Sexual influences...

[More]

I recently start having seemingly thoughtless sex with my girlfriend. No set positions or anything just a fluent flow of whatever sexually. It's been great to just do it, no thoughts of my dick or lasting, not even thinking about her thoughts so much. Just basically letting go of all the influences that sex should be and just doing it. This caused me to think that sex nowadays is very heavily influenced not just by the primary blamer, porn. The constructive thoughts of everyone has impacted and told that sex should be this or that. I feel like a lot of the influences are positive and help people reach great heights in sexual pleasure, yet it hinders. It hinders to a point where sex has become routinely mechanical instead of fluent and personal. We have these set goals and and marked achievements to try to get to various heights of pleasure. Something so natural and simple has been over complicated. Sorry if my little ramble is incoherent..lol. So if you understand please add some thoughts of your own. thanks

 

[Pegasus]

Well I think it is an interesting post; in a zenish kind of way.

 

[maelsukr]

I think you've hit on something I've thought about . Our whole existence is being routed towards oughts and shoulds . Sex one of them .
You got it right . People like expressing the sexual parts of them selves . That can be anything mutual .
The experience is what moves human interaction forward .
We really DO like each other !!
mael out !!!

 

[Batwoman]

The best sex is when neither you nor your partner really knows what you are going to do next, and you just move from one thing to another naturally and without much thought.... where one partner leads and then the other (with neither person always in charge) and you move together through various activities totally based on what feels good at the moment. It's the ultimate dance. Emotions and sensations -- and passion -- should be the main thing, not thought per se. That's not to say that you should turn your mind off and just fuck, but rather that you shouldn't be hung up on "ought to" aspects of what you are doing.

It is marvelous to think about sex and imagine various scenarios and how they could play out with your lover..... but too much planning (in the sense of having set goals or an agenda of events) or excessive conscious thinking (e.g., a dialog in your head about your penis, or how long you can last, or if she likes it) is not good because it distracts from your enjoyment.

In a new relationship, sex may take a lot of thought as you learn about each other. "Oh, she likes it when I touch her here!" "Hmmmm..... that angle doesn't work...." "Lord that feels good when she does that" and so on. It's good to file away information about your partner so you can use it to your advantage, to please her/him more in the future, and yourself. But when you get caught up in intellectualizing sex from beginning to end, I think that takes you out of the moment and detracts from the pleasure for both of you.

One of the enormous attractions of having a long-term partner is that you get to know each other's bodies and responses and desires so well that you no longer have to think as much during sex. It is thrilling to KNOW how to please your lover -- and how to do it in a myriad of different ways. Then you can indulge more in the passion and sensations because you automatically adjust your actions to what you know your lover likes. When it's mutual and you are a good match physically and emotionally, it can make for stunningly good sex for both of you.

 

[CUSP82]

What really is better than all that stuff mentioned is this thing called love. I hear sex is part of that at times as well!

 

[Batwoman]

Absolutely right! (For me, love and passion are all wrapped up together, I don't do one without the other).

 

[More]

The best sex is when neither you nor your partner really knows what you are going to do next, and you just move from one thing to another naturally and without much thought.... where one partner leads and then the other (with neither person always in charge) and you move together through various activities totally based on what feels good at the moment. It's the ultimate dance. Emotions and sensations -- and passion -- should be the main thing, not thought per se. That's not to say that you should turn your mind off and just fuck, but rather that you shouldn't be hung up on "ought to" aspects of what you are doing.

It is marvelous to think about sex and imagine various scenarios and how they could play out with your lover..... but too much planning (in the sense of having set goals or an agenda of events) or excessive conscious thinking (e.g., a dialog in your head about your penis, or how long you can last, or if she likes it) is not good because it distracts from your enjoyment.

In a new relationship, sex may take a lot of thought as you learn about each other. "Oh, she likes it when I touch her here!" "Hmmmm..... that angle doesn't work...." "Lord that feels good when she does that" and so on. It's good to file away information about your partner so you can use it to your advantage, to please her/him more in the future, and yourself. But when you get caught up in intellectualizing sex from beginning to end, I think that takes you out of the moment and detracts from the pleasure for both of you.

One of the enormous attractions of having a long-term partner is that you get to know each other's bodies and responses and desires so well that you no longer have to think as much during sex. It is thrilling to KNOW how to please your lover -- and how to do it in a myriad of different ways. Then you can indulge more in the passion and sensations because you automatically adjust your actions to what you know your lover likes. When it's mutual and you are a good match physically and emotionally, it can make for stunningly good sex for both of you.

Well said bw!

 

[VIPER]

Well I think it is an interesting post; in a zenish kind of way.

My thoughts exactly !

What really is better than all that stuff mentioned is this thing called love. I hear sex is part of that at times as well!

Well said CUSP !

 

[MrBigDick]

A couple of days ago, my lady friend sent me this text "do you have any idea the effect you have on me?". Sort of KNOWING what she was going to say, I merely texted her back "tell me".

She said the most beautiful and powerful thing to me. She told me "my heart practically leaps out of my chest everytime I get a text from you. I am always excited when I know you're coming over and being wrapped in your arms makes me want to surrender completely".

NO ONE woman that I've ever dated or been with sexually has every said something to me on that level before. When she and I spend time together and ultimately end up in the bedroom, what's done between she and I is literally done out of love for each other. I truly do love this woman and she me.

I do believe people tend to over complicate sex. Keep it simple for the experience it was meant to be.

