Guy I know committed final act, feel I could have helped him more :/

[jetsetter439]

I wasn't really friends with this person, but I knew him decently well. I met him through a friend several years ago. We didn't really hang out much but I saw him a few months ago with my friend who originally knew him. This dude was kinda crazy, but nevertheless I would talk to him on occasion over the internet.. was friends with him on facebook, etc. But not close by any means. Still, the other day he left a suicide note on facebook. I proceeded to text him and ask if everything was okay, at which point he seemed pretty determined to do it. I tried to get him to think logically, but all I rec'd back were short vague answers about how he's lost everything etc (including his apartment, somehow). My one friend as mentioned above who originally knew him tried to text but did not receive anything back. i'm pretty sure this person did go through with the suicide since he hasnt responded to a few texts ive sent him since the other day. But i keep thinking, if only i had CALLED him and tried to reach out further instead of just texting, then MAYBE i could have been successful in 'saving' him.. I just feel like the efforts i made have failed me, and i probably could have done more. it's kind of bumming me out. I feel like I had a moral obligation to do everything in my power to save this person, even if he was merely an acquantance. But the fact that he was not a close friend prevented me from 'going all out'. Sorry guys, just had to vent about this. Anyone else ever experience something similar?

 

[Going411x7]

Many times during my lifetime. I've always been there for close friends who were depressed and thinking of suicide. But much too often people decide on the ultimate course of action without giving others the chance to reach out to help them. This is so tough because the survivors, even casual acquaintances, often feel guilty and regret not doing more to help. I don't know if this is of any help, but if a person has really made up his or her mind to end it all, (most people will respond to an intervention but could very well try it again at a later date), there is not much anyone can do about it, other than get the person hospitalized, which is tough to accomplish nowadays.

Are you sure your friend actually went through with it? Some people threaten regularly to kill themselves. I have never taken such a threat lightly. You just never know. I hope you can somehow contact this person and see if he has passed through this dark place, or if he has actually done away with himself. It might relieve your own anxiety and feeling of helplessness about the situation.

 

[Pegasus]

The first thing you need to do is find out what happened to him.
You should also contact the relevant authority saying this guy is sucidal.
Because he has not replied doesn't mean he has done it.

 

[Pegasus]

Good post going4.

 

[MrBig]

Thats tragic. But the fact is that many many thousands commit suicide every year. Its a human thing.

This is what you need to do. Make sure that you do not associate any of the bad emotions or feelings with yourself. THis will only hurt you. Try to learn from the experience, so that you can come out stronger. This is the only way for you to go, any other way would cause yourself harm and be useless.

You have to have the strength that your friend didnt. You have to believe in the goodness of life. Maybe from now you can make a commitment to always help. And now in the future you will probably save many lives.

 

[jetsetter439]

Yeah, I guess I can't say with absolute certainty that he did it, but in knowing this person's past trials and tribulations it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he went through with it. During the texts we exchanged, he claimed to have been a 'man of his word' and that i should 'check the papers'. Serious stuff.

I guess my question is, did I have a moral obligation to go to extremes to 'save' someone whom I was just casual acquantances with? I mean, yeah, even though he wasn't my best friend, should I have contacted any and all authorities I could think of? Should I have called HIM and pleaded with him? Is there a line here? I really wasnt friends with this dude, just happened to have his contact info since he talked about wanting to hang out a few times. I kind of just wish I hadn't seen his facebook post to begin with. But since I did, and decided to get involved, I feel I could've/should've gotten involved more. I was just really quite dumbfounded at the time.

 

[MrBigDick]

Yeah, I guess I can't say with absolute certainty that he did it, but in knowing this person's past trials and tribulations it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he went through with it. During the texts we exchanged, he claimed to have been a 'man of his word' and that i should 'check the papers'. Serious stuff.

I guess my question is, did I have a moral obligation to go to extremes to 'save' someone whom I was just casual acquantances with? I mean, yeah, even though he wasn't my best friend, should I have contacted any and all authorities I could think of? Should I have called HIM and pleaded with him? Is there a line here? I really wasnt friends with this dude, just happened to have his contact info since he talked about wanting to hang out a few times. I kind of just wish I hadn't seen his facebook post to begin with. But since I did, and decided to get involved, I feel I could've/should've gotten involved more. I was just really quite dumbfounded at the time.

OK, first off, stop blaming yourself for what he may have done. If he was hell bent on taking his own life, nothing short of an act of God would've prevented him. NOTHING.................I repeat, NOTHING you could've done or said would've changed a thing. He was distraught beyond words and in a place that no one could reach him. Once you get to THAT level of despair, nothing you can do or say is going to change a thing about what he chooses to do. If he's going to take his life and he's committed to doing it, he's going to do it. It doesn't make it easy BUT, you can't sit back and blame yourself either.

