Am I making a huge mistake by getting involved with her?

TTBB

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Its all good Dsmall..
You are probably not aware of my other postings on this forum since you are new ..I am not all pro woman and i don't defend them regardless of the situation ... If i feel a guy is in harms way or the girl is trouble/playing him or a relationship is toxic. I do say it and i explain it .Even when the girl is in the wrong i will explain what her emotional agenda or provocation might be.. Sometimes there are no right or wrong people in a situation so i will explain things from a perspective that the woman might be viewing things or feeling ..it doesn't mean i am ignoring the male emotions or feelings it usually means the male knows how he is feeling already what his emotional content is( I do give feedback on that too if required ).. ultimately i am not taking sides in things i am just throwing possibilities or my perspective on things.. AND because i can see things from multiple perspectives... i do get what you were saying in your posts, and i do agree with certain situations what you are saying would apply, i just don't think it applies to Dantes current 'relationship'... and its ok that we don't agree on that .. so its all good.
 

Dante311

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Guys - I must say... so far, TTBB is spot on with this girl I'm seeing. She came over last night, even though she needed to study for an exam (which she's still confident she aced), when I told her not to - that she should study. She came over and we baked sugar cookies together and decorated them... well actually, I butchered the first two batches and she laughed at me playfully and then made the last 2 which actually came out nicely... we still decorated them all. She finally left around 1130pm to go home to bed to get up early to study, but... I felt so bad.

Well anyhow.. upon this time... she told me straight up, she knew her priorities and said if she didn't want to come and wanted to study... she would've. She ditched her friends to study... but ditched studying to see me... which I got angry about b/c I told her school comes first!!

She smiled at me and said, "I know".

Well... regardless, we had a ton of fun... ie I can cook a gourmet meal, but can't bake for sh*t!

anyhow.. after the fun and sloppy cookie games... (SHE made me a round cookie and decorated it with a heart and insisted I ate it... which I did)

...I closed my door and asked her if she liked me...

.....she started crying.

.....I picked her chin up and she took my hand. (cue a romantic movie theme here... literally)

..She told me her ex is her life... her other half. She's gotten over people in the past fairly easily, but she does not expect to ever get back with him. I reiterated to her I'm a big boy... I know the conscious decision I'm making, no strings attached. She smiled at me. We talked about her boundaries of talking bout her ex and her rebounds...

She told me she knows she crosses the line and apologizes. I told her it's ok. I'm happy she trusts me to confide in me... She looked at me and told me she enjoys where this is going... with her 2 rebounds since her ex (over the summer)... she was drunk and felt really disgusting and ran back to her ex crying.... but when her and I hooked up, she felt weird, but didn't feel disgusting. And that she didn't run back to her ex.... but having known eachother for so long, he knew something was different about her... and she confided in him about me... and was afraid of hurting me. He told her he's happy that she found someone like me and that I'm a big boy and making a conscious decision (she was freaked out that I told her the exact same thing he told her the night before)

Does it bother me she still talks to him? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. Am I seeing the red flags? Yes.

Do I wish to pursue this no strings attached? Yes.

She told me last night... it scares her... she really, really likes me. :)

so TTBB.. thank you :)
 

TTBB

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:specool:

Does it bother me she still talks to him? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. Am I seeing the red flags? Yes.

Do I wish to pursue this no strings attached? Yes.

Its good that you can see potential red flags.. it doesn't mean anything will come out of the redflags but if it does you are more prepared for it .. and your approach is good,keep it simple.. things can always be readdressed later with time if you feel the tides are changing or not progressing.. for now enjoy the burnt cookies..
i want a man to come burn my cookies .. no wait.... umm...
 

Flanker6

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I thinks thats great you flat out asked her. I had a similar situation a few months back. This girl didn't confide anything in me but we would hang out, have fun, hook up, all that jazz. Eventually she started drifting away and I asked her if she had any feelings for me. She said no, so we both moved on in our own separate ways. We're still friends, but I'm glad I didn't make a fool out of myself wasting anymore time and energy trying to create a relationship. Now you know fully what you're getting in to and that's the best you could ask for.
Honestly I don't think her talking to her ex is anything to truly worry about. He has obviously moved on and she's still a little iffy, BUT they're relationship looks healthy as long as he isn't leading her on at all (which it looks like he isn't based off of her conversation with him). Best of luck and keep us updated!
 

Dante311

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OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.

that's it.

She's totally in to me. 100%. BUT.

BIG FUCKING BUT.

She loves her ex. STILL. I don't blame her.

My entire department knows about her + me b/c she's showing more affection than I am.

Last night... she hooked up with her ex.

She told me this AFTER she kissed me.. which SHE doesn't normally do.

I've known for about a week she was going to a party tonight for her friend's birthday... but she wanted to be at the graduate/faculty holiday party as my date... which was nice, but...

she told me... WHILE she was hooking up with her ex... he called her by the girl he's CURRENTLY with's name... not her.

So now this girl I'm into... is in shock and feels like sh*t.

I don't want to be with her anymore.

She doesn't know what to think.

I drove her to the party and left her off. Not ruining her night. She wants to talk about us tomorrow.

I'm ending it tomorrow. Let her have her fun tomorrow.

Tomorrow, i'm over it.

heh.

g'nite.

she's going to hate herself... b/c she knows I'm irritated... she senses it and she feels like sh*t b/c of it... wishing she could take it back... I know she's in love with the dude, but he dumped her... she should've gone NO contact with him like I told her to... even if she ended things with me, she needs separation from HIM if he's going to toy with her to let her own heart mend.

If I'm going to be mad.. it's at myself for going with this.

I saw the red flags. I went with it. I blame myself. I'm not hurt.

I am frustrated though.

It's over.

thanks for all the advice though ladies and gents!

and TTBB, thank you for being tolerant with giving me advice!

I'll meet someone worthy of carrying my heart... and vice versa.
 

TTBB

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Damn!!
You are doing the right thing by walking away at this point ...She fucked up!! i know she is a nice girl from what you have told me but her heart and mind are confused and like i said to you the other day to judge her by her actions from that point forward and her action is she fucked up!!
You set the tone in which she will treat you, even with all the communication the two of you have had about the situation if you turn a blind eye to her hooking up with her ex at this point then you become the doormat.. so the best thing you can do it close the door... People can have feelings for multiples and it is natural to have residual feelings for an ex and to be confused . but she is making dumb ass choices and its not fair to you .. so yep dump her ass .. move on
YOU will meet the person who is right for your heart .. and you do deserve more then this..and it is better it happened now rather then later.
I am so sorry it didn't work out for you :(
oh and don't blame yourself.. you took a chance on something that could have been special there is nothing wrong with that..