I've ruined my life!

[LifeGivingSword]

Instead I should ask myself if I could ever come to terms with what she's done and try and build on a fresh relationship if it came to it.

I'll cut you a short cut through the prarie of pain, grief and anger: no, you will never come to terms with it. Sure you love her, there's nothing strange about that. I mean, this girl has been the most important person in your life for the past 7 years. You love her. Own it. It's okay.

You say you treated her like crap? Okay, sure, maybe you did. But I think you and I and I go for the same kind of woman. And the woman I'm thinking of would not sleep with another man just because I treated her like crap. I'm also enough of a man to say I'm sorry when I've treated a woman I love like crap, and I'm sure you are too. But does "get treated like crap" = "spread legs for another man"? I hardly think so.

But let's just say you make an effort to get to a place in your mind where you have "come to terms" with her sleeping with another man. Tell me, Andy, when you are kissing her, feeling her breasts, hearing her moans and feeling how wet she is, are you really going to be at terms with the fact that she was that way with another man and enjoying it? You and I both know the answer--it's impossible.

I once tried to be with a girl who had been with another guy before me. Every time I touched her neck she would flinch and move my hand away. I finally asked her what was wrong. And after a long drawn out drama she finally told me that her ex-boyfriend got off by choking her to the brink of passing out while having sex with her. So now, every time I had sex with her I had to make a conscious effort not to put my hands near her neck, and thus I was reminded of all the nasty things she had done with this other guy.

My example is extreme, but the point is, there were will always be traces of her indiscretions. She will never be the same and you will never be the same to her. She has been touched by another man and she is used goods now. The good news is, there are millions and millions of sweet young virgins out there who are waiting for a terrific guy like you to come along and who will devote themselves to you wholeheartedly and never consider sleeping with another man within reason. But, Andy, save these special girls until you have tasted the sweet love nectar of many, many flowers. Remember, that men's value increases as they age, so you need not hurry to find that next sole mate. You are going to be okay man. And when you belive that just a little bit too, get ready to put your face to the wind and embrace the endless possibilities of life coming at you.

 

[JonPop]

LifeGivingSword:

You linked a direct quote from Batwoman when you posted what you did. You meant her and now you are trying to deny this with double talk?
Your little attempt at revenge by giving me an infraction, is pretty lame. If this is all you have in your arsenal, it is as lacking as your dick. I am not going to deal with you anymore. I will let "Battywoman" respond to this. I don't expect to see you around much longer. (jP

 

[LxxP]

Hey Andy, I have somewhat been down the road you and LifeGivingSwords been through. Although I once felt the way LGS feels, I have to tell you something vital. You and your ex girl are human beings. The way LGS is preaching about virgins and how a girl should revolve herself around a man is wrong. Remember, she is a human being. You broke up with her, don't expect her to mope around you even though you're moping (or have been moping) about her. Understand that only you are able to control what's going on in your life while she does the same. Sure sleeping with another man in two weeks is quick and may be painful for you but life goes on. I feel you are a good guy so please, go out and be a good guy.

 

[Pirate]

I think that Battywoman has misunderstood. I didn't say, "Battywoman doesn't belong on this forum". I said that "members like this don't belong on forums like this one." It is just a general and vague statement that could apply to a broad range of members and forums. Apparently, though, you took it to mean that YOU don't belong here. Interesting that you interpreted it that way... speaks volumes.

Andy, apologies for this member making non-related remarks on your thread due to me. This member has been abusive to me in other threads as well and seems to follow me around like an attention deprived child. We shall be expecting a long tirade or terse remarks in rebuttal to this post, but I will not respond in order to make it stop here and not waste any further space of this important thread of yours.

LGS, you are getting in a fight that you cannot win. Some one smart once said "If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."
You are on the path to getting banned. Please stop digging.
Please.

 

[Andy]

Thanks LifeGivingSword and LxxP, once again I appreciate your comments.

I think I should just keep away from her and just go out with friends and have fun for the first time in my life, maybe in a month or so when I'm feeling better and I've moved on a bit I might sleep with someone else, then maybe I won't feel so bad and eat up about her sleeping with someone.

Oh by the way, I suppose it doesnt really matter anymore but she is actually in a relationship with this guy now. 2 months out of a 7 year relationship!

Thanks everyone, you've all helped me so much I can't tell you. Now I know exactly what I need to do —move on! And the words you guys have said will really help.

Thanks again!

 

[Batwoman]

I think that Battywoman has misunderstood. I didn't say, "Battywoman doesn't belong on this forum". I said that "members like this don't belong on forums like this one." It is just a general and vague statement that could apply to a broad range of members and forums. Apparently, though, you took it to mean that YOU don't belong here. Interesting that you interpreted it that way... speaks volumes.

Andy, apologies for this member making non-related remarks on your thread due to me. This member has been abusive to me in other threads as well and seems to follow me around like an attention deprived child. We shall be expecting a long tirade or terse remarks in rebuttal to this post, but I will not respond in order to make it stop here and not waste any further space of this important thread of yours.

