if shes still calling you she still wants you.don't give her the time of day because if shes talking about penis size and thats something thats important to her then that should tell you something, she aint worth a damn !
Got the "Bigger Dick" ex-girlfriend jab
- Thread starter Squid
- Start date
From my experience, many women do or do not care about size, most of the time, they have a goldicocks mentality, not too big, not too small, but anyway, don't let it get to you man, most women use that as a weapon of control, don't play that game, when chicks are really pissed or just damn bloody minded, thats the very first weapon they use in their arsenal. We men have been dealing with the insecurities of our size our whole lives, even if we're in the perfectly average range, and that is more or less the reason why we are all here. We are all bros in this cause. Give it time, and the right woman will come along and appreciate you and your bigger, faster, stronger manhood. Good luck with everything man 
Batwoman
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Damn, what a lousy story. I am so sorry, Squid. You got a lot of good advice here though.
It sounds to me like your ex was furious with you and thought to herself "What can I do to hurt him the most?" Unluckily for you, she knew. Sleeping with your best friend and then telling you about, and saying he is better and bigger -- it was all done for one reason only, to hurt you. And, as the other guys have mentioned, it may not have even happened. She clearly just wanted to get you where it would hurt most. It is a power trip, not even about sex.
My advice: cut yourself off from her completely, you don't need a woman like that. As for your friend, give him a chance to explain. It's not fair to him to just cut him off too, since (A) she may have made the whole thing up, and (B) if it did happen, he may very well have been virtually forced into it by her (if she was bound and determined to have him to hurt you). Anyway, at least have a conversation with him before you decide what to do. Driving a wedge between you and a close friend is just another way she has to hurt you. Don't let it happen unless you are sure that your buddy was complicit. He may be a victim of this girl too, she sounds very manipulative and mean spirited.
It sounds to me like your ex was furious with you and thought to herself "What can I do to hurt him the most?" Unluckily for you, she knew. Sleeping with your best friend and then telling you about, and saying he is better and bigger -- it was all done for one reason only, to hurt you. And, as the other guys have mentioned, it may not have even happened. She clearly just wanted to get you where it would hurt most. It is a power trip, not even about sex.
My advice: cut yourself off from her completely, you don't need a woman like that. As for your friend, give him a chance to explain. It's not fair to him to just cut him off too, since (A) she may have made the whole thing up, and (B) if it did happen, he may very well have been virtually forced into it by her (if she was bound and determined to have him to hurt you). Anyway, at least have a conversation with him before you decide what to do. Driving a wedge between you and a close friend is just another way she has to hurt you. Don't let it happen unless you are sure that your buddy was complicit. He may be a victim of this girl too, she sounds very manipulative and mean spirited.
vulcan
Retired Moderator, PE Gym Editor, PEGym Hero
Also - hold on to the reality of where your stats put you percentile wise.
Then push on to 8x6
& forget about that poisenous woman
Then push on to 8x6
& forget about that poisenous woman
I'm with Batwoman on this, you need to let him explain himself. It would also be one of the best shows of confidence towards her, if temporarily you are cool with him as if nothing happened. I know that part shouldn't really matter since I wouldn't think it's a good idea to hook back up with her or keep fueling her anger towards you, but confidence sure helps in the getting over phase of a relationship. It might even rub some maturity off on her, and we all know some of that wouldn't hurt her. If anything, try and give your friendship another chance if you don't see any faults with what happened from his perspective, and hopefully create a bond no girl can break.
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Hey guys,
Just got on here after a week of retracting from most normal things in my life. I really appreciate the input and advice. REALLY. It has been difficult. This girl has been a friend for over ten years and a girlfriend for a year or so and never did I see any of this intense retribution. I admit, my behavior in the relationship was at times inexcusable, but I also immediately set out to correct it as well as work my tail off in the relationship. I know that I hurt her and made her scared but never in any of my actions have they been hostile or even apathetic. But the amount of anger and cruelty I have watched from her has really shaken me up. Unfortunately my love for this girl is so strong it is taking everything I have to let go even after this triple combo of relationship no-nos.
As for my friend, I did give him a chance to explain. I was actually very level headed about it. But the two of them seem to be on the same band wagon now. His last email to me saying any woman that would want to be with me is a "pea brain" and that I would replace my girlfriend in a second while he will treasure her and her "heart of gold".
