A gentleman's way to make the first move?

[Dante311]

Hey guys -

it's been some time since I've posted... So I'm slowly getting back to my old self since being burned...

Anyhow an attractive girl who my buddy likes has befriended me, but her and me aren't "hanging out" like she does with her friends... but she does invite me out on the weekends to hang out with her... go to parties... but I feel like I've already friended myself because I feel like I'd be back stabbing my buddy (even though he's dumb enough to put himself so far in the friendzone thinking more will come of it).... and to make any sort of move will burn EVERY bridge I have with my buddy... it'll hurt him so much (you have to know him).

but sometimes I gather she wants to fool around with me (by inviting me out on weekend nights) b/c we definitely don't hang out as friends...

anyways... every girl I've been with.. slept with... made the first move on me. Heh. pathetic, but hey...

How do you make advances... first move?

thanks!

 

[NP97]

I suck at first moves, but flirting always helps.

Anyway, if you're worried about your buddy you should talk to him about it.

 

[tahksis]

Invite her over and start drinking. Things will work themselves out.

Dealing with the crushed ego of your friend, thats another story. Maybe have a threesome with him and her so he feels included?

 

[MrBigDick]

My first piece of advice, DO NOT stab your friend in the back over a girl, I don't care how horny she is. A topic very similar to this was just discussed regarding two brothers. "Bros before ho's"..........period. Women come and go but your buddy's are your buddy's man............you don't ever screw with your friendships.

As for making a move on a chick, the best and easiest way is to simply flirt a little, test the waters and if she's receptive, go from there. You'll know when she's diggin' you because women have this way with body language and suggestive conversation that they use to let you know they're interested. Take my current gf for instance. I'm going to Boston in October...........I've always wanted to go and it's my 40th this year so I'm treating myself to a trip. I told my lady that I was going and she was just all excited and sh*t because she loves to travel. So, she tells me that I need to go with someone (at the time of the initial conversation, I hadn't yet booked my trip). So, I told her I didn't know anyone that wanted to go with me. She just flat out said "fine, I'll go with you". There ya have it. If I had no clue prior to then that she had a thing for me, I certainly did now. A woman just doesn't invite herself on your trip with you unless she's seriously interested in you. And, at the time she invited herself, I really don't know her all that well. I mean, I knew her as a casual acquaintance at my job, but that was it. I do know her alot better now after a few blow jobs and having sex with her, we're alot more familiar with one another.

My point here is that if a girl likes you, making a move really isn't all that difficult. You can sense when a girl is into you and she's turned off. Ask her to the movies, ask her to have dinner with you............sh*t, ask her to have coffee with you at Starbucks or whatever. Point is, making a move isn't rocket science.

 

[tahksis]

My first piece of advice, DO NOT stab your friend in the back over a girl, I don't care how horny she is. A topic very similar to this was just discussed regarding two brothers. "Bros before ho's"..........period. Women come and go but your buddy's are your buddy's man............you don't ever screw with your friendships.

I agree that if there was ANYTHING between a friend and a girl that she becomes off limits or at least you gotta approach the friend first, but this is not one of those situations.

Didnt he say his friend liked the girl but he was putting himself in the friend zone? Doesnt what she wants matter?

If his friend really liked her but he was not making the moves, then how is he stabbing his friend in the back? If the girl likes him and does not like the other friend that way, then why wouldnt the other friend be happy that he is getting laid?

I know its a sensitive situation, but if the feelings are not mutual, meaning the girl isnt into the other friend, then thats not backstabbing imo. And your other friend would be kind of selfish if he would rather neither of you get laid instead of just you.

If i was into a chick, and we had never fooled around, and she wasnt into me. I would do whatever I could to help one of my friends fuck her.

Did I mention the threesome idea? That really works for this situation and keeps the bros before hos mantra going strong plus years down the road if you guys are still buds, you can say. "hey remember when we doubled teamed that one slut? good times"

 

[MrBigDick]

I agree that if there was ANYTHING between a friend and a girl that she becomes off limits or at least you gotta approach the friend first, but this is not one of those situations.

