What makes a man a man? Feeling inadequat

[luzz]

Hello,
I wonder what do women care about in men?
I think I have a pretty good idea of what matters and I lack in all departments. This has been dragging me down ever since. My self-esteem is really low and I cant get over it. Maybe this also has something to do with me having OCD I dont know. I simply cannot get over my weaknesses.

For example even though I'm over 6 feet tall I have really small hands and short fingers! This totally drags me down. I only have to look at my hands and it drags me down. And there is also this theory that ringfinger length correlated with penis size and I think this is true. So basically this means EVERY woman only needs to look at my hands and they already know I have a small penis and they are already turned off.

I am also not muscular.
I have no masculine face. I also pitty this.
My penis is only 5 inches.
I also don't have inner masculine features like being brave and all that. I am shy and anxious and depressed.

Yeah so basically there's not much left which a woman could find attractive.

But the thing is it's not just about women. I also wouldnt like myself even if I was the only person on the planet. I just look at myself and see all these things which I dont like and which I wish I could change. I wish I had bigger hands. No joke most women even if they are only 5 feet tall have at least as big hands and as long fingers as I have this is sick!
I just wish I could at least get over it but I cannot. The same things which I dont like about myself and which drag me down have been doing this for years and years.

 

[MrB8]

What makes a man is not his penis, that makes him a male. Actions do.

There is no correlation between finger length and penis size, and not having big hands does not make you less of a man.

The problem is not with your size, or looks. The problem is with how you see yourself. If you do not love yourself, nobody will be able to, even if they want to, because, you will not be giving them a chance.

It starts from within. You need to sit down, and find out why you are not satisfied with yourself. AND find a way to first accept yourself then start to improve on what you have. If you love yourself, others will be able to.

IT IS ALL IN YOUR MIND.

It is not about height, penis size, hand size, or looks.

A man, acts like a man. Actions, not looks and dimensions.


5 inches is not small, and you can do a lot with it.


Just be yourself, do not set standards or predefined stereotypes for yourself to follow.

Seek help for your depression.

Find ways to overcome your shyness, things like spending time doing things you like will help.

 

[luzz]

Hello,
but I really dont think I can accept myself. I mean if I could just do this I would have done it long time ago.
I obsess with weaknesses. Unfortunately many things which bother me also cannot be changed. For example
the small hands cant be changed. I also would like to be more muscular but I cant really pack on muscle mass.
I went to the gym for years and hardly gained anything.
It's simply when I look at myself I only see weakness and I think that other people also perceive this. I also perceive weakness in other people so they probably do the same.

When you say actions matter, then what actions?
Do you mean things like achieving things and being successful? But what if you also don't achieve much?
Then you also cant feel manly.

I mean if I at least had inner strength and was a really strong person mentally then this would also be worth something but I'm not. Not even this. I'm anxious and feel not strong at all.

 

[CUSP82]

What do you feel you are worth as a human?

 

[luzz]

What do you mean as a human?
I mean compared to others I feel inferior.
It's like other people have the complete package. Look at football players for example.
The have great bodies, probably also huge dicks and most of them also look good. They have it all.
And I lack all these things.

 

[MrB8]

Strength comes in many forms, not just muscles.

Being light weight, fast, smart, many things, you do posses something you are overlooking because of your perception.

Having medium sized hands is not a weakness.

It is a mind over matter thing.

 

[MrB8]

What do you mean as a human?
I mean compared to others I feel inferior.
It's like other people have the complete package. Look at football players for example.
The have great bodies, probably also huge dicks and most of them also look good. They have it all.
And I lack all these things.

Other people envy you for things/abilities you have and they don't. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

How do you know they have bigger penises?

How do you know what they are thinking? Their problems, insecurities, life?

 

[luzz]

I dont know. I cannot really think of many things which I like about myself.
Also my hands arent medium they are small. Really like hands of a child. It really depresses me.
I think to myself what went wrong. I mean hand size also has to do with masculinity and this is determined
in the womb depending on the hormones there which affect the fetus. In my case some things didnt go they
way they should have. I could probably have been much more masculine and also have had a bigger dick.
This is hard to deal with.

