Coming to terms.

[anonymity]

Just an example.

MrB8 That is the second time today that as a mother of one boy you have quickened my heart and taken my breath!
I am quite strong willed and throughout my life have had to recover from horrible events and losses But I can assure you sir your example is one that would surely break me. There would be no recovery. Only mothers of only children would understand.

But there is absolutely NOTHING else that would stop me. Failure and loss are apart of life you do everything you can to better yourself and the world around you and that's all you can do. There's solace in that.
Pride, honor, and self respect come from dusting yourself off and getting back in the game.:dwarf:

 

[kirkoloft]

MrB8 That is the second time today that as a mother of one boy you have quickened my heart and taken my breath!
I am quite strong willed and throughout my life have had to recover from horrible events and losses But I can assure you sir your example is one that would surely break me. There would be no recovery. Only mothers of only children would understand.

But there is absolutely NOTHING else that would stop me. Failure and loss are apart of life you do everything you can to better yourself and the world around you and that's all you can do. There's solace in that.
Pride, honor, and self respect come from dusting yourself off and getting back in the game.:dwarf:

Will you be my mommy?:baby:

 

[anonymity]

I'm not mad. There are just some visuals that stimulate an overwhelming emotional response in me. I wish I would have left sensitivity back in the sandbox. I can't watch the news, I find it depressing. Anyway, back to your topic dear, sorry for the obstruction.

 

[TPW]

Hey everybody, :wave:

At some point, or even more than many times (for some unfortunate people), we face things we have to come to terms with, like losing something/someone special, or realizing we will never be able to get/achieve something we desperately need.

How does one accept it and move on, I'm not discussing something specific, but lets say, someone recently faced such problem that they need to come to terms with, what would you suggest for helping them, any advice, or thoughts.

Hey MrB8,

Whether we are grieving the loss of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job or the forfeiting of a personal dream or goal, loss is loss and the grieving process is the same. To help come to terms with that loss - whatever it may be - we have to give ourselves time to move through what Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, called the 5 stages of grieving.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

While most people will experience this process sequentially, some do not and that is OK. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving/loss process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.

Coping with any deep loss is ultimately a very personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. Knowing your phases of grief can help normalize your loss. It’s also important to know that there are no time limits and no rushing the process. It will take time but you will eventually reach acceptance. And with acceptance will come the ability to move forward once again.

 

[MrB8]

Thanks TPW, and everybody for your input, I guess I do over think some things or believe there is a hidden solution.

 

[TPW]

Good answer, but how about realizing that there is no chance for that to ever happen at all, how can one come to terms with that.

You accept it (eventually) and then seek to find a suitable replacement.

 

[MrBigDick]

Well, I'm facing the loss of someone who I thought was my friend but it turns out she isn't. How to handle that? Delete them from fb, phone or wherever else and move on.

 

[TheGreatDivider]

Also correct, but sometimes the issues are bigger than what preservation instinct can hold, besides, I'm not a fan of leave them to get better on their own school. :becky:

That's not exactly what I meant. You should at least try to help someone going through emotional duress, but there's only so much you can do. That person is going to have to develop their own coping tools and come to accept that there are some things you really shouldn't be worrying about.

If you want a good example of this... I work with married people going through lots of stress and depression from dealing with their spouses affair(s) and divorce. These people go through the same grieving cycle as everyone else, but they mainth just need someone to listen so they can get it out of their minds for a while and calm down. They do kinda flip flip and cycle between extremes for a few weeks or months, but after that they start dealing with stress better as they can screen through the potential stressors before it gets to them. It's a self preservation tactic. You will only stress yourself out until your mind and your body has had enough.

 

[TheGreatDivider]

Well, I'm facing the loss of someone who I thought was my friend but it turns out she isn't. How to handle that? Delete them from fb, phone or wherever else and move on.

Pretty much.

 

[MrB8]

That's not exactly what I meant. You should at least try to help someone going through emotional duress, but there's only so much you can do. That person is going to have to develop their own coping tools and come to accept that there are some things you really shouldn't be worrying about.

If you want a good example of this... I work with married people going through lots of stress and depression from dealing with their spouses affair(s) and divorce. These people go through the same grieving cycle as everyone else, but they mainth just need someone to listen so they can get it out of their minds for a while and calm down. They do kinda flip flip and cycle between extremes for a few weeks or months, but after that they start dealing with stress better as they can screen through the potential stressors before it gets to them. It's a self preservation tactic. You will only stress yourself out until your mind and your body has had enough.

I agree.

Thank you for your clarification.

I was playing the devils advocate by creating an extreme scenario (a bad one too ) where someone can't deal with a very long term issue that they cant accept, and was wondering if there's anything that can be done to help them, apparently, or at least what I could understand, is that we can only listen to them and hope their "immune" system kicks in eventually before they destroy themselves.

 

[TPW]

I agree.

Thank you for your clarification.

I was playing the devils advocate by creating an extreme scenario (a bad one too ) where someone can't deal with a very long term issue that they cant accept, and was wondering if there's anything that can be done to help them, apparently, or at least what I could understand, is that we can only listen to them and hope their "immune" system kicks in eventually before they destroy themselves.

Hey MrB8,

As I stated earlier, an individual will need to go through the 5 phases of grief/loss. Although the journey is a singular one; that is not to say that someone cannot assist them in working through each of those phases; either through various therapeutic interventions or by simply lending them an ear or a shoulder to lean (or cry) on.

