My girl has male friends and i'm cool with it not at first but i said its cool. Anyway she has this thing with being friends with guys she is attracted to and hanging out with them. I know she won't cheat but this sh*t gives me a funny feeling. We are younger i'm 24 shes 19, both love each other but that doesn't settle well with me. So should I make this a big deal or leave it as her torturing herself?
Should I make it a big deal?
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Any other guy in your pace probably would have the same questions, maybe more than this.
So I think this is a fair question for you in this given situation.
What would you get if you are making a Big Deal?
If you are confident about your relationship and your girlfriend you should admit that both of you can have friends of opposite sex.
Maybe you should talk with here about this. Say about your 'funny feeling' and ask here if you should be ok with here friends. Ask for here opinion. Comunicate with your partner. Share your thoughts and encourage here to do the same.
You both want from eachother in this relationship a partner, not a police man, judge or priest.
..a partner.
So I think this is a fair question for you in this given situation.
What would you get if you are making a Big Deal?
If you are confident about your relationship and your girlfriend you should admit that both of you can have friends of opposite sex.
Maybe you should talk with here about this. Say about your 'funny feeling' and ask here if you should be ok with here friends. Ask for here opinion. Comunicate with your partner. Share your thoughts and encourage here to do the same.
You both want from eachother in this relationship a partner, not a police man, judge or priest.
..a partner.
We both are ok with friends of the opposite sex but the way she chooses hers makes me feel weird. She's going for guys she would date and making them friends.
Batwoman I don't know what I feel its just weird, she's told me she would be dating these guys or guy if she wasn't with me. We do love each other as I said she won't cheat. This just feels weird knowing she's around guys she's attracted to and not just in a looks kind of way.
NP97
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Example that may help you a bit:
While I was dating my ex we were down in the city having some fun. We ran into her brother and a few of his friends. One of them offered to buy me drinks at some bar a bit from their house, so I walked off. As we were walking he said "Boy, she is really hot. If it wasn't for her brother I would have tried to hit that a long time ago."
"Okay... nice to know..."
SO when I get back to her I instantly say... "No more hangin' out with him." And I told her why. She laughed and said okay.
Don't let her hang around them, but don't be too forceful of it. Tell her it makes you very uncomfortable. If she says no, then she is obviously not serious about you.
While I was dating my ex we were down in the city having some fun. We ran into her brother and a few of his friends. One of them offered to buy me drinks at some bar a bit from their house, so I walked off. As we were walking he said "Boy, she is really hot. If it wasn't for her brother I would have tried to hit that a long time ago."
"Okay... nice to know..."
SO when I get back to her I instantly say... "No more hangin' out with him." And I told her why. She laughed and said okay.
Don't let her hang around them, but don't be too forceful of it. Tell her it makes you very uncomfortable. If she says no, then she is obviously not serious about you.
vulcan
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That's going to be difficult with my girl because she was hanging out with them before she was with me. Hard to combat that bullshit.
NP97
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Not really. If she cares she will understand. Honestly... telling you that is a good thing. Rather you know than be suspicious. My ex had guy friends before we dated. She stopped hanging out with them (minus her gay friend). I stopped hanging out with my girl friends. Unless we were together. She asked me, I asked her... We agreed for the sake of our relationship and that was that.
well she is 19 she could be trying to play mind games with you. Making you a little jealous she could be hoping that it will make you want to treat her better or show her that she doesn't need other guys. On the other hand if she was friends with these guys before you two were together I don't know if its such a good thing to tell her not to hang out with them but instead to talk about your boundaries. Many times in relationships people don't talk about their boundaries so she might not realize her actions are bothering you.
MrBigDick
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I'll tell you right now bro, you start telling her who she can and cannot hang out with and you'll find yourself single before too long. Be confident in who you are as a man and keep your eyes and options open as well. You're with her now but statistically speaking, you two will not be together forever. I'm not trying to be a downer here but you both are very young and the odds of the two of you being together forever at 19 and 24 years old...........yeah, not likely, especially with her being only 19.
The fact that she likes to befriend good looking guys to hang out with because she would consider dating them if she weren't with you...........well, she's being a typical 19 year old. If she were 39 and acting like that, that would be a completely different story and I'd say she was as shallow as they come but the fact that she's 19, in my view she's acting exactly as any 19 year old girl should.
The fact that she likes to befriend good looking guys to hang out with because she would consider dating them if she weren't with you...........well, she's being a typical 19 year old. If she were 39 and acting like that, that would be a completely different story and I'd say she was as shallow as they come but the fact that she's 19, in my view she's acting exactly as any 19 year old girl should.
I'd let her be herself because most 19 year old girls are still exploring, but letting her know how you feel should not be a problem.
If she doesn't understand where you're coming from, then my 2 cents would be that you're not with the right person (for the long haul at least). I have a younger sister (early 20s) and that reminds me of how she acts with her older boyfriend (who is 30).
