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Watching porn with your other

Burt Reynolds

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I've been with my girlfriend for almost four years now. Everything is going great. We are on the verge of buying a house this spring. The only place we really aren't on the same page is the marriage issue. She is four years older than me and wants to get married and start popping out kids like her friends.

Anyhow, our sex life is ok. She would say, "There's nothing wrong with it.". We both work all the time and lately it seems like she doesn't have a freaky bone in her body. We still bone every night but its more for the purpose of getting eachother off. I know I should do the candles, bath tub and massage thing. I do this every once in a while but it just leads to the same sex.

Lately I've been bringing up the idea of watching porn together. I've watched porn since I was a freshman in college; I had an awful dry spell of getting laid that year. Anyway I like it. She's never tried watching it and isn't very inclined to the idea. The conversation always boils down to, "I'm just not into sex as much as you are." This is really beginning to wear on me because it just reflects how stubborn she is. She hasn't even tried it and is already shutting the idea down. I know freakiness isn't what defines a relationship but God Damn, I'm feeling like a missionary lately.

I'm not asking for any help on this. I'm just writing down my gripes. I'd be interested to hear any feedback.
 

Burt Reynolds

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P.S. The other day she told me she would watch porn with me after I proposed to her. I got down on a knee, looked her in the eye and said, "Nice try."
 

Snooze

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I'm not quite sure buddy, but if your lady has her morals or standards, whatever you want to call it, I think you should respect them and continue to watch porn by yourself.

I would suggest stopping porn all together and focus on pleasing her, being more romantic and learn how to better "make love" rather than just "fuck." I used to watch porn like I watched TV, and I really did notice a desensitized and overall un-horny, gross feeling.
 

maelsukr

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Watching Porn with Other

Watching Porn with Other

P.S. The other day she told me she would watch porn with me after I proposed to her. I got down on a knee, looked her in the eye and said, "Nice try."
Good for you! Any time black-mail is used for any reason ,I'd think twice about the integrity of the person.
Personally, if I was going to be in relationship, long term, I'd hope they would be willing to experiment with me.
There's a lot more to pleasure than same old,same old. I'd want to get as much out of my body, with them as possible.:D
Guess I'm new-fashioned.
 

burt

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You are not compatible with this woman. You say your sex life is just OK, that's not good enough. Sounds to me like you two are sexually incompatible, with you having the higher sex drive and wanting to experiment. Also, you said she "wants to start popping out kids". I didn't hear you say YOU wanted kids. Sometimes people can give you a different perspective, because we can be objective. I've had many, many, friends that complain about their sex lives, (or lack of), that are married. Just yesterday, a very close friend of mine, who I've known for the last 15 years, told me how he is lucky to get laid once every 2 months now. He and his wife have been married 7 years now. They both have let themselves go...I mean really fat. Its so sad to see that people do this. Where is their pride? I would think long and hard, and do some soul-searching and ask yourself do you really want to be tied down to this woman??
 

Burt Reynolds

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Its not a matter of quantity, just quality. I'd just like her to try it. Who knows, maybe the visual stimulation will make her get her rocks off harder than ever. If we are going to be the only lay for eachother we will need to try new things to keep it interesting. Plus she might see something new she wants to try. Lately I've been asking her a lot of questions about her sexuality. I think its something she's never really explored.
 

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Hey man, watching porn or not, I would question where your relationship is going if the sex is already on the decline. I don't think a girl, or a guy for that matter, are in it for good unless they are willing to satisfy one another. You have your needs; she has hers, why is satisfying each other even a matter of debate? I'm not saying ditch her, I'm say take a step back and analyize your relationship. There are plenty of woman out there, most willing to watch porn with you, suck your dick, let you put it in her butt. Don't sell yourself short bud. It's life, there is no place in mine for people who don't live it. You can tough it out now, but next year are you going to be happy? How about in 5 years?

Dad
 

Burt Reynolds

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I don't want everyone to think I'm in a relationship like the dentist in the movie "The Hangover" here. We communicate so well in all other aspects of our relationship but this sexuality thing is like running into a wall. I just want to understand eachother in this one, very important (to me) aspect of our relationship.
 

pe_ZEN

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Ya dude you got it pretty good - I dated a girl who wouldn't let me do doggystyle! :/
 

Brock Landers

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I understand your dilemma. Obviously you two work because you've been together for four years but at the same time, something key to you is not happening. Instead of the romantic candles and massages why don't you buy her some erotic lingerie or suggest role play or a strip dance? Little things like that can lead to exciting things. Sugest a sexy photo shoot or video tapping yourselves and watching it together. I was with a girl who was pretty freaky but generally turned off by porn. However, one night after fucking for a long time (this is also another suggestion, take your time pleasing her and yourself as I think women loosen up and get little more freakier after lengthy sessions) i asked if she wanted to make a movie and she was very anxious. She thought it was very hot and watched it together after. Maybe doing something like that would get her started.
 

Brock Landers

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Theres another problem. I'm no relationship guru but I do know that people in general need to communicate. It seems like she hasn't even expressed to you what she is in to or any fantasies she might have. Try that. If you do her fantasy then maybe she'll feel a little more inclined to do one for you as well.
 

