Need advice on how to flirt, please!

[somebodyelse]

Dude, this is so true. You're a genius. Repped.

Oh hey, so I'm gonna call cute receptionist girl at around 11am today, then right after head to the mall to see if cute cashier girl is there.

I thought about this little thing I could do with cute receptionist girl about the whole "un-friending" me thing. I'll bring it up lightly in conversation, just saying that I noticed she un-friended me. Then I can say something like, "Well, you're gonna have to work to get back that facebook friend status." Then she'll probably ask what she has to do. And I'll say, "Dinner. With me."

And then after having the dinner if she brings up the fb friend request, I'll say something like, "You know, it really wasn't about the facebook friend request. I just wanted to spend some time with you." Then her heart will melt.

I wouldn't even bring up the Facebook thing...

 

[Qarzan]

I wouldn't even bring up the Facebook thing...

Yeah, you're right. No need to bring up negative things. I think this tactic is called "emotional blackmail", and is used by 2-year-olds. Or it could be called "guilt trip." Don't want her associating me with anything negative.

Well, I called the cute receptionist girl (I'll start just calling her "receptionist" from now on, and the cute cashier girl as "cashier"), she didn't answer, so I left a message asking her to call me back. I said that I'd like to ask her at least over the phone, and not in a voicemail.

Then I went to the mall, found the Spencer's store and walked in. Cashier wasn't there; there were two other girls working. I walked out and headed towards the food court to get some lunch. Then I felt I had just taken the "chicken" way out, went back to the Spencer's, asked one of the workers if cashier was in, which she said she wasn't. I left a note to be put in her work inbox, saying that I had stopped by, and that I would stop by on Monday to see her, and if she wanted she could call me.

I felt that it was kinda sneaky/creepy of me to stop by her work without letting her know. I wanted to be up front about it, and also there was a possibility that she was there and I just didn't see her. That's why I went back and asked.

Anyways, as I was eating my lunch at the food court, receptionist called me. I answered, she was really really giggly. She was laughing at everything I said, every little sentence, starting with:

"Hi, how are you?"
*laugh*
"So, I was thinking of Saturday afternoon."
*laugh*
"What? What's so funny? Is it something I said?"
*laugh*
At this point I felt bad about not laughing with her, so I said, "You're funny."

So we're meeting up on Saturday at 3pm, going for coffee and ice cream. Sounds cute, right? It turns out she's been here in the area for a year and doesn't know many people. Her weekends are usually really boring with nothing to do. Hmm, seems like an invitation to start filling her, umm... schedule, right?

Oh, another thing, I got a boner just from talking to her over the phone about everyday smalltalk stuff. That's the first time that's happened in a looooong time.

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When I ordered my lunch, the cashier was getting my order ready, she started smalltalk, asking what I did. There were other people in line, but for some reason she really wanted to talk to me. So I opened up, told her that I was a law student. We had a nice short little conversation, then she handed me my receipt and touched my hand a little as she did. Oooh, very very nice.

I think when you exude positivity and openness, people sense it even without you saying anything, and it attracts people and invites them to start something.

I had also noticed one of the other workers at Spencer's, when I walked in the first time, was a little flirty when she was telling me that their pajamas were on sale.

I've noticed with all this flirting going on, I'm really a lot hornier than before. Does flirting have any affect on testosterone levels? I feel like mine have spiked lately.

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EDIT: In preparation of what I feel is about to start, I have ordered a lot of condoms from Amazon.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

 

[islander]

Wow she unfriended you from fb?
And still wants to talk and go out?

Do not mention it and IMO do not add her back.
Fb messes up relationships. Leave it be.

Good luck Q sounds like you are working it!!

 

[Qarzan]

Wow she unfriended you from fb?
And still wants to talk and go out?

Do not mention it and IMO do not add her back.
Fb messes up relationships. Leave it be.

Good luck Q sounds like you are working it!!

