Love My Girlfriend But She’s Getting Fat

closed251

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Regarding the other women aspect of your concern then I would suggest you go to a pub. You'll find guys in there 50's never married and no kids, on there own.

You see you can go after a new woman each time one turns their head for you but eventually they will stop (as you get older) and all the good women will be most likely be taken.

I've met many men like this, not that many are happy in their current circumstances. Peter pan syndrome.
 

TomFoolery

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Don't know if this will help but try to gently introduce the idea of portion control. My wife and I turned vegetarian about a year and a half ago, but we still hold on to a bit of weight due to portion control. That may be a contributing factor.

I'd like wife to lose a couple lbs too and tone up a bit here and there. 😋
 

TheGreatDivider

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I've met many men like this [in there 50's never married and no kids, on there own], not that many are happy in their current circumstances. Peter pan syndrome.
Except now they call themselves Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) and they try to convince themselves that avoiding romantic relationships, while disparaging women based on generalizations and stereotypes, and filling that gap with hobbies and meaningless sex is somehow freedom instead of being sad and pathetic.

It's basically the mirror image of radical feminism for divorced and heartbroken men, except instead of getting their act together and healing and starting over they fixate on a the power dynamics in relationships and how women are only after money through one sided relationships or alimony and child support.

So if it wasn't bad enough before seeing these 50 men alone at the bar with no one to love them, now they are trying to convince younger men to adopt their Peter Pan lifestyle. It's really sad when you see it in person but they are the minority in a village full of drunken idiots.
 

MAG5

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She can get 15lbs off within 5 weeks. You shouldn't let that end your relationship.

Fact - women's weight fluctuate a lot more than mens. The knee op, stress and living at home would of done it easy.

I'm pretty sure once you are living together things will righten out naturally.

Yeah, I think they will too. I’ll find out soon
 

Dr Nemo

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Except now they call themselves Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) and they try to convince themselves that avoiding romantic relationships, while disparaging women based on generalizations and stereotypes, and filling that gap with hobbies and meaningless sex is somehow freedom instead of being sad and pathetic.

It's basically the mirror image of radical feminism for divorced and heartbroken men, except instead of getting their act together and healing and starting over they fixate on a the power dynamics in relationships and how women are only after money through one sided relationships or alimony and child support.

So if it wasn't bad enough before seeing these 50 men alone at the bar with no one to love them, now they are trying to convince younger men to adopt their Peter Pan lifestyle. It's really sad when you see it in person but they are the minority in a village full of drunken idiots.

Well said. Pure narcissism.
 

CUSP82

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The very fact that you are considering ending your relationship with her because she's gaining weight means you really never loved her at all.Let her go and be happy with someone who'll take her as she is.
 

Dangler

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<snipped>

And she wants to lose weight too. I don’t have to convince her at all. It should be relatively easy. She loves to workout. I told her we can workout together more, I can cook for her and have her meal so ready to take to work, we can set a deadline together and do it to get her and keep each other accountable.

Should the team effort work, so you both are satisfied, your relationship will have been enriched. I like that path.
 

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Should the team effort work, so you both are satisfied, your relationship will have been enriched. I like that path.


I agree. Once you get in shape, it’s easier to stay in shape, it’s just getting there that’s tough. She’ll get there. Once we move in together, I feel very confident everything will fall into place. She’ll be happier seeing me every day and she’ll be very close to work. Having to do her own cooking now and me cooking for her instead of eating whatever her dad makes will help. Me doing it with her will help. Getting out of her parents house I’m sure will have her back to her precious routine she had at the gym. When she moved back to her parents, her drive to work went from 20 minutes to about 50-60 minutes, so she had to get up at 4 AM if she wanted to fit in time to workout, which resulted in her half-assing her workouts. Now that she’s 10 min from work, she can sleep more, and a shorter drive is way less stressful.

I’ll keep you guys updated months from now. I feel bad and so shallow that i even considered breaking up with her over it, but attraction isn’t my choice, and fat isn’t attractive to most people.
 

domnus

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It's only natural that a man wants his gf/wife to look their best. Being a body builder, you know that when you are fit you feel better. The fact that you are considering ending the relationship with a woman you say you care and love so much is a bit shallow but at least you admit and own that personality trait within yourself.
She has plenty of reasons as to why she has put on the weight (knee surgery, moving back in with parents, a much longer commute and all the stress that goes along with those things).
She seems willing to shed the weight and you say she loves to work out.
Are you willing to work on bettering yourself to save the relationship if she finds some flaw in you that she doesn't like?
 

MAG5

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It's only natural that a man wants his gf/wife to look their best. Being a body builder, you know that when you are fit you feel better. The fact that you are considering ending the relationship with a woman you say you care and love so much is a bit shallow but at least you admit and own that personality trait within yourself.
She has plenty of reasons as to why she has put on the weight (knee surgery, moving back in with parents, a much longer commute and all the stress that goes along with those things).
She seems willing to shed the weight and you say she loves to work out.
Are you willing to work on bettering yourself to save the relationship if she finds some flaw in you that she doesn't like?

Yeah definitely. I’d work on anything she pointed out she felt like I needed to work on. But she’s never mentioned anything.
 

Dance Sucka

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MAG, I'm 26 and just got out of a long term relationship. My ex gained weight during our relationship and it didn't bother me at all, because I still thought she was beautiful and I loved her body because it was her's. It did bother me that she was upset about gaining weight, but that's something anybody has to decide to work on themselves (with a partner's support, of course!)

