do I tell her about these exercises?

[bassplayer]

Hi everyone,

I've been with my fiancee for about 5 years, and the sex has always been good-if-not-great. Sex aside, we are best friends, we hit it off very well and we compliment each other to a tee.

Cutting a long story short, premature ejaculation is starting to cause our relationship some havoc.

My partner has always had a low libido, and sex hasn't really been a predominant thing for either of us. In terms of frequency, we might average out to 'once every couple of weeks' (sometimes its every day for a few days, other times its a few weeks between sessions, mostly due to tiredness and other factors).

When we do have sex, it is typically in the 5-10minute range. I know I'm no stud but often it hasn't been so much of a problem, as she's generally quick to make herself orgasm, and we both give lots of oral sex. But recently, there's been a lot of changes (ie. She's been losing a lot of weight, and her body has been changing a lot hormonally)... And her libido had changed somewhat. Also, she is 25 and I am already 30... So i've read that her sexual desire will naturally increase slightly as time goes on, a male's would start to decline.

last week, we had a fight about this for the first time. In this session, try as I might, I just couldn't make her climax - even though I was of course able to. It was a very harrowing experience to be subsiquentially told 'that I wasn't good enough' on this occasion, and despite that we were tipsy that night, she suggested I look into lasting longer.

Its all also confusing because although she's probably right (i'm all for improving stamina and lasting longer), previously she's often mentioned that the length of our intercourse has been totally ok... and most times she encourages me to come whoever I can. In the past I have also played around with delaying my own orgasms (although admittedly not knowing what I was doing).. Sometimes this worked a little but there's been occasions where I haven't been able to come at all... and that has been pretty detrimental (i think to her self asteem) in its own right.

my question is: should I tell her (and how do i?) that I'm doing starting this program? I sort of want to.. Especially considering that things are still a little bit weird since our fight on the weekend. On the other hand, I don't want to sound too desperate or like a tryhard or a loser. From what I read, it will take 4-6 weeks of work before improvement starts to show.. so what do I do in the meantime?

Thanks for reading, would love to know thoughts.

Cheers,

Mark

 

[TJM19]

Well sounds like she had a cup of bitch that morning lol. 5-10 min is 100% normal so don't worry. I would tell her you are doing it if I were you. She told you to do something about it so she should be supportive. Just don't seem self conscious about it and it shouldnt be an issue. Its hard to say how long it takes for results. Some people it is the first day and other people it is months. If I were you I would still try to have sex as much as possible. Thats the best way to get better. Just learn to regulate your breathing and relax your PC muscle will having sex. You should look into a reverse kegel routine and starting edging.

 

[Starbuck1776]

You PE for you...

Dont get caught up in the physical act betwixt you and her, she needs to know that you are satisfied with her,mostly from an emotional standpoint. Dont be insecure about that one time, alcohol is not truth serum!

 

[TurtleProblems]

From the responses she gave you, absolutely not. It could make matters alot worse than they have to be, and put alot of unwanted stress on you to perform. If you really personally want to go on an enlargement program thats fine, but it really doesn't have to be anyones bussiness. What if down the road the relationship just doesn't work out? She could always hold this against you. Honestly, I wouldn't. ^ Agreed with Starbuck.

 

[dustinshaw98]

I don't think an enlargement will help, too. With women, there's always an emotional dimension to everything.

 

[Rando]

Her demands do seem a bit unreasonable. So she gets upset when you cum a bit too soon, but also upset when you used the delaying tactics and took awhile to cum? Does she want sex to last 12 minutes right down to the second or something?

 

[KungFuJoe]

5 years together and she hits you with this?

I think there's something else (not sex related) at play here. How's the rest of your relationship?

I think something else is wrong...losing a lot of weight, lowered libido, complaining about sex, etc. Is she on a new kind of birth control? Is she on some crazy ass diet? Honestly, sex is the LAST place I would look at for the problem here.