Sigh.
LifeGivingSword, you have been helpful to Andy but if anyone is causing trouble here, it is you, not me.
Much as I might like to, I am not going to ban you for being rude -- yet. I have gotten no less than 5 PMs from members urging me to deal harshly with you, but I guess I would rather let the membership voice their opinions on the threads. Even you.
Be warned though -- any more insults to me or anyone else, and you will be banned. Not for your opinions, but for your rudeness. This is a congenial community and we will not let you poison it.

 

[EQKing]

Sigh.
LifeGivingSword, you have been helpful to Andy but if anyone is causing trouble here, it is you, not me.
Much as I might like to, I am not going to ban you for being rude -- yet. I have gotten no less than 5 PMs from members urging me to deal harshly with you, but I guess I would rather let the membership voice their opinions on the threads. Even you.
Be warned though -- any more insults to me or anyone else, and you will be banned. Not for your opinions, but for your rudeness. This is a congenial community and we will not let you poison it.

Well said Batwoman.Rudeness will not be tolerated in PEGym.

 

[MrBigDick]

I think that Battywoman has misunderstood. I didn't say, "Battywoman doesn't belong on this forum". I said that "members like this don't belong on forums like this one." It is just a general and vague statement that could apply to a broad range of members and forums. Apparently, though, you took it to mean that YOU don't belong here. Interesting that you interpreted it that way... speaks volumes.

Andy, apologies for this member making non-related remarks on your thread due to me. This member has been abusive to me in other threads as well and seems to follow me around like an attention deprived child. We shall be expecting a long tirade or terse remarks in rebuttal to this post, but I will not respond in order to make it stop here and not waste any further space of this important thread of yours.

OK jackass, first off, "Battywoman" isn't her name.........it's "Batwoman". Secondly, I've read most of your posts myself and your viewpoints of women are rather prehistoric pal........you carry a club with you to knock her over the head and then drag her by the hair to your cave? Batwoman is abusive to NO ONE in this forum, only those with weak, insecure mindsets view her ability to stand up for herself as "abusive".......you like to play the victim don't ya buddy?

And cut the condescending bullshit too pal.............the only one here who is causing problems is you.

Batwoman, he's all yours.

 

[Batwoman]

Enough, guys. What I really want is for all this to tone down and for LifeGivingSword to come back and participate in the forums in a calm and respectful manner. I totally agree that his views on women and sex are prehistoric, but he is entitled to his opinions. Anyway, we have now totally hijacked poor Andy's thread.... so enough of this.

Andy, we wish you luck!

 

[Pirate]

Thanks LifeGivingSword and LxxP, once again I appreciate your comments.

I think I should just keep away from her and just go out with friends and have fun for the first time in my life, maybe in a month or so when I'm feeling better and I've moved on a bit I might sleep with someone else, then maybe I won't feel so bad and eat up about her sleeping with someone.

Oh by the way, I suppose it doesnt really matter anymore but she is actually in a relationship with this guy now. 2 months out of a 7 year relationship!

Thanks everyone, you've all helped me so much I can't tell you. Now I know exactly what I need to do —move on! And the words you guys have said will really help.

Thanks again!

How are you holding up, Andy?

 

[Andy]

ok so I saw her this evening, just to get answers and things so I could finally get closure. I explained why I did what I did and she explained how she was feeling and why she did what she did. I got very upset. I actually understand things now which is a massive relief. I'll just have to live with the fact that I was a dick (because of all this stuff in my head I hadn't been treating her right for a while) and I've ruined something amazing. She just doesn't want me anymore because I hurt her and she'd always have doubts about me. I guess we all have to make mistakes so we can make sure we know what to do in future.

She told me she still loves me and cares about me and still wants me in her life as friends. I told her that I couldn't ever be in her life at all if she's going to carry on with her new boyfriend of 3 weeks because it hurts too much. Despite this she still wants to stay with him knowing that I'm going to have to forget about her and never see her again, even though he goes away in 1 1/2 months and she'll never see him after that. 7 years of my life forming this amazing connection with her, yet 1 1/2 months of sex with someone means more to her. That really hurt. I've decided that at no point in the future could we work things out because now she's had sex with someone else (a lot from what she's told me) she's just not the same person I'm in love with and who I shared this connection with.

So that's it, the story ends here. It's a very sad end, all the memories we've shared since we were 15. All the things I learnt from her. She's contributed so much to the man I am today and because of that there will always be a special place in my heart for her. But I could never be in her life again, it'd hurt too much.

Thanks again for all your help guys. You've been awesome!

 

[Pirate]

Forever is a long time. Don't worry about forever. Be the best man that you can be today. Do the same thing tomorrow.
You are going to be okay.

