Of course we have a straight face. We are talking about a subject with such profounding effects to the PE community that everyone joins hands in celebration that there is finally a better way to permanetly rid ourselves from the the stiffness and swelling found in our units after a hard day of PE. I think I might take one for the team and give it a try tonight. May your EQ acheive higher levels and your gains never ceasing.
A Laugh for the Forum
- Thread starter JonPop
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I think that you have tried this before and are just now willing to share this with the rest of us. Hell man, I'll bet you've even told your wife about this new soaking in cider.
Your probably right........Love your signature, brings back alot of blurry memories, man that chick was fine......
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Joshua had just finished knocking down the walls of Jeri-toe when a large block tumbled down upon his foot. He let out a loud yell which brought all of his men running to see what had happened to their great leader. Upon examination it was found to have smashed his big toe and it was all red and swollen. One of his most trusted officers said to Joshua, "Hey boss, the best thing you can do for a sore toe, is soak it in cider." Whereupon Joshua commanded one of his serving wench's to lay on the ground and expose her vagina.
He inserted his big toe into her hot, juicy pussy and sighed in relief.
His trusted officer waving his arms franticly said,
"No, Joshua....In CIDER, not....... INSIDE HER."
Joshua said..."Fuck off"
He inserted his big toe into her hot, juicy pussy and sighed in relief.
His trusted officer waving his arms franticly said,
"No, Joshua....In CIDER, not....... INSIDE HER."
Joshua said..."Fuck off"
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A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. She starts talking
about this really great new drink. After a while he gives in and lets her order
the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items
on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.
The woman explains. 'First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you
drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink
the lime juice.' So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for
it. He puts the salt on his tongue... salty but OK. He drinks the shot of
Baileys...very pleasant, holding it in his mouth. He thinks...this is OK. Finally
he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
In one second the sharp lime taste hits. At two seconds the Baileys curdles.
At three seconds the salty, curdled taste and mucous-like consistency hits. At
four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot. This triggers
his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend,
he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, 'Good
God!!! What do you call that drink?'
She smiles at him and says, ' Blow Job Revenge.'
about this really great new drink. After a while he gives in and lets her order
the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items
on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.
The woman explains. 'First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you
drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink
the lime juice.' So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for
it. He puts the salt on his tongue... salty but OK. He drinks the shot of
Baileys...very pleasant, holding it in his mouth. He thinks...this is OK. Finally
he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
In one second the sharp lime taste hits. At two seconds the Baileys curdles.
At three seconds the salty, curdled taste and mucous-like consistency hits. At
four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot. This triggers
his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend,
he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, 'Good
God!!! What do you call that drink?'
She smiles at him and says, ' Blow Job Revenge.'
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A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an
attractive man standing alone. She approached him.
'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things
I like most -- cars and men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He said, 'B. J. Titsengolf'
attractive man standing alone. She approached him.
'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things
I like most -- cars and men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He said, 'B. J. Titsengolf'
kingpole
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- Joined
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A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
Her friend asks: "Why are you wearing a Thank GOD It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?"
"Oh, crap!" the blonde says. "I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt.
I thought it meant "Tits Go In Front."
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Two young snakes were slithering along the trail.
One, stopped and said, "Are we poisonous?"
The other snake said, "Why?"
The first snake said, "Because I just bit my lip."
One, stopped and said, "Are we poisonous?"
The other snake said, "Why?"
The first snake said, "Because I just bit my lip."
Erudition
Erudition
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big dick or a good memory. I can't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men -'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? (1) life sucks, (2) job sucks, and (3) the wife doesn't.
16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
Erudition
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big dick or a good memory. I can't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men -'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? (1) life sucks, (2) job sucks, and (3) the wife doesn't.
16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
I've got one. A blackjack dealer in Reno told me this one. It's an old joke but then I'm an old man.
There were three couples, an old couple, a middle aged couple and a young couple, who went to a local church and told the preacher that they would like to join the church. The preacher said, "Well, in order to join, you must abstain from sex for the next two weeks". The old couple said, "No problem. We can't remember the last time anyway". The middle aged couple said, "Well, it will be tough but I think we can do it". The young couple said, " It's going to be very difficult but we will try our best."
Two weeks later all three couples returned to the church to see the preacher. The preacher ask the old couple if they abstained for two weeks and they said they had, and then he ask the middle aged couple and they said yes, it was tough but they had made it. Then the preacher ask the young couple and they said, "We were doing fine until yesterday and my wife bent over to pick up a paint can, and I just lost it, ripped her clothes off and took her right there." The preacher said, "Well then, You are not welcome in our church." And the young man said, "That's ok, we're not welcome at Home Depot either."
There were three couples, an old couple, a middle aged couple and a young couple, who went to a local church and told the preacher that they would like to join the church. The preacher said, "Well, in order to join, you must abstain from sex for the next two weeks". The old couple said, "No problem. We can't remember the last time anyway". The middle aged couple said, "Well, it will be tough but I think we can do it". The young couple said, " It's going to be very difficult but we will try our best."
Two weeks later all three couples returned to the church to see the preacher. The preacher ask the old couple if they abstained for two weeks and they said they had, and then he ask the middle aged couple and they said yes, it was tough but they had made it. Then the preacher ask the young couple and they said, "We were doing fine until yesterday and my wife bent over to pick up a paint can, and I just lost it, ripped her clothes off and took her right there." The preacher said, "Well then, You are not welcome in our church." And the young man said, "That's ok, we're not welcome at Home Depot either."
kingpole
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A day at the Home
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
and all the patients were shouting, "13....13....13."
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little
gap in the planks and looked through to see what was
going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting "14....14....14."
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
and all the patients were shouting, "13....13....13."
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little
gap in the planks and looked through to see what was
going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting "14....14....14."
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']girls night out
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the
hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3
a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wa ke up, I cuckooed
another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock .'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then tripped over the coffee table and farted
[/FONT]
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the
hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3
a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wa ke up, I cuckooed
another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock .'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then tripped over the coffee table and farted
[/FONT]
Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat...Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the isle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up to get a coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the isle seat, I'll get it for you." As soon as he had left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spit in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spit in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors... "Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE MARINES
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up to get a coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the isle seat, I'll get it for you." As soon as he had left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spit in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spit in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors... "Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE MARINES
kingpole
Retired Moderator, PEGym Hero
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- Joined
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Funnnnny. JP
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat
next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.The woman
perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a
glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer
said. 'This is a special day for me. I am
celebrating.' '
This is a special day for me too, I am also
celebrating,' said the woman.'
'What a coincidence!' said the
farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, 'What
are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to
have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am
pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man.
'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens
were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman,
'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and
said, 'What a coincidence!'
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat
next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.The woman
perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a
glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer
said. 'This is a special day for me. I am
celebrating.' '
This is a special day for me too, I am also
celebrating,' said the woman.'
'What a coincidence!' said the
farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, 'What
are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to
have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am
pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man.
'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens
were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman,
'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and
said, 'What a coincidence!'