 

[bassplayer]

re:

re:

Rando: in regards to me not climaxing, I can understand this. I mean, we pride ourselves a little on making our partners 'get there', so isn't it reasonable to assume that they would feel this way too? Especially given the difference in 'physiology' and how 'easy' it is usually for guys to get over the line. Add to that a host of insecurities related to body image, and I can see where she's coming from.

other things at play? hell yes. other things up? Sure! We will be married in september, and she's been on duramine and the pill for about 3 months (in a determined effort to lose masses of body weight before then. So far she's lost about 15kg, and she aims to lose about another 30kg before then). Duramine has some downright nasty side effects (including mood / hormone changes and LOTS of insomnia), and at 2-3hrs sleep per day, the insomnia is especially rough. but I can't reiterate enough that relationship has actually been pretty good over the summer so far - better than what I braced for. We are just coming off an amazing christmas holiday period! She's a smart girl and she's not abusing dosages or anything, but the side effects exist.

As for telling her? I still have my doubts. On one hand, I kind of want to mention it because I want to look proactive, like I am doing something. I partly feel that not saying anything will look like I'm not caring / being lazy . On the other hand, I am unsure as to how to bring it up in conversation, and yes - if improvement doesn't happen straight away, she could hold it against me. although I don't feel insects about last time repeating itself, telling her could always add some weirdness to the equation.

On a lighter note, I've not done reverse kegels before, but I'm eager to learn. I'm still a bit confused about them (can they be done flaccid?) but I'll read up

 

[Koh]

Just say I'm going to start working out my body, all of it. That way, your overall body can get a nice workout as well.

 

[Steve23]

Tell her to try to 'last shorter' for her orgasm.

 

[KungFuJoe]

Rando: in regards to me not climaxing, I can understand this. I mean, we pride ourselves a little on making our partners 'get there', so isn't it reasonable to assume that they would feel this way too? Especially given the difference in 'physiology' and how 'easy' it is usually for guys to get over the line. Add to that a host of insecurities related to body image, and I can see where she's coming from.

other things at play? hell yes. other things up? Sure! We will be married in september, and she's been on duramine and the pill for about 3 months (in a determined effort to lose masses of body weight before then. So far she's lost about 15kg, and she aims to lose about another 30kg before then). Duramine has some downright nasty side effects (including mood / hormone changes and LOTS of insomnia), and at 2-3hrs sleep per day, the insomnia is especially rough. but I can't reiterate enough that relationship has actually been pretty good over the summer so far - better than what I braced for. We are just coming off an amazing christmas holiday period! She's a smart girl and she's not abusing dosages or anything, but the side effects exist.

As for telling her? I still have my doubts. On one hand, I kind of want to mention it because I want to look proactive, like I am doing something. I partly feel that not saying anything will look like I'm not caring / being lazy . On the other hand, I am unsure as to how to bring it up in conversation, and yes - if improvement doesn't happen straight away, she could hold it against me. although I don't feel insects about last time repeating itself, telling her could always add some weirdness to the equation.

On a lighter note, I've not done reverse kegels before, but I'm eager to learn. I'm still a bit confused about them (can they be done flaccid?) but I'll read up

So you are really asking two separate questions:

- Why is my partner acting the way she is?
- Should I tell her I'm doing PE?

They are NOT related and you're already answered your first question. Telling her or not telling her you're doing PE isn't going to change a damn thing as long as she has all those other things going on that you mentioned.

Dude...she's on Duramine (appetite suppressor that is loaded with a caffeine-like drug) AND she has insomnia (either brought on by the Duramine or accentuated) AND she's on the pill.

Are you crazy? You're lucky she doesn't KILL you.

Be glad that she's only bitching about the sex. She is going through hell.

Anyways...to answer your other question. It's very simple. Don't tell her it's for size increase. Tell her it's to prevent erectile dysfunction later on in life and lots of men are doing it. You can mention that size is a "common" side effect, but that's up to you if you want to bring it up.