You're 24 and should have fun with whomever you're with, so go with your gut, be cool and hopefully everything will work out well in the end. Good luck bro...
If she doesn't understand where you're coming from, then my 2 cents would be that you're not with the right person (for the long haul at least). I have a younger sister (early 20s) and that reminds me of how she acts with her older boyfriend (who is 30).
You're 24 and should have fun with whomever you're with, so go with your gut, be cool and hopefully everything will work out well in the end. Good luck bro...
Her friend or friends will have her bent or legs in the air as soon as you mess up trust and believe. It would behoove you to either tell her that the guy friends are a no go. She gave you two non-truths in the beginning. 1) I'm attracted to them but I won't date them because I'm with you. Yet she goes on dates with them. 2) I'm attracted to them but I won't date them because I'm with you. Yet she knew them before she met/hooked up with you. Next thing you know, the one she spends the most time with she will tell you he's super gay and you don't have to worry about him. smh.
Just a bit of advice from an old head that's been the supposed friend, and one that told my now wife then gf that she had to rid herself of her guy friends as I did the same with my female friends totally. Not just stop hanging out but, all contact. Time for her to find some female friends. The last thing you need/want is her confiding in another man about you. He's/They're in the background waiting for their opening to put it to your girl. jmho
Just a bit of advice from an old head that's been the supposed friend, and one that told my now wife then gf that she had to rid herself of her guy friends as I did the same with my female friends totally. Not just stop hanging out but, all contact. Time for her to find some female friends. The last thing you need/want is her confiding in another man about you. He's/They're in the background waiting for their opening to put it to your girl. jmho
well we guys are jealous by our nature, some more some less but we all have some kind of ownership sense. You have 2 choices. First let her freely hanging with these guys and punish first wrong move, or second,to try to prevent anything bad. In either case you need to draw a borderline which she should better not try to cross. If she's trying to get over your point of patience and toleration then it's game over. It' easier said then done, but when it come to such stuff I must agree with guys like MrBigDick. It' all about the attitude.
THAT'S the deal right there, more. You should just let her be and enjoy the ride with her while it lasts; you are young and so is she. Go and meet yourself some hot female friends and enjoy life, letting the cards fall where they may. At this stage in your lives, you should NOT be sweating this kind of sh*t.
GTO
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More and WMP have the right advice. You are both young and while you think you know what you want, you really have no clue (not yet). Go have some fun and enjoy life while you are still young. Don't worry about her cause she isn't worried about you - go do your thing.
First off, I'm not judging but 24 and 19 is a huge difference in terms of being monogamous. You're kind of approaching the age where you might be looking to settle down or at lease meet the person you want to settle down with. I doubt she is in the same place, honestly.
I also think you're setting yourself up for some big hurting by allowing this. People are people and even with the best intentions, cheating happens when good looking people are in emotional situations. I don't know your girl, but my guess is that in the right situations, emotions could possibly get the best of her especially being that she admitted that she is attracted to these guys.
The bottom line is, people in our world are so afraid of "making big deals" out of things, and end up regretting it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, trust your gut. And tell your girl she needs to make a choice - she shouldn't be hanging out with other guys she's interested in when you're not around anyhow. Its just asking for it.
I wouldn't be a control freak, but I'd be honest and tell your girlfriend you think this is a bad situation and makes you uncomfortable. Maybe she will choose them over you, but wouldn't you rather learn that hard lesson now and not a few years from now? And don't you really want a woman who respects your feelings too.
I think she is saying some weird stuff to you, that I personally, wouldn't put up with.
I also think you're setting yourself up for some big hurting by allowing this. People are people and even with the best intentions, cheating happens when good looking people are in emotional situations. I don't know your girl, but my guess is that in the right situations, emotions could possibly get the best of her especially being that she admitted that she is attracted to these guys.
The bottom line is, people in our world are so afraid of "making big deals" out of things, and end up regretting it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, trust your gut. And tell your girl she needs to make a choice - she shouldn't be hanging out with other guys she's interested in when you're not around anyhow. Its just asking for it.
I wouldn't be a control freak, but I'd be honest and tell your girlfriend you think this is a bad situation and makes you uncomfortable. Maybe she will choose them over you, but wouldn't you rather learn that hard lesson now and not a few years from now? And don't you really want a woman who respects your feelings too.
I think she is saying some weird stuff to you, that I personally, wouldn't put up with.
By the way, I almost totally agree with this...if she were 24/25. But she is 19 and needs friends right now. But I do agree that its only a matter of time and women in serious relationships should be happy with female friends. She doesn't need other guys in the background, she wants them.
So....Let me get this straight. You are dating each other, and you love each other. But yet she told you who she would be dating if she wasn't with you???????? Making statements like those and love just don't match up with my line of thinking. But that's just me.
Sounds to me like she's young and playing mind games and should be kicked to the curb. Just my $.02