Didnt he say his friend liked the girl but he was putting himself in the friend zone? Doesnt what she wants matter?

If his friend really liked her but he was not making the moves, then how is he stabbing his friend in the back? If the girl likes him and does not like the other friend that way, then why wouldnt the other friend be happy that he is getting laid?

I know its a sensitive situation, but if the feelings are not mutual, meaning the girl isnt into the other friend, then thats not backstabbing imo. And your other friend would be kind of selfish if he would rather neither of you get laid instead of just you.

If i was into a chick, and we had never fooled around, and she wasnt into me. I would do whatever I could to help one of my friends fuck her.

Did I mention the threesome idea? That really works for this situation and keeps the bros before hos mantra going strong plus years down the road if you guys are still buds, you can say. "hey remember when we doubled teamed that one slut? good times"

According to Dante, he stated his buddy liked this chick but was putting himself in the "friend zone" and I presume this means because his buddy isn't taking the initiative in asking this chick out. Yes, what she wants does absolutely matter BUT, when you know your buddy already likes this chick, whether he's putting himself in the "friend zone" or not, that's a signal for you to back off. At the very least, you can try talking to your buddy and telling him "hey look man, I know you like this chick and all but you're not making your move and she's been coming onto me and I'm starting to like her also, so what's up? You going to make a move or what?" This may or may not work BUT you've at least told your friend what he needs to do if he wants her. And it could also simply be that she's just not interested in him in that way and if that's the case, then fine, go for it. But discuss first BEFORE you make a move on the girl.

 

[Mars81]

I would say the exact same thing as Mr.BigDick but without saying the she's been coming on to me part. I would have a talk with him and ask him when he's going to make his move, and then throw in "if you don't make a move, then I will" and see what he does and says. If you do value your friendship with this guy then either back off or have a talk with him. Also, yeah they say bro's before hoes but if she is a keeper, don't be too quick to miss an opportunity that might lead to something very serious in your life. Follow your heart man.

 

[tahksis]

According to Dante, he stated his buddy liked this chick but was putting himself in the "friend zone" and I presume this means because his buddy isn't taking the initiative in asking this chick out. Yes, what she wants does absolutely matter BUT, when you know your buddy already likes this chick, whether he's putting himself in the "friend zone" or not, that's a signal for you to back off. At the very least, you can try talking to your buddy and telling him "hey look man, I know you like this chick and all but you're not making your move and she's been coming onto me and I'm starting to like her also, so what's up? You going to make a move or what?" This may or may not work BUT you've at least told your friend what he needs to do if he wants her. And it could also simply be that she's just not interested in him in that way and if that's the case, then fine, go for it. But discuss first BEFORE you make a move on the girl.

Yeah, talking with the friend first is straight. I was assuming the friend was not making a move by how he put it.

 

[iKzX]

dude its SIMPLE, if your bud likes a girl then dont go for her, its as easy as that. Theres literally millions of other girls out there dont just cling to the first one that shows you attention.

Sorry for being a bit out there and a grumpy b*****d but look at it this way you could hook up eith this girl just once and then she could be done with you but you may lose your friend for good.

 

[MrBigDick]

I would say the exact same thing as Mr.BigDick but without saying the she's been coming on to me part. I would have a talk with him and ask him when he's going to make his move, and then throw in "if you don't make a move, then I will" and see what he does and says. If you do value your friendship with this guy then either back off or have a talk with him. Also, yeah they say bro's before hoes but if she is a keeper, don't be too quick to miss an opportunity that might lead to something very serious in your life. Follow your heart man.

I agree about not missing an opportunity and I also think that if friend A tells friend B that this chick he likes has been coming onto him, that might be what friend A needs to get his ass in gear and make his move. I would also say that under this scenario, friend A would have an obligation to his friend that likes this chick to NOT feed into her advances. Rather, tell friend B what's going on, that you DID NOT return the advance and go from there.