Yes, it's amazing to me that she was actually still receptive to me. It could be that she didn't want me to have access to her facebook. It could also be that she wants more mystery. Oh well, whatever her reasons, I've learned that facebook is bad, and I won't be adding her back.

 

[Qarzan]

I'm getting nervous about tomorrow. I don't know why. Well, actually I do; it's because she's really cute.

Although, I have a feeling she will be just as nervous as me. Hopefully we can turn that into sparks and chemistry. Wish me luck!

 

[Qarzan]

Ok well, the date went kinda ok I guess. We went to coffee, sat at a small table. Our legs were touching, but she didn't move them. We talked about smalltalk stuff. It was going pretty well, she was laughing a lot, wasn't retreating when I touched her hand, very nice and flirty.

Then we went to a bakery. It was kinda cold out, so we didn't get ice cream. On the way there, she was kinda shivering, so I put my arm around her. After a while she kinda squirmed out of it though. Didn't make a big deal out of it. They had some dolmas, she asked what they were, I explained it to her, said they were Greek. I was surprised she had never had one before. I offered to get one, but then decided it wouldn't go well with any kind of cake. We ordered a tiramisu and some green tea.

In the bakery the conversation got more serious. She asked me if I wanted to get married, I responded, "eventually, yes." She seemed satisfied with this. Then I asked her what she thought happiness was. I was surprised when she said she hadn't thought about it before; I thought this was something that people usually think about. Anyways, I tried to explain what I thought happiness was, spent a good 15 minutes doing so. I noticed that her eyes widened, and she had a smile on her face. I think she really liked how I thought of happiness.

Then I was asking her what she had planned for the rest of the evening. She didn't have anything planned, but there was this one friend that wanted to hang out with her, but she didn't want to hang out with. I told her I had a friend's birthday party to attend, that I would invite her, but that I would do so when we felt more comfortable around each other. In fact, it was a dance party where there would be a lot of close dancing, drinking, and friendly cuddling; I'm sure she wouldn't be able to handle it, especially after our first time hanging out.

I felt a bit bad, so I asked her to have dinner with me... that day. Right when I asked her, someone walking by tapped on the window next to us. It startled her, and she said, "What was that?" I said, "It was a message from God, saying, 'He's cute, go to dinner with him.'" She said yes.

Now that I think about it, I think dinner was a bit much. On the way there I held out my hand to see if she would take it. She said, "Why do you want to hold my hand?" I said, "Holding hands is waaaay under-rated" and left it at that.

We went to a cajun restaurant, she said she had never had cajun food before. I told her that if she wants some traditional cajun food, she should get the jambalaya. I ordered the blackened catfish. And then she ordered the... cobb salad?!? Weird. I was intrigued and asked her if she was on a diet, she said no.

The dinner was awkward, seemed like we didn't have much to talk about any more, which is why I think I should've ended it at the bakery. Oh well, lesson learned. Afterwards I walked her to the parking garage, gave her a hug, and told her to let me know if she wants to hang out again.

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I'm getting ready to head to the mall and ask out Cashier. She'll probably say "no" since she's had my number and hasn't called. Well, it's worth a try, and I think it'll make her feel good.

On another note, there's this 18-y/o I met over here this Summer just before she was going to go off to college, we've been messaging each other over facebook. Anyways, she just initiated an FB convo just now. I flirted with her a little bit. She said that I made her blush, and probably just made her day. It gave me the right attitude to just go ahead and ask out Cashier, with no fear of rejection... if anything it'll probably make her day.

 

[Qarzan]

Went to the mall, asked out that Cashier. She said she already has a serious boyfriend. I said, "I figured as much." Then she said that it was nice to meet me. We shook hands, I said, "It was worth a try," and I left the store.