 

[luzz]

I dont know if someone has a bigger penis I simply assume it. For example if a man looks very masculine has huge hands and feet then he probably also has a huge dick. Huge hands are always a good sign while small hands arent.

 

[MrB8]

I do not think you read that study correctly.


Did you measure your hands?


Even if they are small, that does not mean you are less of a man.

It is a state of mind.

Actions are what makes a man, not gender, not size, nothing else.

 

[MrB8]

I dont know if someone has a bigger penis I simply assume it. For example if a man looks very masculine has huge hands and feet then he probably also has a huge dick. Huge hands are always a good sign while small hands arent.

That is a wrong assumption based on a misguided opinion/stereotype.

 

[NCGUY1972]

Do not stress over anything you cant change it leads nowhere and your wasting your life away. It's ok to be aware your not perfect but don't stress over it, make excuses for it or allow something you can't change to hold you back.
You know what you can change so have at it pick something and put your heart into it you'll see changes and you'll be happier with yourself along the way. You don't have a small penis either you have an average penis just like the majority of men on this planet.

What do you do for fun? You need to get more involved in activities that will challenge you physically/mentally and give you a reason to be proud a feeling of accomplishment and get those silly thoughts out of your head. Work on being the best you can be at things you enjoy and meet others while your at it. Bond and develop relationships with people that have mutual interests and will be supportive. If there is something you've wanted to do but been to nervous that's where I'd start! Don't wait your not getting younger.
I seriously doubt there are many people that wake up look in the mirror and say "Damn I'm the total package and I wouldn't change a thing" even those rich big dick good looking football players lol! In reality you will be "The total package" for the right woman one day. Accept the fact that you may not have the exact body or looks that you want and figure out how to enjoy life. All of us have a heart and soul and that's where the real man comes from. There is a man out there somewhere with no hands that would give anything for yours next time you look at them just be thankful they are there.

 

[akaTrex]

Luzz,

You think Way Too Much!

Check out this poor poor guy?


What Alex Honnold does, it would make ANY Football Player cry out for his Mommy!

 

[NCGUY1972]

Wow that guy is amazing! and crazy lol he must have an enormous penis lol

 

[theLog]

The same things which I dont like about myself and which drag me down have been doing this for years and years.

Welcome and way to be straight-up and put yourself out there!

Go read this then come back: THE BEST CONVERSATION WITH A WOMAN ON PENIS SIZE I'VE EVER HAD

Done? Cool. Read on...

Consider three things:

1) Imagine this common scenario: "Honey, do I look fat in this?" You respond "What? Not at all you look great!" You mean it too. In fact, she looks pretty damn hot all dressed up. Makes you not even want to leave the house!

This is a "lose-lose" type question. "Lose" in part because she's relying on other's opinions in order to establish self-worth AND you're reinforcing this crap habit by actually entering into the conversation with her + "Lose" because you could "mean it" every Friday night for the next damn decade but unless SHE thinks SHE looks good, it WON'T MATTER.

I bring this up because these questions are the "chinese finger trap" of absolutely worthless, burdensome habits to have. The more you wrestle with yourself over it, the worse it's going to get. That's a promise. But I think you already know this to be true...

IF you truly are OCD/ highly focused on weaknesses, turn that into a positive for you. Focus that power on this weakness:

"Honey do I look fat in this" for her = " Honey, is my dick big enough?" for him.

...is my [enter trait here] big enough/small enough/great/lousy/etc.?

Time to begin the process of pulling your fingers out of the trap.

Something show up for you in your gut when you read that as to how to start to form a new habit over the next 20 days? It'll take at least that long if you focus on it everyday, but the good news is once it becomes habit it doesn't take much work to keep it going. Tis' why they're called habits...