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It seems she is uncomfortable with porn. Constantly pushing it on her will just upset her even more. I would suggest calling around your area and finding out if there are any bed and breakfats facilities there. Or, make a few calls to the local hotels and see if any have some jacuzzis or oversized bathtubs in the rooms. Sometimes a new venue will do wonders. Order a bottle of her favorite wine or champagne and take your time, be romantic and then make love to her, NOT fuck her!! Good luck!!
 

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I don't want everyone to think I'm in a relationship like the dentist in the movie "The Hangover" here. We communicate so well in all other aspects of our relationship but this sexuality thing is like running into a wall. I just want to understand eachother in this one, very important (to me) aspect of our relationship.


OMG!!!! I just watched that movie last weekend............your analogy here Burt made me laugh so hard.............that dude's fiancee, wife or whatever she was was such a BITCH!

Anyway, back to your problem. Her unwillingness to watch porn isn't as big a deal to me as her statement to you "I'm just not as into sex as you are". Burt, if you think she is going to somehow change once you marry her, you are in for a rude awakening. I'm saying this because I married and divorced one EXACTLY LIKE HER! You feel like a missionary at times? Buddy, join the club. My ex would watch porn with me believe it or not BUT, the sex was so fucking mechanical it was almost ridiculous. I mean, sex for us was literally for 2 purposes: 1. procreation (we're got 2 daughters) and 2. to get each other off.

She was not romantic in the slightest. She didn't drink and wouldn't let her hair down to party or have fun. sh*t, I had MORE sex with my current ex girlfriend during the first 2 months of our relationship than my ex wife and I had our last year of being married. I'm not trying to disuade you from marrying this woman, but I am saying don't marry her expecting that somehow she's going to change and become this sexual diva in the bedroom who's somehow seen the light in terms of exploring her sexuality and getting all freaky deaky with you. How she is now is exactly how she's going to be once you two are married. Her attitude about sex will continue to be what it currently is after you are husband and wife.

Again, I'm not trying to talk you out of marrying her, but I am trying to give you a healthy dose of realism. I was married to a woman like that and for 7 years bro, my sex life remained in the toilet. About the only night I was guaranteed to get laid was Sunday night AND I was given a 20 minute time window whereby I had to be done in 20 minutes as she had a show on tv she wanted to see. God's honest truth. Towards the end, I was lucky I was getting it once a month and I didn't let myself go..........I work out 5 days a week and have a pretty good physique for 39 years old. Bottom line, I married the wrong woman.
 

Burt Reynolds

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That's funny what Nikki said about changing the venue. We always have freaky sex on vacation. I agree that this is a good way to set the mood but I don't want to go on vacation to watch porn. 99% of the time we bone its at our house; why not change the scene with a DVD?

I really think she just needs to explore her sexuality. She is a person who is controlled by thresholds. There have been many times I have pushed her to try something new and she admits to liking it afterward. When it comes to sex she is so much more guarded. Maybe I should buy a bottle of Jim Beam and shoot it with her until she's ready.

A few weeks ago she texted me at work saying she wanted to try it. I was so hard up I was short of breath. Nothing came of that. I guess all I can do is continue to throw different pitches and see which one sticks.
 

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Smart girl there.. She knows this is how it starts, first with the porn, then the demands for anal, then a threesome, then out come the chains and leather, and before you know it, illegal visits to the city morgue!! j/k
 

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Smart girl there.. She knows this is how it starts, first with the porn, then the demands for anal, then a threesome, then out come the chains and leather, and before you know it, illegal visits to the city morgue!! j/k

Givem an inch they take a mile.
 

Burt Reynolds

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believe me. When it comes to our sex life she expends very little energy and devotion. Since I've been out of school and we've both been working full-time 90% of the time we do it is right before we go to bed with the lights off. I recently confronted her on this and her response was the same. She always sarcasticly says "I guess I'm just a prude.". Tonight is New Years Eve and I have been very vocal about changing our sex life lately so we will see what happens.
 

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In my experience there is no way to "inspire" interest in sex if it isn't there. I'm female, and I've have had two long-term relationships with men where I lost interest in sex after a while. In both cases I really wanted that sex drive to come back, but I couldn't make it happen -- I simply wasn't interested in sex with that partner anymore. It didn't happen all at once, but gradually over time, and it wasn't anything I did on purpose. I was never happy about it and would have changed it if I could so as to please my partner (and myself, I love sex). It clearly had to do with the chemistry between me and the man because my sex drive later came back with a vengeance with a new partner.

As for relationships and sex, I can tell you from the female perspective it is possible to have a good, long term relationship without sex. I'm not sure if that is possible for a guy unless you are older, but I think it just depends on where you are in your life and what you want. If you are compatible in other ways and can be content with what you have, go for it. But don't expect your woman to change. Even if she wants to, she may not be able to. You may want to try to talk candidly about this if you can. Regardless, putting pressure on her is not likely to help the situation.
 

Burt Reynolds

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We have sex almost every day so I hope she's not out of interest with me. I just want to change it up but she is so resistant to change in general. She has no problem telling me what she wants so I feel like it's time for me to do the same. If it works good. If not I'm 24 so my life is still ahead of me.