Of course he "cc'd" her on the email. I know it was as much for her as it was for me. He has made sure to let his disdain for me now be known with no remorse for the action. I think I am ready to call it quits on that decade long friendship now.
The girl is harder to let go of as we were talking marriage and kids this year, but I realize that this kind of rage and impulse may have come up again down the line maybe even after marriage where it could have been a much more devastating time.
Anyway, for those interested, here is a link to the phone call. No full names are mentioned so I think privacy survives. But be prepped for a few swear words
https://www.pegym.com/forums/[URL=h...28491902be5b0e/]CCall4-18-10_1-2.aif - 6.41MBCCall4-18-10_1-2.aif - 6.41MB
Just got on here after a week of retracting from most normal things in my life. I really appreciate the input and advice. REALLY. It has been difficult. This girl has been a friend for over ten years and a girlfriend for a year or so and never did I see any of this intense retribution. I admit, my behavior in the relationship was at times inexcusable, but I also immediately set out to correct it as well as work my tail off in the relationship. I know that I hurt her and made her scared but never in any of my actions have they been hostile or even apathetic. But the amount of anger and cruelty I have watched from her has really shaken me up. Unfortunately my love for this girl is so strong it is taking everything I have to let go even after this triple combo of relationship no-nos.
As for my friend, I did give him a chance to explain. I was actually very level headed about it. But the two of them seem to be on the same band wagon now. His last email to me saying any woman that would want to be with me is a "pea brain" and that I would replace my girlfriend in a second while he will treasure her and her "heart of gold".
Of course he "cc'd" her on the email. I know it was as much for her as it was for me. He has made sure to let his disdain for me now be known with no remorse for the action. I think I am ready to call it quits on that decade long friendship now.
The girl is harder to let go of as we were talking marriage and kids this year, but I realize that this kind of rage and impulse may have come up again down the line maybe even after marriage where it could have been a much more devastating time.
Anyway, for those interested, here is a link to the phone call. No full names are mentioned so I think privacy survives. But be prepped for a few swear words
https://www.pegym.com/forums/[URL=h...28491902be5b0e/]CCall4-18-10_1-2.aif - 6.41MBCCall4-18-10_1-2.aif - 6.41MB
Thanks again guys (and gals). I do appreciate it. I tried to post here last night but may have goofed since it didn't show up. I have been struggling a lot with this, even getting into SLAA meetings (sex love addicts anonymous) just to try and break any unhealthy ties to the girl.
I was mainly pointing out the "friend" had never really made an effort to explain himself other than "I was comforting a poor girl that you hurt". And then he would continue in his email to criticize me and any "pea brained" female who stays with me. So, for my own health, that decade long relationship is happily over.
I have uploaded the sound file and thought I would post it here. No real names are mentioned so the privacy is there but gives you an idea of the power of the "penis size" comment when in the right mouth.
CCall4-18-10_1-2.aif]zSHARE - CCall4-18-10_1-2.aif
I was mainly pointing out the "friend" had never really made an effort to explain himself other than "I was comforting a poor girl that you hurt". And then he would continue in his email to criticize me and any "pea brained" female who stays with me. So, for my own health, that decade long relationship is happily over.
I have uploaded the sound file and thought I would post it here. No real names are mentioned so the privacy is there but gives you an idea of the power of the "penis size" comment when in the right mouth.
CCall4-18-10_1-2.aif]zSHARE - CCall4-18-10_1-2.aif
kingpole
Retired Moderator, PEGym Hero
Wow that is rough Squid, well your free again, so aftter much wound licking you can get a new squeeze.
I just listened to the sound file and, I'm completely appalled. However, I think she's full of crap. Sounds to me like she was searching for stuff to say to you.
Hey Squid, I've been lurking here for a few weeks now and read this thread. I feel so compelled to post that I'm going to make this my first post. These two people sound extremely poisonous. I've just gone through a breakup, and I found that the best solution was to break off all contact for at least a few months until you're over her. I'm so sorry for the awful situation you had to go through. The best advice I can give to you is: do not have ANY contact with her, no emails, texts, calls, facebook (delete her from your friends), or anything of that nature, for a MINIMUM of six months. And for her, with how she acted, I would never speak to her again. But at least six months dude. Don't give her the satisfaction of a returned text, or knowing that you'll pick up the phone and listen to her insult you. She obviously still has feelings for you, or she wouldn't be calling. Don't give her the satisfaction. As for the friend, I would never speak to him again either. You probably already knew this stuff, but just in case you didn't. I hope it works out for you in the end buddy.