 

[donjelqer76]

People say stupid sh*t when they are drinking. Sounds to me like she wanted to take the pressure or her inability to orgasm off of herself and put it solely on you. Personally, I would forgive her of her ignorant comment and chalk it up to a bad night of drinking - especially since this is a first-time occurrence. As far as lasting, 5-10 minutes is fine and definitely not pre E as far as I'm concerned.

I think you should tell her. I told my wife and I'm happy that I did. If you two are close and care for eachother, then she should at least be supportive even if she doesn't fully understand your motives. Ask for her help in it even, she may even be flattered that you did.

 

[bassplayer]

thanks for the replies! To be clear, I am not doing PE exercises at all... And I haven't done for ages. It is the pelvic floor muscles (kegels and the like) that I want to speak to her about.

Thanks don, yes I sort of think I might tell her. And yes, duramine is a nasty piece of work!

 

[Koh]

Tell her to do kegels as well :]

 

[malehanger]

I think if you really do love her, you'll help her get off that damn duramine. That cannot be healthy regardless of how well it may be working for her weight loss goals. What about when she reaches her goal weight? She's going off the stuff right? Then what? A year later, she'll likely gain a good amount back, then have to go back on. That's how "diets" like this approach work. I'd make it a TEAM EFFORT for both of you to find a healthier approach for her. Like a sensible eating and exercise plan. There are plenty of examples out there.

As far as PE goes, I'd tell her personally. For me at least, that has been the best approach in my relationships. My wife knows I hang. I wouldn't dare hide it from her. How else would I explain my size increases as they continue? I don't get how other guys hide PE from someone they supposedly care so deeply about. Granted, it's not a drug habit, or steroids, either of which could do some serious damage to a relationship emotionally, legally, and so on. Still, a united couple is supposed to have a sharing relationship where they do not hide things from each other. Imagine her finding out oh, let's say 2 years later that you have been doing PE behind her back. "What else have you been hiding???" is likely to come up. Then what? More emotional issues than needed, a big issue with trust that will NEVER completely go away...trust me on that one. Women are like elephants and never forget when you hurt them emotionally and for most women, TRUST is a big thing you don't mess with. Go ahead and hide your PE though, it's your life and relationship. I just don't get how other guys do it though and live with themselves.

Sorry OP, I just now re-read things and it looks like you're just considering pelvic exercise vs. actual PE.

 

[BigO]

I agree with malehanger and Donjelquer both. I told my wife just because I was not going to do any of this half assed, whether its for better endurance, size increase or both.
To the others who may think she is a beeeeeyatch, read the first post again, sounds like a bad day and nothing more. In 5 years she said once damn, I wanted more, no big deal It wasnt abusive, maybe just worded poorly. She is on a new pill and they all have different side effects for different woman. I would suggest telling her, she asked you to look into something and you have found it. I would let her in on it, my wife reads many of the threads here and actually has found many very insightfull.
You could try a very light routine like Babis' or the PESG routine, both of which you could find in the beginners forums. Even though you may not be looking for size increases they will also provide good penile health and that is always a good thing and you may get some added bonus out of doing them.
We alo havestamina eercises such as kegels, reverse kegels, edging and ballooning. Take a good look around and if you cant find something just ask, we are here to help you. Best wishes on your goals and your upcomming wedding.

 

[nightsky]

I would not tell her about this, no.

This is very personal for me, and the last thing I would want would be this getting out to people. I keep it quiet.

 

[Zibman]

I would not tell her about this, no.

This is very personal for me, and the last thing I would want would be this getting out to people. I keep it quiet.

Same, I never told anyone, including my wife. I just think it's too personal.

 

[bassplayer]

thanks again for the thoughts! Yes, I agree with bigO, malehanger and others. given that penile health and pelvic floor are the names of the game, I will be mentioning it to her directly. I can see why some people keep PE private too.
Yes, routine exercise and a routine diet can only be good things. fortunately, she works in education and so I have a bit more of a chance to take over the kitchen when the school year kicks in. thanks also for the tip on the beginners forums, I'll start there!