 

[Dante311]

just dumped the new girl. way to go me! fml

just dumped the new girl. way to go me! fml

Hey.. im on my phone now on her couch downstairs so this'll be brief until I get to a computer. There is such a.
Thing ap having too much baggage. I'm sick and tired of being a woman's convenience. I tried to let it be natural and work and put effort into it... showing her I care... enough she doesn't want me leaving her house. Well its 5am.. broke up an hour ago. im not hurt.. only been a month but if there is one thing I learned... it is very possible to have too much baggage going into a new relationship. IN this case, it was hers. I tried to tolerate it... I liked her, but sometimes you need to be selfish for yourselves.. for peace of mind.... for your own sanity. At least I have my health... heh. Be well. After this and my past, most recent ex who burned me.. i am done. DOne caring. Done dating. Done abeing

 

[Pirate]

Dante,
All this means is that this girl wasn't a good fit for you. You recognized that and you took action. Perfect! It doesn't mean that you won't find some one ever.
Breath deep and focus on something else for a while so that this can work its way out of you.
Stay in touch, D.

 

[hsarge]

Young fella, life is a series of experiences. I remember when i went in the army, involved in a war nobody seemed to want, An older and wiser individual told me 1: always step off with your left foot; 2: when I look back what will you learn from this. You aren't going to go through life without making mistakes; just learn from them. Also to the 'sword' your use of 'purity' should have nothing to do with sex; some of the kindest, gentlest people i ever met believed in free love and equality of the sexes. They were 'pure' of heart.

 

[Fire_Thief]

Aw man, I had to make an account just for this thread. It has really moved me, guys.

Andy, I am just like you. The same exact thing happened to me... My first girlfriend. We dated for 15 months. I am 19 she is 18. Everything was fine but I wanted more, to see what else is out there. Well, she up and moved to Atlanta when she graduated. That's 3 hours away.

Well I wasn't ready to do long distance, especially at my age. So I broke it off, wanting to be on good terms. Well she doesn't speak to me anymore.

She even got her ass a 22 year old boyfriend and this asshole slept over every night for 10 days. Guess what? His ass broke up with her cause she wouldn't have sex with him... in 10 days. And I stayed with her for 15 months, never taking her virginity because I cared.

So now she looks stupid cause she put that she had a new boyfriend all on facebook. Fail. After all this I just deleted my facebook, I had to get away from the world.

I've been too down on myself. Worst part is she still doesn't speak to me, which enrages me.

Just a sucky situation overall. I figure if I get with a fine girl I will be happy again. We will see.

 

[Andy]

Hey Fire Thief,

You signed up just to reply to my thread? wow thanks man, I'm touched!

Yea I can empathise with your situation. Relationships are hard work, I wonder if I'd ever want another one because they just seem to end in pain. About you wanting to see what else is out there, that was sorta my initial motivation to finish with my ex so I know where you're coming from with that. I can say in my opinion now that I've been through it all and I'm 6 months out the other end that long term relationships when you're young aren't really a great idea. Youth is about learning about life, sex, relationships and all that. Sure I learnt a lot about all that from my gf, but I remained short changed in so many areas as a result.

Just to give anyone who's interested a heads up with where I am now. About 6 months later I'm actually doing good. God, if you read the title of this thread I wrote all those months ago: "I've ruined my life", I've come so far. It's true that time really does heal all wounds. I've not spoken to her in so long but she did email me 2 weeks ago asking if we could meet up and be friends (coincidence now that her new bf is leaving in a few weeks) and I effectively told her to F*ck off (which felt amazing), due to the fact that she couldn't really have loved or cared about me given how she treated me and how she didn't even love me enough to give me another chance and all that.

So now I've actually learnt how to flirt, and I'm not too bad at it! I've kissed 2 girls in the last month or so which has made me feel a lot better about myself. Before now I didn't feel ready to have sex with someone, but I think I might try it now. But seriously living the single life is so much fun. I never go out treat girls like objects and all that but just dancing with a girl, flirting etc. I really have been missing out on so much whilst I've been in a stagnant relationship. I've also learnt loads about who I am, and I really love who I am. And it turns out other people do too. All things I never knew before!

So Fire Thief, my advice to you, as a young lad. You only live once so get out there and experience life and all the amazing things which being in a relationship stopped you from doing, you have all your life to be serious with someone. Never take life too seriously. Never focus on things that make you hurt, always focus on the positives in life and make the most of every single opportunity that you are lucky enough to be on this earth right now to experience!

p.s. I really do have all you guys who replied to this thread to thank for this new outlook on life. Now only did you help me through this, but you made me a much better person as a result of it. I hope that if ever you guys are having a shitty day and you're not feeling to great about yourself, at least you can think that you helped a young man in a little part of England to actually start to live his life.

 

[Knuckle Up]

Damn Andy ur last post sure showed a different person... Im glad ur doing well for urself...

 

[Flanker6]

Just don't be like me and hate women after your relationship. It doesn't sound like you do but my last one was bad and I seriously have cut off any possibility of a relationship if the girl doesn't seem "interested", which by my standards means she isn't doing all the work for my affection.

 

[Johno]

Wow that's a tuffy. Hope the advice here can help u dude