My boyfriend - His ED - My staying with it

[mistydawn]

Just a quick background: My boyfriend has ED and won't talk about it. I came to this forum for help and support (he doesn't know). Recently we had a talk about relationship stuff. It was our first real serious conversation about he and I. He was being pretty open. I tip toed to the topic of ED and slam! I didn't continue to try.

He has been having some good nights . His erections come and go.
Sometimes one will come that lasts a little longer. I did go on and give him oral sex even though he is soft. He says it feels nice, but I am a female with no personal penis experience. I figure it would still feel good. I imagine all he is doing is trying to get a hard on going. I just hope he can enjoy OS without making the stiffy the goal. I just want to give him pleasure. What else can I do to give this man pleasure?

My nights have been good. He is absolutely wonderful in bed. I get clitoral orgasms. I get g spot orgasm and I get female ejaculation. I just want to give him some pleasure back that he gives me. I did give him oral sex last night 3 times and he remained soft. Finally he got hard enough to cum. I was sooooo happy.

I have had many experiences of female ejaculation, between 10-15 times. He uses his hand for that. It is totally awesome! I am one satisfied lady. He likes to make me orgasm. My clitoral orgasms he said are "total hotness". <chuckle> I think it is because my whole body shakes. I am a bit self conscious about that.

I'll keep coming back to learn more. Goodnight.

 

[Batwoman]

Hey, that's great! Well, mostly. I am sorry your boyfriend is still struggling with ED, but I love your attitude!

 

[vulcan]

Some women know how to very lightly tickle the area between a man's balls & anus (the area has a name, but I forget) - anyway, I can only speak for myself but this drives me wild & leads to instant 100% erection. Have you ever done this mistydawn?

I have experience of ED & have used Viagra at very low dose, it worked very well & I now use it only as a back up. My ED was temporary - caused by stress.

It seems that the biggest obstacle is your husband's perception of the issue & unwillingness to talk about it.

On this site, you will see guys constantly talking about the various dietary measures that can be taken to maximize Testosterone levels alongside exercise - these are very important also.

 

[dsmall]

There are many reasons for ED. You didn't provide age or health, but the first step is always to eliminate a health reason, .i.e diabetes and a whole host of medical problems can cause ED. The the next step is pharmaceutical, anti depressants are a big culprit; and self medication with alcohol and other substances can work havoc as well. For this stuff, he has to be willing to speak to a doctor. If its physical, viagra and its relatives might be warranted in low dosages at first; and some urologists will recommend a penis pump. One of the old tests they used to use for physical ED was the stamp test where the person basically places a gummed roll of perforated stamps around their penis at night. if they get an erection, then the band of stamps rips, and that usually suggests that the person is physically capable of having an erection

The more difficult problem is emotional, and if they are coming and going, it seems that is the most likely cause. Guys lose their wood for many reasons. I find that I am most susceptible to it when I start obsessing or focusing on it too much. IOW, if you start worrying about whether you will not get a woodie, or lose a woodie, then it will certainly become a problem. It sounds like this guy gets off on being a giver, and it might be that he gets so focused on the "task" of getting you off that his body stops responding. I have had that happen as well. A guy can start to get a little inside his head if he starts worrying too much whether his lady is getting off. But basically, all these problems stem from the guy getting too much inside his own thoughts, and it is a vicious cycle. You lose the woodie a few times and then start to worry about whether you will lose a woodie.

The cure for this is more intimacy, less sex. In other words, sensual massages, kissing, and other activities short of intercourse or actual sex. Take orgasm and erections off the table for a while and focus on just relaxing while you are with each other. That's easier said than done if you've got kids and a limited time to get down to business. But once sex is off the table, it is amazing how hard those woodies come back.

Another possibility is a combination of the two, physical and emotional, and it deals with either a porn addiction or a very idiosyncratic masturbation style. IOW, the guy is very used to getting off in a specific way, and regular sex is insufficient stimulation for him to get hard and stay hard. The only cure for this is he needs to stop the overstimulating activity for a while. No porn or masturbation. Again, this is difficult because if he is not finishing during sex, he may feel that this is the only pleasure he has; and these patterns develop over many years. For example, a guy who shares a room with a brother may learn to whack off in a very vigorous and quick style, and the normal pace of sex may be under stimulating. A porn addict begins to become very focused on visual images and needs them to get and stay hard.

The final issue had to do more with information that we don't have. Sex can be a mirror of the relationship and and if things are not going well in other aspects of his life, then it can come out during sex. He may also have ongoing struggles with his own sexuality going on. My current wife's ex husband is and was a very closeted homosexual. He suffered from frequent performance issues which stressed my wife out a great deal during their marriage. If that's the case, then there is really nothing you can do. The real problem with these closeted gay men is that they are otherwise great and thoughtful companions to women. My wife adored this guy and they were great friends and he was apparently a very giving guy. But at the end of the day, there was some physical chemistry missing on both sides.

Good luck.

 

[Newbert_zero]

um I don't understand this whole Ed thing. If his dick isn't injured or broken all he has to do is strengthen his Pc and bc muscles. Maybe have him take some supplements like fish oil ginko bilooba and horny goat weed. Also get him to start edging /ballooning and kegeling. If he doesn't know what those are have him look them up on this site.

