. My husband. [ & my sex toy ;D ]We share a lot of similarities [ what drew us to eachother ] but at the same time, it's our differences that make us love one another all the more.
I believe getting married means growing as both, individuals, & as a couple...it's the same as being a child growing up in your parent's home. You are a part of your family, but still very much an individual. In marriage, you are a part of your relationship, but still an individual.
Hopefully, one day, we can celebrate our 45th in time too!
Thanks for sharing. ~
Unfortunately, this is normal - as in, most people in a relationship experience a feeling of lost identity/individuality. But that doesn't mean it's healthy.
The problem is that when a guy looses himself in the relationship - when he puts the woman ahead of his feelings and desires and spends all his time with/for her - the woman often looses interest in him... and rightfully so. I'm not saying that you have to be a distant jerk (far from it). Instead, I think that individuals should always maintain a healthy set of interests outside of their relationship. Ultimately, you will have the opportunity to share those interests in the future, but not having these outside interests won't leave you with anything new to share in the first place!
To put it even more simply, when there's nothing new to learn about you, your girlfriend or wife may loose interest in you. ...it'll just be the same old stuff.
In the end, I think it's all about balance. You have to share common interests and friends. You have to grow together. At the same time, you should set yourself up with some level of autonomy to be able to keep things fresh for the long term.
