Why does her past bother me?

[MrBigDick]

I'm on my parents insurance so they'll see that. So I'll have to find an explanation for why I'm seeing a therapist...that won't go well

Then maybe I'm a different sort of parent because if either of my kids needed a therapist and in fact, one of my daughters has, her mother and I saw to it she got the help she needed. It was a non-issue. You're an adult, you don't have to tell your parents anything unless you personally choose to. It's called Doctor/Patient confidentiality.

 

[MrBigDick]

I didn't read the whole thread but whatever lol....

I went to therapy for a while. Waste of time in my opinion. I'm sure it helps some people but ultimately, you're the one that needs to solve your own problems. sh*t happens to a lot of people, but as long as you're healthy there is still hope. Instead of focusing on problems, focus on goals and solutions.

I wasted a few years focusing on my problems during a sad phase I had in my life. If you always focus on goals, there is no way you can go wrong. I wish you the best.

And you would be absolutely correct. Therapy can be a total waste of time if you don't take the tools given to you during your sessions to help you with whatever issue that brought you to seek a therapist in the first place. Therapists, like Doctors, aren't God.............they can only offer suggestions on how YOU can fix what ails you but ultimately, it is up to YOU, the individual, to make the changes.

 

[TruthSpeaks]

And you're basing all of this on what? He's got some insecurity issues that he's going to get help addressing so he can kick his issues to the curb. What does marriage have to do with anything? Not everyone gets married boss............

On even the one who Created your life.

 

[Learntolift]

Then maybe I'm a different sort of parent because if either of my kids needed a therapist and in fact, one of my daughters has, her mother and I saw to it she got the help she needed. It was a non-issue. You're an adult, you don't have to tell your parents anything unless you personally choose to. It's called Doctor/Patient confidentiality.

My parents would do the same. I'd just feel embarrassed on the topic I think you can understand that. Did you go to therapy regarding the same thing? What helped you resolve your insecurities?

 

[BigO]

Your going to dwell on the past, when she gets sick of this crap the next guy will be her best.

Or you could love her and stop the foolishness. Your choice.

 

[draggin]

Your going to dwell on the past, when she gets sick of this crap the next guy will be her best.

Or you could love her and stop the foolishness. Your choice.

Amen BigO!! Good thing I'm not his gf, cause I'm already sick of it. Oh well, if he's like me he will have to learn a few things the hard way. C'es la vie.

 

[Learntolift]

Amen BigO!! Good thing I'm not his gf, cause I'm already sick of it. Oh well, if he's like me he will have to learn a few things the hard way. C'es la vie.

I'm trying not to dwell on it. But keep in mind I just found out a few days ago I mean it'll take some time

And once again. I don't lash out at her over it or anything so there's nothing for her to get sick of. This is all internal that I'm sharing with you guys

 

[MrBigDick]

On even the one who Created your life.

?????

 

[MrBigDick]

Your going to dwell on the past, when she gets sick of this crap the next guy will be her best.

Or you could love her and stop the foolishness. Your choice.

Exactly!!

 

[MrBigDick]

My parents would do the same. I'd just feel embarrassed on the topic I think you can understand that. Did you go to therapy regarding the same thing? What helped you resolve your insecurities?

My issues were more trust based than insecure based. The first time I went to therapy was because of trust issues with women. The second time I went was because I was meeting nothing but losers and I wanted to know if it was me or them. Either way, time, maturity and age helped get me to where I am now.

 

[Stu]

What it really comes down to is a choice. You can choose to love this girl and not let her past bother you. After all, her past isn't any worse than yours. Or you can choose to let this bother you, running the risk that it could break up your relationship. I know that it may not seem like a choice sometimes, but that's just because emotions tend to overwhelm us. We always have a choice in how we feel.

 

[Learntolift]

I'm trying to choose not to let it bother me but it's so hard and seems to not be working. Any suggestions on how to go about it? I'm just telling myself it doesn't matter she loves me and always has since knowing me. Does the most with me and gets pleased most by me. Doesn't help really


Also another note I found out she has a sexy bra she got while dating some other guy a while ago before me and didn't buy it FOR him but she saw it thought it was sexy thought he'd like it and wore it for him. No sentiment attached or anything. Should it bother me or is it because of my insecurity that it bothers me?

 

[BigO]

I'm trying not to dwell on it. But keep in mind I just found out a few days ago I mean it'll take some time

And once again. I don't lash out at her over it or anything so there's nothing for her to get sick of. This is all internal that I'm sharing with you guys

Well then sit down for this. When she was with that guy she liked his dick, or she would not have put it in her mouth more than once, and you liked the tits you played with before too. Fooling around is fun and unfortunately you more than likely have her afraid to say she has ever had fun. What a cold and cruel person to want to have all of her past encounters be horrible. How would you feel if she had said she was forced to do it, would that be better.

Hopefully any one who cares would want her life to have been a good one before she met you. I know my wife was not a virgin when I met her and I honestly hope it was under the best of circumstances that she lost her virginity, I hope the guy was caring and considerate and I hope he made her feel like the most important women in the world. She deserves no less. I would however be pissed if I found out he used her, treated her bad and then dumped her after getting what he wanted so you can look at it either way. I hope she likes you and yours the best but i also hope that she liked the last and had a great time, now that is from someone who does not know her. i would hope that some one who loves her could care so much.