(No- it's not "that easy"... there's more to consider)

2) Be honest with yourself (no judgments) but where's your social life? What are your exercise habits? Do you take 10 minutes a day just to focus on "nothing" without any distractions to strengthen mental health? I speak from experience it's important to do all the above. Non-existent social life + non-existent exercise ( I don't mean weightlifting either- it can be anything) can easily put your mind in a funk. Not taking a mental "breather" will put you in even more of a funk. As far as "focusing on nothing"- Try setting a timer each morning for 10 minutes, close your eyes and do nothing but breath and focus on the black of the back of your eyelids. See where you are in 20 days. You WILL be a changed person.

3) Figure out what you love in life/what you're good at and exaggerate it.

What makes you "you?" What would you honestly do if you had 10 million in the bank? Inventive? Musical? Creative? Go write your first story and publish it for free on Amazon as an ebook. Not sure what to write about? Write about what you're going through then and go from there. Hell, call it "I Have A Five Inch Penis" if you so desire under a pen name- it'd likely sell a good bit. Whatever-it doesn't matter what you do as much as it matters that you do something. Your gut will tell you where to go from here.

IN SUMMARY, the tools you presently have to deal with what your dealing with simply aren't enough to cope and you feel like crap. Go get a piece of paper/sticky notes and write out at least 3 goals for every day and keep them with you. (I've already given you enough for 4). Keep yourself accountable and have clear "treats" for weekly/monthly goals so you're actually working towards something.

Put alerts in your phone right now for the next 20 days to remind yourself until it becomes 2nd nature.

There's your 20 day challenge. I forced myself to do this and it paid off BIG TIME, in ways I didn't even realize possible. Still pays off each day, too.

Ball's in your court.

:hat:

 

[akaTrex]

Wow that guy is amazing! and crazy lol he must have an enormous penis lol

He uses it as a Climbing Piton! :biggrin1:



The MAN has GRIP Strength!

 

[efip]

Hello,
but I really dont think I can accept myself. I mean if I could just do this I would have done it long time ago.
I obsess with weaknesses. Unfortunately many things which bother me also cannot be changed. For example
the small hands cant be changed. I also would like to be more muscular but I cant really pack on muscle mass.
I went to the gym for years and hardly gained anything.
It's simply when I look at myself I only see weakness and I think that other people also perceive this. I also perceive weakness in other people so they probably do the same.

When you say actions matter, then what actions?
Do you mean things like achieving things and being successful? But what if you also don't achieve much?
Then you also cant feel manly.

I mean if I at least had inner strength and was a really strong person mentally then this would also be worth something but I'm not. Not even this. I'm anxious and feel not strong at all.

Never tell yourself you CANT. If you do that you have already lost. You must try harder. The human body has no limit, only the brain controlling it sets the tone, it's time to set yours. You can either give up or fight.

 

[Mr.T]

Hi Luzz,

I had much the same feelings about my penis and myself as a man as you do, even after my PE gains. One documentary that I would recommend that you watch is called "My Penis and I" by Lawrence Barraclough. Watching his journey to self acceptance with his weight and his 3 1/2" penis really helped me with my own self acceptance issues, I hope it can help you too.

 

[TPW]

Hello Luzz,

Please read the following thread:

WHY WOMEN LOVE MEN


What you will soon discover in that long list of responses from real women is that it is ultimately a man's character - WHO he is as a person - that a woman falls in love with. It could be his sense of humour, his kindness, his compassionate heart, his thoughtfulness, his bravery, etc. and ANY man can possess any of these attributes and they have nothing to do with his physicality.

By saying that you have little to offer a woman, you are not only greatly underestimating yourself, you are underestimating women as well.

You have plenty to offer a potential love interest but you have to give her a chance to show you that it is true...

 

[Obsidian]

First things first

stop looking at others, look at yourself and ask yourself genuinely HOW CAN I GET BETTER and then simply do it

Start working out
start PE

You have to ACT not just look at others and then cry about yourself !

When you stop looking at others and stop thinking you are inadequate you will become a really different person