OK, Dante, you've been given some advice. Your turn.

 

[Dante311]

Before being a gentleman, you need to be a man. Make her feel safe. Make her laugh. Hug her tight. Find a nice place/park/whatever, have a moment a silence and go: "you know... I always wanted to do something". She'll say "what?" and go for a long, passionate kiss. At least, that's what I would do.

Smooth!

Anyhow - appreciate all the advice... but I realized last night this;

I could've had the girl. 2-3 weeks ago when she began expressing interest in me. She wasn't hanging out with me like he did with her friends (and my buddy)... it got back to me through a "friend" of hers (crazy girl) that the girl was not into my buddy.. not even close. A look of "gross" came over her face. Heh.

Another female friend of mine who has been befriended by the girl I believe wanted me thinks along the same lines as me... I could've had the girl 2-3 weeks ago. However....

I was being a good buddy. Knowing my bud wanted her (even though I knew it was a long shot)... I FRIENDED myself (ie, rejecting her) to be friends so he can make a move. He still friended himself... regardless of ALL the advice he had been given by me.. and others. I flirted with her, with him present setting him up for her... he STILL friended himself.

Now... when I started bringing it up with her... I think she feels rejected by me. that now she is internally denying any sexual attraction to me (because the attraction was 2-3 weeks ago)... not now. I believe she was / is on the rebound... and she didn't find it with me (because I was being a GOOD BRO)... she's seeking it elsewhere and only wants a friendship with me now...

if at that. Apparently yesterday she was speaking with a good friend of mine... and when asked about who of her friends would call her back right away if she needed anything, I was a... "He would, but why would I call him in the first place?"

............

really? WTF.

so yeah... I believe, but could be wrong... that b/c she feels rejected by me... she's denying anything more or any potential for anything. ie, I cock blocked myself.

Yes. Game over.

Thanks for the advice!

Women are seriously... CRAZY.

 

[Mars81]

Ouch! Sounds like you did cock block yourself! Well maybe you can turn that negative into a positive by making it seem like you were playing hard to get but not anymore because she proved worthy. I don't know just a thought

 

[MrBigDick]

And on that same note Dante, you say she was on the rebound and you cock blocked yourself and now only wants to be friends. The key word to me here is "rebound". Given your troubles in the past, would it be wise to go with someone who was only looking for a "rebound" relationship? Think about it buddy......

 

[Dante311]

And on that same note Dante, you say she was on the rebound and you cock blocked yourself and now only wants to be friends. The key word to me here is "rebound". Given your troubles in the past, would it be wise to go with someone who was only looking for a "rebound" relationship? Think about it buddy......

I know, I know. That's why I'm not distraught over it. I burned the friendship last night. Girl has a lot of issues. I got along previously WITHOUT her. I'm sure I can go along without her now.

 

[Guillotine01a]

Just watch James Bond and you'll learn enough about gentlemen ways ahaha

 

[Guillotine01a]

And on that same note Dante, you say she was on the rebound and you cock blocked yourself and now only wants to be friends. The key word to me here is "rebound". Given your troubles in the past, would it be wise to go with someone who was only looking for a "rebound" relationship? Think about it buddy......

BigDick over here is right. I just got out of a relationship and got this one broad as a rebound. Now she blows up my phone and tries to meet up constantly. Gonna have to her the pink slip today.

 

[millia]

Well, my best move has always been flirting with them to the point they can't stand it and start giving me the looks, then if they don't make the first move, I just do the good ol' grab and kiss.
Or just make sexually suggestive comments and see what she says and go from there.

 

[king87]

I think different culture will affect the girls' reactions.

There are many girls out there but only one of that buddy of yours.

The worse type of girls are those that get close to you, and drift away from you, and comes back for more. That's crazy. I've always thought about it in my heart, they need a tight slap to wake up lol.

 

[DRXXXTASY]

You cock blocked yourself indeed. The fact that she came on to you was the sign that she liked you in a different way than she did your buddy. After a club night together you should've been at her place or yours having her sky walking.