 

[More]

A couple of days ago, my lady friend sent me this text "do you have any idea the effect you have on me?". Sort of KNOWING what she was going to say, I merely texted her back "tell me".

She said the most beautiful and powerful thing to me. She told me "my heart practically leaps out of my chest everytime I get a text from you. I am always excited when I know you're coming over and being wrapped in your arms makes me want to surrender completely".

NO ONE woman that I've ever dated or been with sexually has every said something to me on that level before. When she and I spend time together and ultimately end up in the bedroom, what's done between she and I is literally done out of love for each other. I truly do love this woman and she me.

I do believe people tend to over complicate sex. Keep it simple for the experience it was meant to be.

That kind of love is EPIC! I wish you all the very best.

 

[Pirate]

Well I think it is an interesting post; in a zenish kind of way.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Pirate]

Hmmm...
Is it possible to have a long term sexually satisfying relationship without love?

 

[CUSP82]

A very good question ole buckaroo. What would be your answer?

 

[Pirate]

Nay.

 

[CUSP82]

Did you want to expound on that answer or just make horse sounds?

 

[Pirate]

Did you want to expound on that answer or just make horse sounds?

Aye.

 

[GTO]

A couple of days ago, my lady friend sent me this text "do you have any idea the effect you have on me?". Sort of KNOWING what she was going to say, I merely texted her back "tell me".

She said the most beautiful and powerful thing to me. She told me "my heart practically leaps out of my chest everytime I get a text from you. I am always excited when I know you're coming over and being wrapped in your arms makes me want to surrender completely".

NO ONE woman that I've ever dated or been with sexually has every said something to me on that level before. When she and I spend time together and ultimately end up in the bedroom, what's done between she and I is literally done out of love for each other. I truly do love this woman and she me.

I do believe people tend to over complicate sex. Keep it simple for the experience it was meant to be.

I know that feeling EXACTLY! My gf and I are the same way ... our level of connection is downright scary at times. When we first started, things just clicked so well. A bit TOO well. And after two years, it's still the same ...

 

[MrBigDick]

I know that feeling EXACTLY! My gf and I are the same way ... our level of connection is downright scary at times. When we first started, things just clicked so well. A bit TOO well. And after two years, it's still the same ...

It's funny. We were talking about this text just last night in fact. I told her how powerful and moving it was to know precisely how she felt about me (and no, I was not still in my euphoric state after she had just given me a sensational blow job). She told me that after she sent it she thought "oh God, he's not going to respect me anymore because I've revealed too much about myself" so I asked her why she would think that and she told me that because among women, there's this ridiculous little code that you never EVER tell a man how you really feel about him. I guess among women, you just don't do that. So, I told her "look, ignore what other women tell you to do or not to do. Chances are, if they're telling you not to do something, it's because their own relationship is in the toilet and your species has a way of wanting to sabotage your good thing. In the past couple of times we've been together, she's opened up to me in way she never did the first time we dated. She's told me some things that have left me spell bound, like the text above for instance. I've been fighting a cold for a couple of days now. Last night, I was just laying on her couch watching tv and she came over to me, knelt down beside me, took my hand in hers and just put her head on my chest. It was just just pure and sweet affection and love.

She and I have always had this "connection" that I simply can't explain. We broke up for 6 months and are sort of back together. She still refers to me as her "honey bunny" or simply "her man". She knows I'm not dating anyone else and I'm not looking to. She takes care of me and I her.

 

[GTO]

It's funny. We were talking about this text just last night in fact. I told her how powerful and moving it was to know precisely how she felt about me (and no, I was not still in my euphoric state after she had just given me a sensational blow job). She told me that after she sent it she thought "oh God, he's not going to respect me anymore because I've revealed too much about myself" so I asked her why she would think that and she told me that because among women, there's this ridiculous little code that you never EVER tell a man how you really feel about him. I guess among women, you just don't do that. So, I told her "look, ignore what other women tell you to do or not to do. Chances are, if they're telling you not to do something, it's because their own relationship is in the toilet and your species has a way of wanting to sabotage your good thing. In the past couple of times we've been together, she's opened up to me in way she never did the first time we dated. She's told me some things that have left me spell bound, like the text above for instance. I've been fighting a cold for a couple of days now. Last night, I was just laying on her couch watching tv and she came over to me, knelt down beside me, took my hand in hers and just put her head on my chest. It was just just pure and sweet affection and love.

She and I have always had this "connection" that I simply can't explain. We broke up for 6 months and are sort of back together. She still refers to me as her "honey bunny" or simply "her man". She knows I'm not dating anyone else and I'm not looking to. She takes care of me and I her.

Wow - it feels like I've been spied on while reading your posts! We had a similar conversation about 6-7 months ago and she was saying how there are "absolutely no more defense mechanisms" and that she was "totally open and in my hands." Pretty powerful stuff and the truth of the matter is that she has me totally wrapped around her finger. When you find a love like that, that's one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

 

[MrBigDick]

Wow - it feels like I've been spied on while reading your posts! We had a similar conversation about 6-7 months ago and she was saying how there are "absolutely no more defense mechanisms" and that she was "totally open and in my hands." Pretty powerful stuff and the truth of the matter is that she has me totally wrapped around her finger. When you find a love like that, that's one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

I totally agree. Heck, even my own ex wife................the very woman I stood before God himself and vowed to cherish the rest of my life never even said the kinds of things to me that my current lady friend does. It's just amazing. When you find the right one, you just know.