 

[Learntolift]

Well then sit down for this. When she was with that guy she liked his dick, or she would not have put it in her mouth more than once, and you liked the tits you played with before too. Fooling around is fun and unfortunately you more than likely have her afraid to say she has ever had fun. What a cold and cruel person to want to have all of her past encounters be horrible. How would you feel if she had said she was forced to do it, would that be better.

Hopefully any one who cares would want her life to have been a good one before she met you. I know my wife was not a virgin when I met her and I honestly hope it was under the best of circumstances that she lost her virginity, I hope the guy was caring and considerate and I hope he made her feel like the most important women in the world. She deserves no less. I would however be pissed if I found out he used her, treated her bad and then dumped her after getting what he wanted so you can look at it either way. I hope she likes you and yours the best but i also hope that she liked the last and had a great time, now that is from someone who does not know her. i would hope that some one who loves her could care so much.

Well she had daddy issues then cause her dad was verbally abusive and left them in high school and this was she was 19 and the guy was 29. She was young and wanted him to like her cause of daddy issues and only did that cause she wanted to get him to like her, and I believe her cause I know how much she hated giving head even to me until maybe a month ago she started liking it. So ya the guy probably did use her for a few easy hookups when she was young and wanted love and wanted him to like her.

 

[BigO]

I'm trying to choose not to let it bother me but it's so hard and seems to not be working. Any suggestions on how to go about it? I'm just telling myself it doesn't matter she loves me and always has since knowing me. Does the most with me and gets pleased most by me. Doesn't help really


Also another note I found out she has a sexy bra she got while dating some other guy a while ago before me and didn't buy it FOR him but she saw it thought it was sexy thought he'd like it and wore it for him. No sentiment attached or anything. Should it bother me or is it because of my insecurity that it bothers me?

If I were you I would throw out all the clothes she bought before you cause she may have looked good in front of someone else, maybe all of her old letters too. book and email history as well. Hey, why not delete her Facebook and while you are at it have all of her under garments tested for DNA, not just other guys but her own as well because she may have actually been wet for another guy. Who knows, maybe she thinks the other guys she sees are good looking so remove her eyes. You could also see if the CIA could erase her memory, especially about that other guys cock in her mouth and his hands down her pants, I am glad my wife never ever sucked or touched or seen another cock because I don't know how I could love her. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Dwell on this, you are acting a fool, so what else are you going to be insecure about.

 

[BigO]

Well she had daddy issues then cause her dad was verbally abusive and left them in high school and this was she was 19 and the guy was 29. She was young and wanted him to like her cause of daddy issues and only did that cause she wanted to get him to like her, and I believe her cause I know how much she hated giving head even to me until maybe a month ago she started liking it. So ya the guy probably did use her for a few easy hookups when she was young and wanted love and wanted him to like her.

Maybe he just liked her and thought that she was hot, fun and interesting. I am sure he could have chose someone else, your trying to convince your self that she is better off being a victim, you really need to reset your thought process. Do you love her? I mean do you really love her, do you want to make her happy or do you want to make her feel bad and guilty. She has done nothing wrong. She is in her 20's and it sounds like she has not had much experience.

Are you worried that she is not telling the truth about being a virgin, that would be the next logical step with the thought process you have going on. Are you truly sure that she was? I would bet that you have your doubts.

 

[Learntolift]

Yes I truly love her and want her happy. It's just an insecurity I think. That these experiences I know she's had maybe they were better? Maybe she wanted him more than me now?

Ya she was a virgin then for sure she lost it at 23. She's not a liar. I know she's done nothing wrong. It's all my own sh*t not her. I've had past experiences too of course I don't "blame" her for having a past lol. It's just shitty to think about and I'm the obsessive analytical type so I get stuck on it

 

[BigO]

Look man, I am beating on you a bit but honestly, you need to think of who she is now. You cant change her past, you can do absolutely nothing about it. All you can do is push her away if you continue to have issues. So repeat to your self over and over, I love who she is, i love who she is and then i love who she is.

Have you ever seen the movie " the Butterfly Effect", it is about a guy who can go back and change the past but every time he does it thinking he can make things better they get worse. Imagine if she did not go with that guy the first night, she went to a party and met a different guy and then moved away and you never met her. to change one thing in someones past is to change the person completely. Whatever happened happened and it is part of who she is now and why she is where she is at.

would you go back in time and change even the smallest of things if it could alter the path of her life completely. You could change one thing but have no control of the effect. Love her, because she loves you. good luck.

 

[CUSP82]

You are a controlling person; very hard to live with. It's your way or the highway. Without change there will be many disappointments in your life. So you go to law school? How will you get your way, or control, a court of law? Will there be a tantrum if the judge rules against you? You yourself see the issues but yet you chalk it up, or give it a label; you're an obsessive analytical person. Analytical is fine, obsessive not so good is it?

 

[Learntolift]

I think it's a good point to understand I should be happy her past happened how it did because ultimately it led her to me.


And while I logically know all this I just don't know how to go about actually achieving the solution. I need the means to the end that what I've tried hasn't worked. Unless I just have to keep at it