So, now on to the 19-y/o dancer chick. I saw her at a party on Saturday, she always had a hard time remembering my name. After we danced, she said my name, but somehow I didn't hear it.
She said, "aren't you impressed I remembered your name?"
I said, "Oh, you did? Oh... well, now I'm impressed."
But I was talking to this other girl at the time. The other girl is really cute, has a nice ass, but I know she already has a boyfriend. We were just talking as friends, and having a really good time because she's so cool. I think the 19-y/o was a little jealous, but hey, if she wanted some of my time, she would have to try and be interesting to me. Later on that night, it was getting late, I was talking to some of my other friends... real good friends (2 older women). We were talking about my divorce, comparing divorce stories... just real talk. Then we all got tired and we snuggled on the beanbag together. I noticed the 19-y/o kinda eyeing us... me with 2 women, 1 under each arm, cuddling. It wasn't anything erotic or anything, we were all just really good friends and just had a really nice chat, so we were feeling really close to each other. Cuddling seemed like a natural thing to do at that time.

Well, I'll see if she's going to the dance tonight, maybe I'll ask her to dance and flirt a little. P (East Indian woman that doesn't seem to have time for me) will be there too. I'll practice flirting with P until she just can't stand it anymore and HAS TO make time for me, if it ever reaches that point. Otherwise, it'll just be flirting practice.

Oh, there was this other girl at the Thursday dance venue, she was coming on to me pretty strong: talking to me, asking me how old I was, disappointed when I said I didn't remember her from the previous week. She came with one of my other friends, but during the conversation she said that she's not really dating him (which I heard a different story from him). In addition, when he came up to us to ask her to dance, she turned to me and asked for my permission. That was odd, but kinda showed me where she held her respect. I said, "Yeah, go ahead." She's pretty hot, kinda cute, but I don't want to get involved in any sticky situation with this other guy. I'll see if she's there this Thursday, maybe flirt a bit, but drop some hints that she has to get rid of the other guy first. If she does this, I don't foresee us having a real serious relationship, since it'll be likely that she'll drop me for someone else later on. But, hey, at least we can have some fun, right?

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EDIT: Oh, also kinda waiting to see if Receptionist wants to go out a second time. I'll see her on Wednesday and try to gauge her attitude.

 

[Rando]

Wow dude, sounds like you have plenty of quality women interested in you, I don't think you need any advice at all on how to flirt, lol.

A couple comments about the date you gave us a trip report for:

1) It's generally a positive sign when she starts asking more personal questions, definite sign of interest

2) Also a positive sign that she only ordered a salad. I think it's a bit common for women who are interested in you to eat "light" so as not to seem messy or that they eat a lot of food.

3) You went about the hand holding thing just fine, put it out there and see if she's interested, if not, no biggie. For some women, hand holding is fairly intimate and something reserved for serious boyfriends.

4) I generally like to space out dates, so the Dinner may have been too soon. I think attraction is built between dates. It gives you both time to envision what it would be like in a long term relationship with one another, and if the last date went well, then her interest will only grow and it's not like she will forget about you if you wait another 4-5 days for date #2. I was with one girl recently and we had a 3 hour meeting on Monday (first date), 5 hours together on Friday night, and 4 hours on Saturday afternoon, but the attraction just seemed to fizzle out, it seemed like it was way too much too soon.

Anyway, you definitely seem to know what you're doing, your confidence will continue to go through the roof as you date more girls and I think you already understand the social proof that being around women gives you. If a girl is interested in you and constantly sees you with other girls, even if they are just platonic friends, it drives them wild.

 

[Qarzan]

Rando,

Thanks for sharing your perspective. It really changed the way I was thinking about the date. I did end up texting her today, saying that I had a good time on Saturday (2 days ago). She replied fairly quickly, texting that she had fun too.

I'm seeing her on Wednesday, not because we're going out, but because she works at the dance studio. I'll probably see if we can do something this weekend, which would mean 7 or 8 days between dates. Now that you mention that, I think that's part of what went wrong with the last girl I dated; we hung out too often. The first week, we hung out probably 3 or 4 times. Oh well, live and learn, right?