Oz
Oz
Squid I'm really sorry to hear this brother! You well know it by now but that fucked up comment that she was compelled to add in her message was obviously just the easiest thing to go for. I HIGHLY doubt that dude is even any bigger than you are, she's obviously hurting but women get SO out of hand like 90% of the time when they're hurt like that.
I'm glad that you're getting some help with all of this, with the meetings and stuff like that, and am also very glad to hear that you're the one taking the high road here. You well know by now that the graetest thing about this place is the support network of all the great guys here. If you need anymore help or just to vent don't be afraid to give a shout!
I'm glad that you're getting some help with all of this, with the meetings and stuff like that, and am also very glad to hear that you're the one taking the high road here. You well know by now that the graetest thing about this place is the support network of all the great guys here. If you need anymore help or just to vent don't be afraid to give a shout!
Dude hang in there man! That definitely sounds like a rough patch. It seemed like she was actively trying to hurt you. If the guy didn't try to explain himself, I wouldn't say it fuck it yet. But the ball (to amend this strained friendship) is in his court. If he has to say something to explain himself, then maybe you want to lend a hopeful ear.
Stay Strong!
Stay Strong!
Hey Oz, Cleave, NS, etc.
I thank you guys so much for the support. I actually mean it as I have read all of these several times since I actually think I need to hear it. I have posted in the past references about my girlfriend. We had an amazing relationship for a time, though I admit I wasnt ready for it in many ways. We have known each other almost 15 years, through various marriages and lovers and on at least 4 or 5 different occasions I would try and hook up with her, and she would quickly change her mind. So I had a very strong built in "she's not staying with me" message that had overwritten my moral compass. But, we managed to get past it (or so it seemed) with my diving head first into therapy, coda and SLAA meetings.
Today I realized their coming together was a work in progress as they had been communicating a fair amount via email over the last couple months. I know the seemingly harmless flirting got the ball rolling as for her to tell me she went to his house that night because she had "no where else to go" after months of explaining her giant "network of friends" in LA didn't add up. The knowledge of that gives me some relief in a strange way as I was feeling her anger at me that one night is what "drove" her to him. Ie; my fault.
Oz, thanks for chiming in. It means a lot. You are right about the contact. I know I need to keep away and rid myself of these "how can we work it out" thoughts. At the very least, until I can hear any sort of real apology (and even then I know the consensus is to stay the he'll away). But if there is none, than I just have to assume that she, or they, feel their actions were perfectly fine. And that, though flying in the face of how I thought she was, is not a good mindset. she did leave her ex husband for a friend (though they were already swapping with this couple) and I know she has had a fairly cheating past, but both of us felt that was the past. Both of our pasts actually. I have always been more apt to excuse away behavior of someone I love to keep it working so that is why I am hitting the meetings so I can discover where that gets me in trouble. She has not tried calling me yet but she did call my other girlfriend to say she thinks I have hacked into her email and facebook and wants to make sure that she didn't get any "strange" emails from her. It sounds like either she wants to try and sabotage another relationship with me or catch up on what I'm doing. Or, maybe she really thinks I have hacked into her site (in full disclosure, I did a long time ago "fake" an email to her in the height of my covering my tracks phase but it seems it is just a stretch if something past to make things worse now).
I am doing it day by day, focusing on this scary part of her personality to help me keep some balance to my view of her, and hoping to have that resolve soon that just says "no way will I put up with that crap". I'm just fighting the "lover" in me that misses the lover in her.
Thanks again guys/gals as this does help me stay motivated. I realize I need it. I actually have not even picked up PE since it happened, almost two weeks. I'll get there again soon I hope.
I thank you guys so much for the support. I actually mean it as I have read all of these several times since I actually think I need to hear it. I have posted in the past references about my girlfriend. We had an amazing relationship for a time, though I admit I wasnt ready for it in many ways. We have known each other almost 15 years, through various marriages and lovers and on at least 4 or 5 different occasions I would try and hook up with her, and she would quickly change her mind. So I had a very strong built in "she's not staying with me" message that had overwritten my moral compass. But, we managed to get past it (or so it seemed) with my diving head first into therapy, coda and SLAA meetings.
