Breaking up

[NP97]

Anyone else have trouble with this?
So my girlfriend and I are on a break. I'm unhappy and want to be done with it. She means a lot and her feelings.... I don't want to hurt them. I do love her still, I'm just not IN love with her anymore. I know we will stay as friends, because she was a much better friend than girlfriend.
I just don't know how to do it without hurting her so badly. I'm just wishing she would, because I know she is unhappy now. But she won't either.
Anyone have any tips? Hurting someone I care about is not something I really look forward to doing and I don't want to string her along anymore.

 

[BigO]

I dont knowif there is a great way to tell you NP, I think the best thing is to go straight to it and tell her you care fore her and always will but you are not in love with her in the way she deserves to be loved and your breaking it off. No matter how you say it , it will hurt but if she feels the same as you then maybe you could be freinds again from the get go.

 

[CUSP82]

I dont knowif there is a great way to tell you NP, I think the best thing is to go straight to it and tell her you care fore her and always will but you are not in love with her in the way she deserves to be loved and your breaking it off. No matter how you say it , it will hurt but if she feels the same as you then maybe you could be freinds again from the get go.

There is no better advice than this!

 

[secureman]

Don't let her dump you. If this is the girl you were writing about before she sounded like someone who deserved to get dumped. If she cries then good that just means you're a man worth crying for.

 

[Closed039]

I seem to remember you saying that you ceased PE on her behalf. Sounds like irreconcilable differences to me!

 

[funkylemonade]

^LOL @ Skeptics comment. I think you need to be honest with her NP.. this uncertainty and suspense will put further strain on the relationship. Right now your both unhappy and you've already acknowledged she was a better friend than girlfriend. So really you have nothing to lose. In fact, you have it better off than most people. I wish I was in a position like that. I care very much for the girl I dated but due to her insecurities, maintaining any sort of friendship post-relationship doesn't seem like it's possible for us (which hurts). It's very unlikely you'll lose your woman as a friend... down the road she could honor your decision and respect you for being proactive. I don't know what kind of person she is but you seem like you understand. Trust your gut, it should all work out.

 

[nightsky]

Honesty is the best policy! Especially for you. Don't get stuck being unhappy because you are worried about her feelings. IN this case, your feelings matter more.

 

[Batwoman]

Don't draw it out. If you know you are going to leave her, get it over and don't torture her by making it a long, drawn out breakup full of angst and endless sessions of discussion etc. And when it is over, try not to be around her if you know she is hurting. The worst thing in the world is to be rejected by someone and then to have to see them every day, going happily on about their lives, enjoying themselves and finding new partners while you die a thousand deaths inside. Seen from that side, the idea that "we can be friends and still spend time together" is a unique form of torture. It seems to me that it is usually inflicted on the nice (nasty people never seem to end up with those sorts of demands made of them after someone breaks up with them). Make it easy on her, and make yourself scarce if you know that she still wants you.

 

[Raider]

Anyone else have trouble with this?
So my girlfriend and I are on a break. I'm unhappy and want to be done with it. She means a lot and her feelings.... I don't want to hurt them. I do love her still, I'm just not IN love with her anymore. I know we will stay as friends, because she was a much better friend than girlfriend.
I just don't know how to do it without hurting her so badly. I'm just wishing she would, because I know she is unhappy now. But she won't either.
Anyone have any tips? Hurting someone I care about is not something I really look forward to doing and I don't want to string her along anymore.

I just ended it with mine NP

It was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do but I was just straight forward with her and I know that we are both going to be better off and happier.

 

[NP97]

Thanks everyone.

Don't draw it out. If you know you are going to leave her, get it over and don't torture her by making it a long, drawn out breakup full of angst and endless sessions of discussion etc. And when it is over, try not to be around her if you know she is hurting. The worst thing in the world is to be rejected by someone and then to have to see them every day, going happily on about their lives, enjoying themselves and finding new partners while you die a thousand deaths inside. Seen from that side, the idea that "we can be friends and still spend time together" is a unique form of torture. It seems to me that it is usually inflicted on the nice (nasty people never seem to end up with those sorts of demands made of them after someone breaks up with them). Make it easy on her, and make yourself scarce if you know that she still wants you.

And I agree completely. It's just hard for me to do that with someone. And the part at the end... yeah I know. Friends can happen in time, but if it's tried directly after a breakup it tends to end quite poorly.

 

[NP97]

Well all done. Not fun. But feel like a weight has been lifted. Thanks again.

 

[Koh]

I simply call BS on the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line; however, I am quick to have no feelings when it seems to break things off. No wonder I have few friends/past relationships.

 

[MrBigDick]

Anyone else have trouble with this?
So my girlfriend and I are on a break. I'm unhappy and want to be done with it. She means a lot and her feelings.... I don't want to hurt them. I do love her still, I'm just not IN love with her anymore. I know we will stay as friends, because she was a much better friend than girlfriend.
I just don't know how to do it without hurting her so badly. I'm just wishing she would, because I know she is unhappy now. But she won't either.
Anyone have any tips? Hurting someone I care about is not something I really look forward to doing and I don't want to string her along anymore.

I dated someone just like this. Great friend but crappy gf. I just told her I couldn't do this anymore and broke it off. Short, sweet and to the point. We're still friends to this day.

 

[NP97]

I simply call BS on the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line; however, I am quick to have no feelings when it seems to break things off. No wonder I have few friends/past relationships.

There is a difference. You can love and care about someone but not want more than friendship.

 

[GymBoi4eva]

I agree, you can love alot of people, but you can only truely be in love with one, thats my opinion. I think most guys have been in this situation including me, its not nice but has to be done. I feel for you bro. I suppose on the bright side you can finally start doing PE again...