Update to my life.

[Dick Whammy]

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I posted about what's been going on in my life.. I thought I'd jot down a few words here to let everybody know what's going on.

Life's been hell, that hasn't changed very much. I'm still under the same roof with the ex-girlfriend but I am getting closer to the date that I will be moving out and going back to New York. I'm still grieving and going through disbelief because of what has happened, but little by little I wake up every morning and my attitude is just that much better.
I've definitely reestablished my relationship with the Lord. I'll try never to lose that again. Prayer is one of my daily mainstays. I'm not pushing religion on anybody, but this is something I need and I'm not ashamed of it.
Little at a time I've been packing and organizing the things that I'll be taking back to New York with me. I was able to sell just a few things, and that money is going towards the cost of my trip. My thanks once again to the people on here who have assisted me in my cause. You are all a great steppingstone for me to begin turning my life around. One bit of advice I have for anyone and everyone, this might sound funny but you'll get the idea, never get caught with your pants down! What I mean by that is always have money tucked away for a rainy day or stormy day. My mom never taught me how to save, so I'm always getting caught with my pants down. I'm also happy to say there is still wonderful good people out there who are so willing to help a stranger but they've never met. So it exists.

The personal situation has become more impersonal. I'm without a vehicle and she hasn't the care in the world that I'm stranded here. One thing about a BPD female, that is in the same position as my ex, is that she feels that she deserves everything. I mean that sincerely. If she didn't spend 85% of her time being nasty and disconnected, we would be a lot happier the day that I leave here. She just doesn't have the same view on reality that a more normal individual would have. I'm not sure if I still love her anymore, and if I do it's probably out of habit. When I made a conscious effort to see her for what she actually is, it's like people who love sharks. No matter how much you love that shark, that shark is never going to love you.

I count my blessings every day, I just don't come out say here are my blessings. But I get to think, live, look forward to what's coming at me in life, and it's clear the things that are my blessings.

I'm still a little short of my goal, I guess I'll always be short, and I should be thankful for what I do have. I do know that I am going to make it! Wonderful people that talk to me via private messages already know that. I'm just so amazed at how widespread this type of issue is. So many people suffer with a loved one that has mind-boggling issues. In the future I will pay this forward, because no one should have to live like I have been living, and even at the end of the relationship, nobody should still have to go through what I'm going through. There are many more ways to help somebody when money is not an option. I have a friend coming down from New York to help me with the move. The effort involved speaks for itself as far as friendship goes. So there are still good good people out there. I'll update this or make a new post after I leave the situation. Feel free to comment, I need all the inspiration and kindness that I can get. If it is one thing I've learned it's that I know so little about life. Thanks to all my friends out there love you all.

 

[Park Lib]

That's good news! No one has a perfect life, some are more happier than others but we all have difficult moments. I'm happy you have a friend helping you and a destination to head towards as well as your faith to help you when you feel anxious.

 

[Dick Whammy]

I made it out alive!! I'm back in NY now......freezing my ass off! I'm learning to forgive the ex, but coming back to 18 degree weather makes me want to stay angry at her!!!

I didn't take the washer or bed with me. I feel better in my heart that I was not a douche. I can live with it. I've got move stuff than I know what to do with right now anyway. Worse thing so far is that my favorite wireless mouse stopped working. Oh well, if that is the worse......YAY!!

Ebay, here I come!!

Thanks INFINITELY to all those (yes I'm thanking again) that helped me and gave me everything from do-reh-mi to inspiration, and even those tough talks from some. You are ALL great in my book. I'll be back!

 

[Jay1983]

Dick Whammy at'chur cervix!!!!!!!!

 

[LeStrange]

Really glad to read this dude!
Fuck the bed and the washer, they don't mean anything compared to your newly found freedom, even if it's on 18 degrees!

Cheers! Stay positive! Better things are yet to come!

 

[closed224]

I am glad that others were able to help you, but in the end you had to pull your pants on and help yourself. You did this. Great job, keep it up.

 

[akaTrex]

DW,

Let me know where to send the Tempurpedic Hammock!

T-Rex Out!

 

[burtybasset]

Great work Mr Whammy, glad your moving on with your life!

 

[Dick Whammy]

You guys are nothing short of great. Yep, ballin my eyes out reading your goods. I guess I feel like I was repreived from hell. Thank you 10x8, I was barely able to pull my pants up, good thing they were shorts!! I got this pinched nerve that is screwin up the neck, shoulder, arm and hand. Chiro visit tomorrow though. I have to say it was probably caused by stress and then developed some more. I will fill you guys in on stuff she pulled during the last two weeks. Never never never underestimate this affliction. I'm gonna fill you in on stuff I learned about me too.....wishful probably already knows this stuff,,,,that man is a TOWER of KNOWLEDGE. Before I die, I have to AT LEAST meet him in person. But nonetheless all of you are stellar to me!! I would have been in pitch black had I not had you to talk to. People do not believe me when I tell them,,,,,,but I believe......I lived this stuff. Now I'm going to move forward. Step by step.