 

[TTBB]

MAybe the fact he can't get a stiffy isnt' an issue for him but by bringing it up it becomes an issue, like maybe he is at peace with the situation ..The fact he still initiates intimacy and sex with you regardless makes me think he is ok with his penis situation.. most men would avoid intimacy if they had an unreliable penis
There are some men who prefer and get more sexual pleasure off of pleasuring their woman then getting physical pleasure themselves...Like woman some men don't need to ejaculate to feel satisfaction and a lack of a boner doesn't mean lack of arousal... some men also don't get arousal from oral sex, he might have some sort of hang up about mouth to penis contact.
It sounds like you have a very healthy sex life despite his boner and ejaculation issues..
I know that on other threads we have told guys that a woman doesn't need to orgasm to be fully enjoying the sex.. it could be the same thing here but with a bit of role reversal

 

[k233g976]

u should try introducing him to some supplements. I would recommended some L arginine. It helped me get my morning wood back

 

[smallpackageRay]

I'm one of those guys like TTBB is describing. I like nothing better than giving oral to my wife, I'd do it every night and morning if she would let me. There is never the time that by the time am done, my penis isn' drooling so much I've left my own wet spot. We often only have oral and manual stimulation, especially on workweek nights. So just giving her some pleasure is definitely fine with me. She is always attentive enough the rest of the week and with my PE routine and edging I don't have to worry about not being satisfied.
Also when we do have intercourse I sometimes make sure I have dry orgasms or just enjoy the feeling of being together. That way I can go down on her again afterwards. Sometimes she doesn't feel comfortable with me doing that if I have ejaculated, especially when it has been a lot. But after a dry orgasm or light load, she is normally okay with my giving her oral again.

Finally, there are guys out here that do understand that lovemaking is more than having sex and having a big orgasm. I'm sure that a lot of single guys may focus on getting their rocks off, but once your married, sex between a husband and wife should become more of a dance. As you get to know each of better, you can predict each others moves and moods, explore new horizons of fulfillment. Honestly, sex doesn't have to become boring.

It actually sounds like your boyfriend is already on the way to understanding this. My suggestion is that when he is in the mood, let him take care of you first. This will go a long way to allow him to relax as the pressure to please you has been removed. Then you can offer him the same pleasure. If he is still soft, it's okay to give him oral and manual stimulation. Just make love to his penis the way it is. He obviously is opening himself up to you and you both know he is not erect. But remember that is not what is important. As he enjoys the pleasure, sounds like sometimes he is able to achieve an erection. The times that it is a good erection, start exploring you on top positions. there are quite few to enjoy and learn. If he loses his erection just go back to oral. No pun intented but it's not a big deal. Just relax and enjoy it. The more you two work together, the better his performance will be. The times where the erection just isn't quite there, he will mostly likely enjoy other stimulation. If you have nice sized breasts use them; or instead of inserting him, simply slide your leg between his legs and basically dry hump him.

 

[vulcan]

I still think that the over-whelming majority of men are really shaken up when they experience ED.

 

[Batwoman]

Yes, but Misty's boyfriend has obviously gotten over being too embarrassed to try sex, and is openly having an active and wonderful sex life with her. I am immensely impressed!

 

[kingpole]

We need to get to the source of ED. ED is an indicator that something is wrong in the body like cardio vascular disease. Avoiding the issue and not talking about it may be that their is a heart attack looming ahead. It could be diabetes, low hormone levels like thyroid or testosterone. All of these untreatted have deadly and expensive consequences.

 

[stump]

so how this reads is that misty is only in a new relationship cos you said that u are having your 1st serious conversation. if the relationship is new maybe he is self conscious about his penis and pleasing you so he goes down on you more to compensate. The stress of the ability to perform may be it but who knows could be serious.

As for the giving head when he's soft thing, one time i was too drunk to get it up around 50-60% erect and the chick gave me head. felt pretty good so don't worry bout that.

 

[Newbert_zero]

Um make sure he's exercising have him take all the recommended supplements and have him edge and kegel. Once he's got all those down there should be no problem. If he's doing all those things then you can start worrying about all the other stuff people are talking about.

 

[TTBB]

Um make sure he's exercising have him take all the recommended supplements and have him edge and kegel. Once he's got all those down there should be no problem. If he's doing all those things then you can start worrying about all the other stuff people are talking about.

MistyDawn's partner doesn't know she is on the forum looking for answers to help his ED .. Talking about his ED is not something he is comfortable with at this point, he closes down on the topic(if i have read right) so getting him to do any sort of exercises or supplements is not that easy.. AT this point in time she can only approach it from the side of what can she do to encourage and support him and his penis... I would also like to point out they do have a good sexlife regardless of his ED

 

[Newbert_zero]

Oh guess I need to read more carefully. Maybe he isn't aware that there are things he can do to increase his eq level. So when you bring up his problem he is just getting embarrassed instead of realizing you are trying to help. I can't imagine he would refuse to try it if he knew about it.

 

[TTBB]

No prob newbert i figured you might have not processed all of what you read and that you hadn't seen mistydawns past threads

 

[Pegasus]

Good thread!

 

[vulcan]

Yes, but Misty's boyfriend has obviously gotten over being too embarrassed to try sex, and is openly having an active and wonderful sex life with her. I am immensely impressed!

I am impressed also Batwoman, he obviously loves mistydawn - that is beyond doubt.

But he also needs to address this issue purely for himself - for the reasons Kingpole outlined & also for his own state of mind.

I believe ED profoundly affects a man's psyche, that's why I think mistydawn is right to pursue the matter further.

I'm not suggesting that you are saying she do nothing.

 

[CUSP82]

Misty seems to be doing pretty good doesn't she? She has a nice guy who has all his body parts working except one.They have nice sexual intimacy they just don't have penetration.They must have a good time together going out,laughing and talking, just enjoying each other's company. Maybe the dick thing will come in time. Barring no medical problems that can cause ed as well as more serious issues I would say they're on the right track. A dick can be replaced by fingers, tongues, and loads of different vibrators and toys but you can't replace the man! Give it time Misty and have fun!

 

[cameraobscura]

I'm with you Cusp, well put.

Great job Misty! Way to love!