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On another note, the 19-y/o, I hafta say, she really knows how to get under a guy's skin. I think she was getting frustrated that I wasn't paying attention to her, so tonight as one song ended and I was talking to one of my friends, she came right up to me, grabbed me around the waist, and dragged me onto the dancefloor. She led me for one song (she was the lead, I was the follow), she was so confident that it was a HUGE turn-on for me. I think she was also impressed with how well I was following. Then after that song, I thanked her, and she said, "Now you have to lead me one song." I said, "Yes, ma'am!"

I hafta say, after that I couldn't think about anything else but her for the rest of the night. It was like she put a spell on me. Not only that, but I kept looking around to see where she was. Something about what she did to me made the thought of her keep rattling through my brain. I think she just wanted some acknowledgement, and wanted to feel that she had control. Well, she got it, both the acknowledgement and the control; I was at her every whim, if she so desired. She ignored me the rest of the night, and I felt that she had really turned the tables on me. Damn, she was really good at that.

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The reason I post all these details is, first, maybe someone else is or will be in a similar situation and can relate/learn from my accounds. Second, so people who read them can give accurate advice about what I'm doing right, and what I'm doing wrong. I definitely appreciate the feedback, so fire away!

 

[ryansambas]

Not really feedback, I just don't know how you do it lol. How many girls are you actively involved with at the minute? I've lost count. I need to do some of the things you're doing

 

[Qarzan]

Not really feedback, I just don't know how you do it lol. How many girls are you actively involved with at the minute? I've lost count. I need to do some of the things you're doing

Hey Ryan!

I think, #1, just start working on yourself. I made a list of personality traits I would like for myself. Then made a list of bahaviors I wanted to take on. My list right now (there have been several revisions) looks like this:

Qualitites: confident, friendly, fun, affectionate, compassionate, independent

Skills: recognize & reward others' attempts to get closer; practice compliments/positive thinking; conversation; storytelling; physical affection, sensitivity & appropriateness; identify negative emotions, analyze to find out their source, and eliminate that source; do/say more in-person rather than over facebook/email/phone

Notice that the list does not include learning how to pick up girls, flirting, or what-not.

After that, start incorporating those things into yourself. Revise/add/subtract from the list when necessary. This takes a lot of pressure off of meeting girls, and they will sense that you're not really "after them." Then you will begin to sense when they are attracted to you. The first will appear. I jumped on the first opportunity, which was a mistake, but I learned from it. Then the second, third, fourth...

I think having multiple potentials prevents me from obsessing about any particular one, and it helps me project a more confident, laissez-faire attitude towards each one, since I know there is another one in the pipeline if this one doesn't work out.

Most importantly, though, you need to expose yourself to as many women as possible. Simple exposure will help you meet new people, make new friends, and improve your social skills.

Hope this helps!

 

[Qarzan]

I have a question: when a girl is interested in you, do they talk to other girls to find out more about you? And if other girls know there is one in particular who is eyeing you, will they stay out of her way?

 

[hanginlowish]

Dude I'm Sry I read the first 2 pages n it was fuckin horrible advice..

Throw out all that touch, talk softly b.s... That stuff is for the woman to do to u when she's interested... Ill tell u problem #1 Ur too nice.. I'm not saying be mean but when Ur with her be a lil less interested... Let her know in a subtle way u have other options... Give off an aura of I'm the sh*t...

Also what are Ur strong points? Are u good looking? Funny? Witty? Big penis?... Figure out Ur strengths n highlight them....

Girls don't want a nice guy they want an asshole.. Make a sex joke here n there... Be a man...

As far as flirting... Very simple.. Say something funny n try to always have a witty response to things she says.. Find an edgy actor n see what he does n try to make a blue print out of it...

If all those things I said just aren't u.. Then Sry my friend you'll nvr get what Ur looking for...

 

[Qarzan]

Dude I'm Sry I read the first 2 pages n it was fuckin horrible advice..

Throw out all that touch, talk softly b.s... That stuff is for the woman to do to u when she's interested... Ill tell u problem #1 Ur too nice.. I'm not saying be mean but when Ur with her be a lil less interested... Let her know in a subtle way u have other options... Give off an aura of I'm the sh*t...