Today I realized their coming together was a work in progress as they had been communicating a fair amount via email over the last couple months. I know the seemingly harmless flirting got the ball rolling as for her to tell me she went to his house that night because she had "no where else to go" after months of explaining her giant "network of friends" in LA didn't add up. The knowledge of that gives me some relief in a strange way as I was feeling her anger at me that one night is what "drove" her to him. Ie; my fault.
Oz, thanks for chiming in. It means a lot. You are right about the contact. I know I need to keep away and rid myself of these "how can we work it out" thoughts. At the very least, until I can hear any sort of real apology (and even then I know the consensus is to stay the he'll away). But if there is none, than I just have to assume that she, or they, feel their actions were perfectly fine. And that, though flying in the face of how I thought she was, is not a good mindset. she did leave her ex husband for a friend (though they were already swapping with this couple) and I know she has had a fairly cheating past, but both of us felt that was the past. Both of our pasts actually. I have always been more apt to excuse away behavior of someone I love to keep it working so that is why I am hitting the meetings so I can discover where that gets me in trouble. She has not tried calling me yet but she did call my other girlfriend to say she thinks I have hacked into her email and facebook and wants to make sure that she didn't get any "strange" emails from her. It sounds like either she wants to try and sabotage another relationship with me or catch up on what I'm doing. Or, maybe she really thinks I have hacked into her site (in full disclosure, I did a long time ago "fake" an email to her in the height of my covering my tracks phase but it seems it is just a stretch if something past to make things worse now).
I am doing it day by day, focusing on this scary part of her personality to help me keep some balance to my view of her, and hoping to have that resolve soon that just says "no way will I put up with that crap". I'm just fighting the "lover" in me that misses the lover in her.
Thanks again guys/gals as this does help me stay motivated. I realize I need it. I actually have not even picked up PE since it happened, almost two weeks. I'll get there again soon I hope.
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Squid,
Brother. Hang on. The more I read about what's going on the more I get the idea that there is probably a lot that went on below the under-currents than is disclosed to the readers like us. If she was planning her get away with you friend for a few months, then It really does suck dude, but when you're beat, you're beat. I get that whatever is going on, she has been planning for months with a sense of vengence. It doesn't seem like she wanted to just escape the situation you guys were in, but wanted to teach you a harsh lesson.
Of course, it is not in my place to pry into what went on between the two (well, three) of you, but I sense that she felt wronged; not that I say it is your fault, it very well could be her's. But she must have been hurt enough to not just break up but go above and beyond to cause pain. One thing to note is that its not in other's to give us happiness or take it away (Yeah, this is idealistic in some ways, but a very practical goal to reach), and how we respond to a situation dictactes how we feel about the other party involved. If she felt wronged, it could very well be that she was overly emotional or sensitive and even the slightest trigger points could push the buttons to alarm in Def Con 1.
At any rate my friend, I hope therapy works out for you. It never really did work out for me the same way, partially because I always felt like my counselors were putting up a pretentious facade of bieng caring and understanding. What did work out for me was just time alone,soul searching, and changing the parts of me that I thought were degrading me. I used to be the proveriabledoormat who would let his gf walk all over himself. Now, not so much. I am still a nice guy, but a lot more independant and interesting.
Stay Strong!
Brother. Hang on. The more I read about what's going on the more I get the idea that there is probably a lot that went on below the under-currents than is disclosed to the readers like us. If she was planning her get away with you friend for a few months, then It really does suck dude, but when you're beat, you're beat. I get that whatever is going on, she has been planning for months with a sense of vengence. It doesn't seem like she wanted to just escape the situation you guys were in, but wanted to teach you a harsh lesson.
Of course, it is not in my place to pry into what went on between the two (well, three) of you, but I sense that she felt wronged; not that I say it is your fault, it very well could be her's. But she must have been hurt enough to not just break up but go above and beyond to cause pain. One thing to note is that its not in other's to give us happiness or take it away (Yeah, this is idealistic in some ways, but a very practical goal to reach), and how we respond to a situation dictactes how we feel about the other party involved. If she felt wronged, it could very well be that she was overly emotional or sensitive and even the slightest trigger points could push the buttons to alarm in Def Con 1.
