Hi - Please don't be scared of the length of this post! I'm a decent writer and I just want to give a full account so i can get the best possible advice most tailored to my particular situation. Thanks in advance for reading!
I stumbled onto this forum a couple of hours ago after having a really embarrassing go with my girlfriend (we're talking like a couple of thrusts) and I decided enough is enough. I've spent these last couple hours just absorbing information from tons of posts on here, and i think i have a good idea of how to start fixing this problem. First though, let me give a brief history.
My premature ejaculation problem is probably the result of a somewhat unorthodox sexual relationship with my first girlfriend. We started having sex at 16, and i clearly remember NOT ejaculating quickly the first time, which amazes me to think about now. The thing was, she quickly learned she REALLY disliked pure vaginal sex, it was always painful for her (and no, i'm not exceptionally large or anything). So, we improvised various ways to get her off (a lot of times it being her on top riding her clit on my shaft), and then after she came it was my turn, which basically took the form of "do what you must: the quicker the better". I dated her, and we had sex like that, for SIX YEARS until we broke up when i was 22. It seems kind of strange and unhealthy now, but what did i care? i didn't know any better, and i was still getting more consistent action than basically anyone else i knew.
As you might expect, when i started hooking up with other girls after we broke up, i quickly realized i had a problem. I think I had sex with about five girls before meeting my current girlfriend, and with each of those girls i somehow managed to hide the premature ejaculation. This was made easier by the fact that we didn't use condoms, i was usually drunk, i can stay hard after coming, and i can have multiple orgasms in, say, a one hour session. With my next (and current) girlfriend it was not really an issue at first, we both agree that the first night we had sex was by far the best sex either of us had ever experienced. What she didn't realize at the time was that i had already come inside her once before the orgasm that we shared 25 minutes later.
However, as time has gone by (i've now been dating her about a year and a half), it has become more of an issue. In the beginning of our relationship, we were having sex so frequently that bit by bit i was lasting longer and longer (still not "long" but at least long enough for us to both enjoy it for a few minutes), and i would still be able to come a second time without really any time to recoup. Now that the frequency of sex has slowed down though, i find myself back to ejaculating extremely quickly. On the flip side however, it has become harder to produce the second orgasm.
So now i'm without what i considered to be my saving grace after ejaculating quickly, and my confidence in bed has tumbled downhill. And besides, basically "giving up" the first orgasm and relying on staying hard and hoping for a second is kind of lame, and can ruin the romance and the spontaneity of the moment, especially when you have a girlfriend like mine whose sexual mindset is all centered on pleasing yours truly, and doesn't enjoy the full focus to be on her. We have openly discussed my issue, but it makes me uncomfortable and i usually send some misdirected anger her way, and i know it is because i am embarrassed, frustrated, and insecure about it. And it is a self perpetuating cycle, because you know EXACTLY what will be on my mind the next time we have sex. It is beginning to rob us of a good sex life.
SO enough about my history, lets discuss possible solutions! After reading about pelvic floor muscles and trying some kegel exercises, i think my main problem is an automatic, unwilling kegel "clench" response upon penetration. Sometimes before we're even having sex i can even feel the small lifts of my penis that clenching my kegel muscles produces. Its as if my body is trained to say yep, we have reached the destination, ready for takeoff! When i first tried a kegel, i thought "this is what it feels like when my penis is trying to come. its like its straining to come. i need to work on the OPPOSITE of this, and SUPPRESSING this automatic reaction". Is this what practicing reverse kegels will do for me? Or as a beginner do i need to first work on just toning and getting control of this muscle before i proceed to the next step?
I've also read about being able to clench your kegels super hard right at the moment of orgasm to put a kink in the hose and suppress ejaculation. I tried this while masturbating with an actually decent result seeing as it was my first day doing kegels (nothing came out on the first wave or two of orgasm, and then just a dribbling after that). Is the idea that you will stay hard and be able to orgasm again and ejaculate the previously suppressed semen after continuing sex a while longer? Is there a similar technique but using a strong REVERSE kegel?
I also read about the edging and ballooning masturbation techniques, which basically sound like a form of the start/stop method. I take it the goal of these is to help familiarize oneself with the point of no return, and controlling arousal? I may be wrong, but it seems like the closer i can come to mimicking the real thing in practice (tight grip, lube, porn) while controlling myself the better prepared i will be for actually implementing control in the bedroom?
PLEASE let me know if you think i am on track with all this. Are there additional exercises/techniques you guys can think of that may be helpful for me? What should i focus on? And most importantly... Do you think if i implement the things discussed above that i will actually have results??? Thank you.