 

[draggin]

Hey everybody, :wave:

At some point, or even more than many times (for some unfortunate people), we face things we have to come to terms with, like losing something/someone special, or realizing we will never be able to get/achieve something we desperately need.

How does one accept it and move on, I'm not discussing something specific, but lets say, someone recently faced such problem that they need to come to terms with, what would you suggest for helping them, any advice, or thoughts.

Hey B8. I didn't read the posts on the thread, cause I didn't want to risk getting bummed out. So I apologize if my comment is random.

Dude, your mind is heavy. Lighten up.

Some days when I look into the mirror I see a loser. Some days I look into the mirror and see a winner. The only difference is how I am perceiving myself at that moment. So sure, be aware of your shortcomings, but vow to live your life by focusing on your qualities and why are great. I believe this is what separates people who enjoy life from those that get depressed about life. So if you could choose, who would you be? It is in your control.

 

[MrB8]

Hey MrB8,

As I stated earlier, an individual will need to go through the 5 phases of grief/loss. Although the journey is a singular one; that is not to say that someone cannot assist them in working through each of those phases; either through various therapeutic interventions or by simply lending them an ear or a shoulder to lean (or cry) on.

So depending on the case, help could be provided by a specialist, as for the rest of us, we may listen to them and be there for them.

The good thing is that this means there is always hope, thanks.

 

[TPW]

So depending on the case, help could be provided by a specialist, as for the rest of us, we may listen to them and be there for them.

The good thing is that this means there is always hope, thanks.

MrB8,

Wisdom and caring comes from all walks of life; so it is certainly not just the "specialists" that can provide solace and/or solutions to those in need.

And yes...there is ALWAYS hope.

 

[TheGreatDivider]

I agree.

Thank you for your clarification.

I was playing the devils advocate by creating an extreme scenario (a bad one too ) where someone can't deal with a very long term issue that they cant accept, and was wondering if there's anything that can be done to help them, apparently, or at least what I could understand, is that we can only listen to them and hope their "immune" system kicks in eventually before they destroy themselves.

That's exactly it.

I've been working as a counselor for a while, and so a lot of people come to me and just complain about everything. They hate their jobs, hate their partners, hate their kids, and hate their lives. All I can really do is sit there and read their texts, because it's online, and try to empathize with them. All they really want at first is for someone to listen... It's a lot like coming home to a wife or a girlfriend who just complains about everything, but doesn't want you to do anything to help her she just to listen to her. So that's what I do.

You have to just make an effort to care and listen to them tell their stories. Maybe ask some follow up question, because it going to be your job to try to process that information so you can calm them down. Then when they're done you ask them if they would like some help, and they usually do. All you do there is give them the advice they want.... and that's tricky. You can't tell anyone to do anything they don't want to do if it's painful.

It's like how week after week I have the same couple of women just miserable with their cheating and/or abusive husbands who ask me what they can do to make things better. I get one email from one every couple of weeks, and another from a woman while she's at work. Now I can't tell them "Just leave him!" because they won't listen. Or they will listen for a while and then go back to living in limbo. There's not a lot I can do there. It's their choice after all. So all I do there is just listen to them when they're having a bad time, then I try to get them to think about things in several different ways. From their perspective, from their partner's perspective, and from an outsider's perspective. I'm very good at getting them to that "Aha!" moment.

It's not just women too. I do get a few emails from guys, but guys don't really ask for help that much. And I'll get the same emails from the same people all the time. What amazes me is that there is a natural cycle here and I won't hear from certain people for months at a time. Everything will be fine and then suddenly they'll have complications with their separation or the ex husband will do something really shitty to try to hurt the jilted ex wife. So what I do is just try to calm them down and repeat what they've told me and try to include some stuff that they can't see right now.

For instance about a week ago a friend of mine, a beautiful redheaded nurse and mother to two daughters, contacted me very upset that her husband admitted to drinking again and having yet another affair. So I asked her what happened in between Christmas and now and just tried to point out that this was his decision. Her husband didn't even try to make a new year's resolution, he held up the act for 3 weeks, went back to sneaking out and drinking, and then had his 51st fling since the week of their wedding. They haven't even been married a decade and he's just a dawg.

 

[CUSP82]

Wow this is a heavy thread. I prefer to focus on the time we had with someone and not the time we'll never have. Besides if you believe then we will all be together again. Just think all eternity with the folks from the pe gym. Ah heaven!

 

[anonymity]

Wow this is a heavy thread. I prefer to focus on the time we had with someone and not the time we'll never have. Besides if you believe then we will all be together again. Just think all eternity with the folks from the pe gym. Ah heaven!

Well that settles it then. :angel:

:rapture:

 

[CUSP82]

Well that settles it then. :angel:

:rapture:

Yes it does! Now go make someone some coffee and eggs.I don't care who, just o make it! ( I know I'm not getting any-gee how did I mean that?????)

 

[anonymity]

Yes it does! Now go make someone some coffee and eggs.I don't care who, just o make it! ( I know I'm not getting any-gee how did I mean that?????)

I'm outta cream so someone else has to do it this morning.

 

[MrB8]

Wow this is a heavy thread. I prefer to focus on the time we had with someone and not the time we'll never have. Besides if you believe then we will all be together again. Just think all eternity with the folks from the pe gym. Ah heaven!

:agree: That's a great perspective Mr. CUSP82!

Well that settles it then. :angel:

:rapture:

:agree:

----------------------------

Now lets find something fun!