At any rate my friend, I hope therapy works out for you. It never really did work out for me the same way, partially because I always felt like my counselors were putting up a pretentious facade of bieng caring and understanding. What did work out for me was just time alone,soul searching, and changing the parts of me that I thought were degrading me. I used to be the proveriabledoormat who would let his gf walk all over himself. Now, not so much. I am still a nice guy, but a lot more independant and interesting.
Stay Strong!
NSF, you nailed it my friend. She did feel wronged and hurt. I think she placed a HUGE amount of hope in me to change her life into a better one and on the surface we did have an ideal relationship. I would never miss a beat. Flowers all the time, gifts, surprise road trips, great, great sex, loving words, etc. Was nit stagnant at all. I was being very selfish and ultimately hurt get a lot. We decided to push past it but she was walking a thin line that I understand. But when she felt wronged again, she exploded. And it's not that I didn't even understand that (even though it was far from the right way to do it) but she kept it up. No apologies a week later even if it was followed with "I never want to see you again". Had she had done what I had, hurt me, regret it and want to work it out, I would have been there for sure. But I feel when one goes to extremes TO HURT someone rather than doing something bad that hurts them as a result, it says a lot. And I'm not judging her, just saying if someone works that hard to hurt someone else it doesn't seem like a good person to be with.
I love her like crazy and would never wish her harm or hurt so I am now just struggling with rectifying a person that "loves" me with one who badly wants to hurt that same person. I don't know how long I'll stay with therapy, but is giving me avplace to figure some stuff out anyway.
I love her like crazy and would never wish her harm or hurt so I am now just struggling with rectifying a person that "loves" me with one who badly wants to hurt that same person. I don't know how long I'll stay with therapy, but is giving me avplace to figure some stuff out anyway.
NP97
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It's a tough one. Wanting her to be happy because you lover her so, yet also wanting her to regret this and be miserable forever. It messes with your head.
Hi NP,
Well, I do want her to be happy but not sure about the miserable part. I hoped she would find some part of her that can admit her actions were well over the top and find some sense of regret or remorse considering her anger at me was over something she was doing at the same time. But if not, it will also help keep me on track in moving on I suppose. But you are right, in that the place I am in now feels like two people in one body. The guy saying "dump the crazy chick" and the other saying "you know you were meant for each other". As long as I am not acting on the impulses I suppose I will be okay.
Loving someone so much and discovering these "hidden" sides can really knock the wind out of you.
Well, I do want her to be happy but not sure about the miserable part. I hoped she would find some part of her that can admit her actions were well over the top and find some sense of regret or remorse considering her anger at me was over something she was doing at the same time. But if not, it will also help keep me on track in moving on I suppose. But you are right, in that the place I am in now feels like two people in one body. The guy saying "dump the crazy chick" and the other saying "you know you were meant for each other". As long as I am not acting on the impulses I suppose I will be okay.
Loving someone so much and discovering these "hidden" sides can really knock the wind out of you.
Batwoman
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Hurts like this take a long time to heal. Just try to relax, and don't beat yourself up over the fact that sometimes you feel one way about her, other times another way. That's natural, it's part of how your psyche acts to protect itself and heal. If you have time on your hands, don't dwell on what you did wrong or right -- just focus on the future. Do things to better yourself: exercise, PE, read, etc. Things that will help you rebuild the parts of your pride that were damaged. Indulge yourself a bit, not in negative things but in positive ones. Take a quick indulgent trip you've always wanted, get a massage, go to a fine restaurant, or whatever else might give you pleasure, and enjoy it. A bit of pampering can feel good at a time like this. I know it feels impossible to believe, but time will make everything easier.
Thanks Bat. I am sure that old adage is true as worn out as it may be. I think we tend to forget we have probably all gone through this in the past a couple times and managed to move ahead. I think I am going through a little rougher patch as the swing is so extreme (as opposed to "I love you but we must say goodbye", etc.) and the "best friend" gets thrown into the package. But, I think I am at least having a less stressful day today and hope to keep it that way. If any luck I'll shake the bad PE comments from her and start up again tomorrow.
Funny how just her making fun of it makes one not want to do it. :-/
Funny how just her making fun of it makes one not want to do it. :-/