I stumbled onto this forum a couple of hours ago after having a really embarrassing go with my girlfriend (we're talking like a couple of thrusts) and I decided enough is enough. I've spent these last couple hours just absorbing information from tons of posts on here, and i think i have a good idea of how to start fixing this problem. First though, let me give a brief history.
My premature ejaculation problem is probably the result of a somewhat unorthodox sexual relationship with my first girlfriend. We started having sex at 16, and i clearly remember NOT ejaculating quickly the first time, which amazes me to think about now. The thing was, she quickly learned she REALLY disliked pure vaginal sex, it was always painful for her (and no, i'm not exceptionally large or anything). So, we improvised various ways to get her off (a lot of times it being her on top riding her clit on my shaft), and then after she came it was my turn, which basically took the form of "do what you must: the quicker the better". I dated her, and we had sex like that, for SIX YEARS until we broke up when i was 22. It seems kind of strange and unhealthy now, but what did i care? i didn't know any better, and i was still getting more consistent action than basically anyone else i knew.
As you might expect, when i started hooking up with other girls after we broke up, i quickly realized i had a problem. I think I had sex with about five girls before meeting my current girlfriend, and with each of those girls i somehow managed to hide the premature ejaculation. This was made easier by the fact that we didn't use condoms, i was usually drunk, i can stay hard after coming, and i can have multiple orgasms in, say, a one hour session. With my next (and current) girlfriend it was not really an issue at first, we both agree that the first night we had sex was by far the best sex either of us had ever experienced. What she didn't realize at the time was that i had already come inside her once before the orgasm that we shared 25 minutes later.
However, as time has gone by (i've now been dating her about a year and a half), it has become more of an issue. In the beginning of our relationship, we were having sex so frequently that bit by bit i was lasting longer and longer (still not "long" but at least long enough for us to both enjoy it for a few minutes), and i would still be able to come a second time without really any time to recoup. Now that the frequency of sex has slowed down though, i find myself back to ejaculating extremely quickly. On the flip side however, it has become harder to produce the second orgasm.
So now i'm without what i considered to be my saving grace after ejaculating quickly, and my confidence in bed has tumbled downhill. And besides, basically "giving up" the first orgasm and relying on staying hard and hoping for a second is kind of lame, and can ruin the romance and the spontaneity of the moment, especially when you have a girlfriend like mine whose sexual mindset is all centered on pleasing yours truly, and doesn't enjoy the full focus to be on her. We have openly discussed my issue, but it makes me uncomfortable and i usually send some misdirected anger her way, and i know it is because i am embarrassed, frustrated, and insecure about it. And it is a self perpetuating cycle, because you know EXACTLY what will be on my mind the next time we have sex. It is beginning to rob us of a good sex life.
SO enough about my history, lets discuss possible solutions! After reading about pelvic floor muscles and trying some kegel exercises, i think my main problem is an automatic, unwilling kegel "clench" response upon penetration. Sometimes before we're even having sex i can even feel the small lifts of my penis that clenching my kegel muscles produces. Its as if my body is trained to say yep, we have reached the destination, ready for takeoff! When i first tried a kegel, i thought "this is what it feels like when my penis is trying to come. its like its straining to come. i need to work on the OPPOSITE of this, and SUPPRESSING this automatic reaction". Is this what practicing reverse kegels will do for me? Or as a beginner do i need to first work on just toning and getting control of this muscle before i proceed to the next step?
I've also read about being able to clench your kegels super hard right at the moment of orgasm to put a kink in the hose and suppress ejaculation. I tried this while masturbating with an actually decent result seeing as it was my first day doing kegels (nothing came out on the first wave or two of orgasm, and then just a dribbling after that). Is the idea that you will stay hard and be able to orgasm again and ejaculate the previously suppressed semen after continuing sex a while longer? Is there a similar technique but using a strong REVERSE kegel?
I also read about the edging and ballooning masturbation techniques, which basically sound like a form of the start/stop method. I take it the goal of these is to help familiarize oneself with the point of no return, and controlling arousal? I may be wrong, but it seems like the closer i can come to mimicking the real thing in practice (tight grip, lube, porn) while controlling myself the better prepared i will be for actually implementing control in the bedroom?
PLEASE let me know if you think i am on track with all this. Are there additional exercises/techniques you guys can think of that may be helpful for me? What should i focus on? And most importantly... Do you think if i implement the things discussed above that i will actually have results??? Thank you.
