In our first post in the Ask Kimberly series, I chose this one, because not only did I receive a DM about this topic, but I actually had a friend have this same issue a few years ago, plus I’ve had female friends who’ve commented about not enjoying oral sex. So, I hope this is of value to a lot of you!
Do you have a question or a situation you’d like me to weigh in on? Send me a direct message at forum name – KMWylie . As always, if your question is chosen for a post, your identity will be completely anonymous. So, don’t be shy! There are no dumb questions!
Q. My girlfriend refuses to give me a blowjob. She even says that she doesn’t like it when I go down on her. I don’t know what to do.
First, have you talked to her about this? As I always like to say — Good communication is critical to any relationship. For this reason, the first thing to do is talk to her and find out exactly why she doesn’t enjoy oral sex. It could be a variety of reasons – some more easily overcome than others.
- Does she have an issue with your hygiene? I think this is the easiest issue to correct. Even if you’re relatively clean — where you wash those manbits thoroughly everyday and after any sort of physical activity — even sitting around all day can get the man funk going down there. If she has an issue with this, try showering or taking a bath together, before sex. It’s great foreplay and should help her know you’re super-clean.
. - She too may have concern on the receiving end about the whole hygiene thing. We can be pretty insecure about our bodies, and if she’s worried about this, again, some foreplay bathing or showering can really help.
. - Is she worried about her technique? Believe it or not, if your girlfriend has little to no experience with oral sex, she may really worry that she won’t “do it right.” Reassuring her — and communicating what you like if she does give it a try, and praising her when she does, can help her gain confidence.
. - On the flip side, your technique may be off. Remember, even if you’ve had other girls tell you you were amazing at oral sex – what works for one woman doesn’t necessarily work for others. Always start off slowly, pay attention to body cues, and ask her if she likes what you’re doing.
. - Is it too taboo? Even in today’s society, oral sex in some families is simply taboo… nice girls don’t do that… kind of thing. This is going to be harder to overcome, but not impossible. The big thing is to have open discussions about her feelings and yours.
. - Is there some other issue? Previous sexual abuse, anxiety, depression, and more can all affect a person’s sexual openness. In instances like these, seeking professional counselling is likely your best route.
The most important thing is to to not pressure her. Ever. Physically or emotionally.
Continue to communicate. And, continue to let her know you will love her whether or not oral sex ever becomes part of your sexual repertoire.