mmh. Interesting post. What you describe there, in short words, is a mentally ill human, who shouldn't even be free on the streets. You talk about "the power of the mind", and on top of that power, the self control does not exist? If it doesn't, then a person like that could even be dangerous for the rest.
I repeat, all those diseases were invented in the last couple decades. Too many dysfunctional people these days. And the clear example cannot be denied. In the old days, if you were a farmer, there were no excuses to cry like a little bitch and not work. No work, no crops, no food. Period. All the rest invented lately are cheap excuses to justify mediocrity, laziness.
The first four words of your post at least give a clear image of your scary psychological profile. Not only for taking a violent uncontrolled dangerous action, but also because there is not even a question mark there. If you really have interest in who I am, I will leave it as a curiosity for you, so you can start a little practice to control "anxiety" that is commonly used as excuse to skip college or justify lack of study. You will think every minute, every day, about who I am. And think again, and think again, and think again, and think again, and think again.............until YOU step up and control it. No drug or doctor will do it for you.
That "pain" you say you have, is a personal invention. Where that pain comes from? who is causing you pain? Have you talk to somebody about your problems and seek advise on how to resolve them? confronting problems and looking for the best solution, IT IS a personal individual task, however, advise from others might be useful. If there is no real cause for that so called "pain" then, what it is? what if you forget about it?