Also what are Ur strong points? Are u good looking? Funny? Witty? Big penis?... Figure out Ur strengths n highlight them....

Girls don't want a nice guy they want an asshole.. Make a sex joke here n there... Be a man...

As far as flirting... Very simple.. Say something funny n try to always have a witty response to things she says.. Find an edgy actor n see what he does n try to make a blue print out of it...

If all those things I said just aren't u.. Then Sry my friend you'll nvr get what Ur looking for...

Yes, I've heard these before as well. The thing is, I don't like being an asshole. It makes me unhappy. And that's the goal in life: to be happy. At least for me, it is.

I can be sassy, downright dirty at times. I've been known to smack some asses if they're wagged in my face, or grab a thigh if it's presented before me, etc. I'm one of the more bold dancers out there, and my attitude gets multiplied by 10 when I'm out on the floor, and/or when people are watching. But it's all done in fun, I do it with a smile and a laugh, sometimes with a mischievous grin, but always out of playfulness and fun, and never out of disrespect.

EDIT: BUT now that I've experienced what it's like on the other side (the 19-y/o girl completely taking control, being bold and confident), I would really like to start practicing that. I think that's the next step, the next thing I need to work on. And that 19-y/o really came along just at the right time to show me what it's supposed to be.

 

[hanginlowish]

I'm not saying be mean... I'm saying give off the aura that your sh*t don't stink... Like you know shed be lucky if you let her have u... Don't be negative towards her... Be to good for her.. Thats what women want...

Thats y when Ur single its harder to get girls then when u have a girl... They want what they want..n what they want is a bad boy...

 

[someone_like_u]

Yes, I've heard these before as well. The thing is, I don't like being an asshole. It makes me unhappy. And that's the goal in life: to be happy. At least for me, it is.

I can be sassy, downright dirty at times. I've been known to smack some asses if they're wagged in my face, or grab a thigh if it's presented before me, etc. I'm one of the more bold dancers out there, and my attitude gets multiplied by 10 when I'm out on the floor, and/or when people are watching. But it's all done in fun, I do it with a smile and a laugh, sometimes with a mischievous grin, but always out of playfulness and fun, and never out of disrespect.

EDIT: BUT now that I've experienced what it's like on the other side (the 19-y/o girl completely taking control, being bold and confident), I would really like to start practicing that. I think that's the next step, the next thing I need to work on. And that 19-y/o really came along just at the right time to show me what it's supposed to be.

Q, I think you've already gotten things figured out. You're doing great just being yourself, the right type of girls will respond to you and your personality.

FYI: As a female, I never was attracted to assholes, they tend to stink up the place

 

[spanky]

Would just like to throw in here that you don't need to be an "asshole" to be sexy. Being assertive of your desires is not "asshole" behaviour any more than being nice is "pussy" behaviour. Your character is far more complex than simply asshole or pussy.

Q, I think you've already gotten things figured out. You're doing great just being yourself, the right type of girls will respond to you and your personality.

I agree

 

[hanginlowish]

i never said to not be urself...i even said if what im saying just isnt you then it isnt...not to change into something your not....

and by asshole i dont mean dousche bag jersey shore type...i mean confident for a reason i dont need u u need me type...i nvr stink any place up thats for sure...

 

[spanky]

i never said to not be urself...i even said if what im saying just isnt you then it isnt...not to change into something your not....

and by asshole i dont mean dousche bag jersey shore type...i mean confident for a reason i dont need u u need me type...i nvr stink any place up thats for sure...

Honestly I don't know if I'm an asshole or a nice guy. I know I'm a catch though, and I got enough brains to relate to all sorts of people, women, men, clients, whoever. I also know if a girl is a catch. Those are the ones I go for

 

[hanginlowish]

someone like you...the only girls that will respond to his personality are the ones who are attracted to his personality...it doesnt seem like thats the type of girl he is trying to attract...it seems he is trying to attract a different type of girl...if it was working so well he wouldnt have made this thread...just my opinion