Openers....

[TheEconomy]

There is a really cute girl that works at a restaurant me and my parents go to close to home every month or so. I'm 23 and at college now since August, but while I'm home here I'd like to try talking to her. So my plan is to have my buddy go with me to the bar and hang out and try to talk to her.


Here is my issue... I don't know what to say. I've been told I'm an attractive guy and I believe it. I've been told I'm a big flirt, but I don't really do it intentionally. The problem is I usually only flirt with girls I'm comfortable with, so strangers -- not so much.


If I could get her to talk to me and see if we have any sort of connection or if she thinks I'm funny, then GREAT! If she doesn't, then I know I tried at least. I need some help or advise on openers with women. What can I say that won't make it seem like I'm just hitting on her or trying to score? I'm not super talkative, but I do just fine if I'm comfortable.

SO LET ME HAVE 'EM!!!!! Should I just walk up and tell her my name and ask her to sit down with us on her break? That doesn't seem like a good idea to me, so Ladies Men, give me advice please!

 

[somebodyelse]

The Art Of Mackin"-Tariq "Elite" Nasheed - YouTube

 

[funkylemonade]

I must make this disclaimer that I don't have any intentions of being offensive here, but just what your doing now is what you SHOULDN'T DO. You sound pretty in tune with your own ability to socialize in certain situations. At the same time you acknowledge she puts you out of ur comfort zone (being shes a stranger). Your over analyzing and thinking too much. In my opinion and from experience, pre-meditated "openers" or conversations with women of interest will always reak of awkwardness/insecurity to both parties. Premeditated motives are good for communicating with people you already know and may have a difference of opinion with, therefore it acts as an outline for you to establish your desires/wishes. In your case, you don't need an outline since you don't even know her. I tended to do exactly what you're doing now and it never led to anything memorable. Our minds are so complex often we can't control them!.... You sound as anxious as a driver on the freeway during rush hour desperately trying to get over 4 lanes and get off on your exit while sipping a coffee. In all actuality try to remember this frantic attitude is all in your mind, you created it. Your reality should be that your cruising on a nice back road, today there's no specific destination. In your case, just be yourself. Your feelings and desires will resonate and act on their own. I can't tell you what to do, as that is what i'm telling you not do. Live in the moment and amazing things tend to happen. Create expectations and you tend to be frustrated and discouraged.

 

[TheEconomy]

I must make this disclaimer that I don't have any intentions of being offensive here, but just what your doing now is what you SHOULDN'T DO. You sound pretty in tune with your own ability to socialize in certain situations. At the same time you acknowledge she puts you out of ur comfort zone (being shes a stranger). Your over analyzing and thinking too much. In my opinion and from experience, pre-meditated "openers" or conversations with women of interest will always reak of awkwardness/insecurity to both parties. Premeditated motives are good for communicating with people you already know and may have a difference of opinion with, therefore it acts as an outline for you to establish your desires/wishes. In your case, you don't need an outline since you don't even know her. I tended to do exactly what you're doing now and it never led to anything memorable. Our minds are so complex often we can't control them!.... You sound as anxious as a driver on the freeway during rush hour desperately trying to get over 4 lanes and get off on your exit while sipping a coffee. In all actuality try to remember this frantic attitude is all in your mind, you created it. Your reality should be that your cruising on a nice back road, today there's no specific destination. In your case, just be yourself. Your feelings and desires will resonate and act on their own. I can't tell you what to do, as that is what i'm telling you not do. Live in the moment and amazing things tend to happen. Create expectations and you tend to be frustrated and discouraged.

So you're saying just be confident and let whatever happens, happen? Don't make up any scenarios and just be friendly and see how it goes?

I'm not actually anxious, I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship two months ago, and I've only seen this hostess at this restaurant twice. The funny thing is my parents said they thought she was checking me out haha. Maybe I miss-phrased what I was asking. I'm not trying to mack on her, just say something to her while she is working that won't come across as straight-up hitting on her.

Your response did make me realize though that I would have been better suited just going for it! The fact that I asked does make me sound insecure lol

 

[funkylemonade]

^^ YOU GOT IT ECONOMY... sorry I get carried away with analogies sometimes, just go for it, take in mind... there's definitely friendly respectful ways of initiating flirting without sounding like a scumbag... I can't tell you what to say, but something casual thats relevant to the moment is your best bet. No matter what just don't tell her this: "I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship two months ago". I think that's a given. Good luck my dude... I know you won't have any problems.

 

[Qarzan]

Live in the moment and amazing things tend to happen. Create expectations and you tend to be frustrated and discouraged.

Dude, you're my new hero. Repped.

 

[Rockitman]

There is beauty in simple logic: you say that you can flirt with girls that you are comfortable with, so get comfortable her!

First off, go at it alone, ditch the wingman, it tells her that you are insecure. If she's a waitress, try to get a table that she waits on, become a more frequent customer, if she doesn't have a nametag, ask her her name. Give her a nice tip when you go. Another tactic is to inquire about her through another employee at the restaurant. Make eye contact, smile a lot, and if it looks like she's receptive, tell her you would like a dinner experience with her where someone else serves the food.

Above all, just be yourself.

 

[phil88]

Should I just walk up and tell her my name and ask her to sit down with us on her break? That doesn't seem like a good idea to me, so Ladies Men, give me advice please!

yours is the best idea in the thread but waitresses are very easy, when they are done serving you, you ask what time they are off. If they give give you an indirect answer you fail, if they give you a time then ask for her number and CALL her about half hour after she gets off work. do it on a day where you can go out that night.

 

[TheEconomy]

Thanks for the responses guys!

@phil: yeah that does seem like a foolproof way to ask a waitress! Only problem is she is the hostess haha. I'll maybe try that some other time though

I don't think I'd go by myself, she may not even be there! I don't really drink a whole lot so i'd feel like an idiot going to a restaurant to order a beer at the bar and then leave after one lol. So he would just be there to watch the game on the TV with, help relax me, and actually have a good time with since he is going over to Afghanistan in a month.

Any other pieces of input? They don't even have to be pertaining to my situation, I think I'd be cool to hear about guys who know how to start a conversation with a random girl with the intention of getting her number without acting like that's what you're after.