Case and point. My ex gf works at a school that helps kids that are developmentally disabled. One day, this 14 year old girl approached her and asked to speak to the school's director. My ex asked her if she had an appointment, to which the girl responded "no". So, my ex told this girl that she needed to make an appointment to see Mrs. so and so and that she'd have to come back later. That night she went home and slit her wrists. This girl was in deep, deep emotional pain and was a known cutter. She ended up UCLA Children's Hospital for treatment and ended up needing psychiatric counseling.

The day my ex found out about this, she sat on the couch that night blaming herself for this girl cutting herself and attempting suicide and then she started to cry. She felt because of her denying this girl the chance at speaking with the school director, this girl went home and slit her wrists. I sat there consoling her as best I could telling her it wasn't her fault and that she (my ex) was simply following protocol in asking this girl to set up an appointment. The school director even told her this girl had a history of this behavior and that this wasn't her fault.

So, this stuff does happen out there unfortunately. You just need to stop blaming yourself because it wasn't your fault. If they're going to do it they're going to do it.

 

[jetsetter439]

you're right MBD. i just have to fully be able to recognize the points you just made, hah.

 

[hardcore]

people with depression who decide to take there life there is no way of stopping as it is a disease of the mind,certainly wouldnt blame urself bud

 

[papaki]

I am negative.I dont want to hurt you man but when he said you he is going to suicide and you were sure about that what did you think????It wouldn be so dificult to call him and try to delay him and calling the police or hospital.I am very negative on that because this is the overal destination of the new world...Everybody thinks only him self and I dont understand why when something like this happens people stays with no acts.Sorry but I couldnt keep my feelings I have to say what I think.
And guys which are going to suicide ALWAYS give messages of that before the final act.Do you know what in 99% of suicides are?They are people that have no love in their lives and feel alone.This is the reason they leave messages before they go.It is the last chanse for them to get sure that they dont have anything to expect from living and no one to understand them.I am so sad about that...
And that emotions you feel are not fake.This is something that makes you know you could have done more than what you did.I dont say it is your fault but as you say you have a 1% fault of on not doing anything and the other 99% are from 99 other people or more in his live who did do the same.Nothing.This kind of people need help and can get alright with the right therapy.You could not make him good but for sure you could delay him and call somebody who could help him.Even now listen the guys above and try to help if it is not so late.dont lose time.take the police or the hospital and inform about that guy..

 

[eompow]

I have a friend that has to deal with the investigation, clean up and aftermath of ideas like this, he states that there are generally two types of incidents, those that want to get attention (that really deep down want help and need to get it) and the second type that want nothing other than to get it done with. He states the second type can't be detoured from their objective. If stopped now then it will happen later usually in a short time span if given the freedom to act.

We should be loving and caring (sacrificing for others in need) but conversely I, you and we ultimately can't take the freewill from another. My creator found it so important that I, you and we have freewill that it is not taken away even in this most dire of circumstance. Even when those actions are not in anyone's best interest.

I pray for the safety and wellbeing of these persons (also their friends and love ones) and if the worst happens, pray for their tormented souls to be at peaceful rest in a much better place.

 

[majic]

I wasn't really friends with this person, but I knew him decently well. I met him through a friend several years ago. We didn't really hang out much but I saw him a few months ago with my friend who originally knew him. This dude was kinda crazy, but nevertheless I would talk to him on occasion over the internet.. was friends with him on facebook, etc. But not close by any means. Still, the other day he left a suicide note on facebook. I proceeded to text him and ask if everything was okay, at which point he seemed pretty determined to do it. I tried to get him to think logically, but all I rec'd back were short vague answers about how he's lost everything etc (including his apartment, somehow). My one friend as mentioned above who originally knew him tried to text but did not receive anything back. i'm pretty sure this person did go through with the suicide since he hasnt responded to a few texts ive sent him since the other day. But i keep thinking, if only i had CALLED him and tried to reach out further instead of just texting, then MAYBE i could have been successful in 'saving' him.. I just feel like the efforts i made have failed me, and i probably could have done more. it's kind of bumming me out. I feel like I had a moral obligation to do everything in my power to save this person, even if he was merely an acquantance. But the fact that he was not a close friend prevented me from 'going all out'. Sorry guys, just had to vent about this. Anyone else ever experience something similar?

I can understnad feelings of sadness but dont let this consume you... you're no jesus christ....its not up to you to save them all if any. And even if you spoke to him, I highly doubt it would have made a difference