 

[RIB2211]

I just read your other thread man...sh*t, I got nothing to say but I wish you the best. Things are gonna be better once you're out.

sending best wishes man

 

[closed224]

Thanks DW, who knows maybe I will get to New York for a vacation or something. Groot is growing better.

 

[not2big]

Glad to hear about your improved situation (not counting your pinches nerve). I hope everything is on a road to improved happiness and self fulfillment. One day at a time.

 

[kickinthemebs]

Definitely one of the best signatures I have ever seen on here

Glad you are doing better DickWhammy, good to hear you are in a better place now.

Dick Whammy at'chur cervix!!!!!!!!

 

[Cavalier]

Welcome back to NY DW! I thought you would bring back some of that warm Florida weather with you. Oh well, I guess we will have to freeze our ass off a little longer.

 

[islander]

Yay so glad for you. Day by day her stress will be replaced with relief. Sure new stress but that's life and you are alive living it for a reason. Lots to be thankful for. I get to NYC usually once a year. No idea what part you are at but I will def let you know when. Lots of warmth being sent your way. Xo

 

[Richvextends]

Sorry you went through hell DW and there will be some good days and then the bad when you might want to reconnect with her. That is not weakness in my book as it shows you have compassion and that is better than anything she's got to include the bed and dishwasher.

 

[zman87]

Just glad you're out of there DW. No more.

"I am Free" - Newsboys

Z

 

[aBone2pick]

Sorry you had to go through that craziness. It really is true what my old man always said, "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger... it also gives you back pain."

 

[Dick Whammy]

Greetings to all my friends (great friends) here in the gym.

I'm not 100% up to writing and getting back on board here in the gym yet......but I miss you all. Many of you have been very concerned about me and I've dropped off the planet....I don't like that, but it's kinda like being in a coma with no control over the situation.

I'm free. I'm in NY again since Saturday 3/21/15. It was a long grieving trip leaving Florida, leaving my ex. When I got back, I was suffering with a pinched nerve in my neck which screwed up my left shoulder and arm. In fact pain was constant and nagging. Left hand was kinda numb and still is. It's getting slightly better. Chiropractor said the probably start/cause of it was most likely stress. So, I have been falling apart for weeks after my return. Even caught a cold/flu that I think started with my Son,,,,he was super stressed from my entire ordeal. So physically I was a shambles and to some degree I still am suffering. Emotionally and mentally, well that's another story. I've been on more emotional rollercoaster rides than disney world in 2014. This sucked and still sucks. I thought I was going to leave my grief in Florida and come back and be "healed" in no time flat. That just didn't happen. Thank God for the people on the gym that were there for me,,,,messaging, texting, emailing and helping me out in every way imaginable. You were a very large part of my survival. My breakup with the BPD ex occurred on 2/7/15 and until 3/19/15 I remained under the same roof with her. It was absolutely horrible. I've been thru hell and yes I'm qualified at this point to comment on how much hell there actually was. I don't wish this on anyone and to those that share such horrid grief, my heart and tears go out to you all. You just can't know what it was like unless you've been there. How a woman, that promised you "forever" in love and in her arms, could abandon you and discard you like Mondays trash. It's hard to talk about it and it's even hard to type it here. Horrible. I'll never see things the same. Right now things are still in the gray color,,,,,but I'm slowly rising above my pains. It's gonna be some time to come before I am ready again to get out there and be the me I was in 2011 before all this happened.

So I'm staying with my Son, God bless him for all he's done for me and kept his own sanity. Do you have any idea what it's like to rescue your dad,,the man that is supposed to have his life all together and be there to take care of you?? I couldn't take care of myself at first, I had to struggle with every single thing I did. To this moment I'm still talking and venting and ruminating about things that "normal" people don't even think or know about. I look at my future with uncertainty because I totally lost myself and almost don't know how to be me anymore. I know it's going to change. Slowly. Very slowly. I reunited with God again. We were friends in the past, but I've lost my way when things were "OK" in my world. He reminded me how I need Him. That's a personal thing but I'm not ashamed. So with my prayer and the prayers, hopes and wishes of everyone that cares,,,,,I made it. During the past week I've actually got the urge to PE which I started doing a bit at a time. It's nurturing myself and it feels good. So here I am,,,,,,I'm gonna come back in bits and pieces (obviously).

Anybody wanna know more or about the ex and her behaviour, just message or leave a message in this thread. I'm working on me now,,,,it was hard to get to this point because everything was her and the BPD ripping my heart out.

Thanks everyone.

 

[NCGUY1972]

Hey DW good to hear from u, I've been gone a while myself going through hell & back! My kids really helped me stay strong its been just me and them for months now and I'm finally talking to people again myself