Since she loves you so much, maybe you can convince her that she needs to lose weight, and if nothing changes, you might have to consider finding a more attractive girlfriend. Give her the motivation, since she already seems willing to do anything for you. It's also being honest with her to be upfront instead of feeling bad about it and asking strangers on a penis forum for advice. Maybe this is easier than you think!
 

jockinthebox

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...after reading through the entire thread, I'd just say that at 25, your maturity level & narcissistic tendencies are about "average" for a male (in the US). We ALL have our own levels of self-control (or lack thereof) which are influenced by maturity & experience throughout our lives. A few lbs on your mate are likely a bigger deal at your age than they will be when you're 35 or 40.

Oh and those "HOTTER" women you say are constantly texting you?...Don't count on them doing that once your "available again" by dropping your current GF!:bad: That's commonly referred to among eligible females as a "Male COMMITMENT TEST"! It happens to almost every guy who gets engaged or is committed to a female, especially in your 20's. They're more interested in determining your sincerity and whether or not you'll cheat than they are in having sex with you 99% of the time.:bad: Don't be foolish Bro, ...the grass is rarely always "greener" on the other side of the fence...just sayin'...
 

MAG5

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...after reading through the entire thread, I'd just say that at 25, your maturity level & narcissistic tendencies are about "average" for a male (in the US). We ALL have our own levels of self-control (or lack thereof) which are influenced by maturity & experience throughout our lives. A few lbs on your mate are likely a bigger deal at your age than they will be when you're 35 or 40.

Oh and those "HOTTER" women you say are constantly texting you?...Don't count on them doing that once your "available again" by dropping your current GF!:bad: That's commonly referred to among eligible females as a "Male COMMITMENT TEST"! It happens to almost every guy who gets engaged or is committed to a female, especially in your 20's. They're more interested in determining your sincerity and whether or not you'll cheat than they are in having sex with you 99% of the time.:bad: Don't be foolish Bro, ...the grass is rarely always "greener" on the other side of the fence...just sayin'...

That’s true about the hotter women. I’ve seen threads on here and other sites where a girl went after a guy while he was in a relationship and when he was done with the relationship she wanted nothing to do with him. I think they may even see it as more of an accomplishment hooking up with a guy in a relationship. One of the girls messaging me was even shitty enough to message me multiple times after I told her “No sorry, I could never cheat on her” she just continued with “Oh c’min, it’ll be fun, just once;)

That right there from her shows she’s not relationship material at all. And the huge majority of women aren’t relationship material, but my GF is the most relationship material one I’ve ever come across, besides one other girl I can think of where things just didn’t work out.
 

rudebwoy

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Women leave men all the time if they lose their job or aren't earning as much as they would like, if a girl puts on alot of weight & isn't dedicated to taking it off it's only going to get worse with age & time. I say discuss with her in a supportive way & give it some time, if she is happy with her new size & doesn't care to change then i don't think you can change her, either learn to live with it or move on, alot of men cheat because of this reason & i don't support cheating so yea.
 
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MAG5

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Women leave men all the time if they lose their job or aren't earning as much as they would like, if a girl puts on alot of weight & isn't dedicated to taking it off it's only going to get worse with age & time. I say discuss with her in a supportive way & give it some time, if she is happy with her new size & doesn't care to change then i don't think you can change her, either learn to live with it or move on, alot of men cheat because of this reason & i don't support cheating so yea.

She’s not happy about it. She wants to lose it. She told me she thinks she’s been cheated on in her past two relationships because of her body. Yeah, that’s one of the things I was worried about to...it only getting worse as she gets older, it’s not like she’s 18-20. But I’ll see. I’ll give it time, see if things get better or if she doesn’t change, maybe I’ll come to accept. But if she doesn’t change, and I just can’t get over it, I won’t have a choice but to break up with her. But damn that’ll be tough breaking up with someone I love if it comes to that, which I don’t believe it will, but ya never know
 

TheZZMan

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She’s not happy about it. She wants to lose it. She told me she thinks she’s been cheated on in her past two relationships because of her body. Yeah, that’s one of the things I was worried about to...it only getting worse as she gets older, it’s not like she’s 18-20. But I’ll see. I’ll give it time, see if things get better or if she doesn’t change, maybe I’ll come to accept. But if she doesn’t change, and I just can’t get over it, I won’t have a choice but to break up with her. But damn that’ll be tough breaking up with someone I love if it comes to that, which I don’t believe it will, but ya never know

Really? You would sacrifice someone whom you know to be true to you, devoted to you, loves you, over physical appearance. No offense, but you are not much of a partner, you are indeed self centered.

Know that everyone ages and changes, our appearance will alter the older we get. What doesn't change is the person within. You already love that person within and who she is overall. Accept her for who she is and be thankful that you have found her. Stop dwelling on the superficial outer looks - true deep joy is found in the person, not necessarily the presentation. You my friend, have a once in a lifetime gal here that you are playing because of a few pounds. Think strongly about your actions, you may regret them down the road.
 

BU_Terrier7x6

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Know that everyone ages and changes, our appearance will alter the older we get. What doesn't change is the person within. You already love that person within and who she is overall. Accept her for who she is and be thankful that you have found her. Stop dwelling on the superficial outer looks - true deep joy is found in the person, not necessarily the presentation.
Well articulated, ZZ.

I have a different factor in that I'm gay. Dating and relationships involved a degree of comparing myself to whom I was with at the time. Sometimes I would "win" in categories like height, athleticism, running pace while others I would "lose" such as cock size and hairy chest. Even though I am married now, I still compare myself to my husband with lean musculature, furry legs and stomach, and cock and balls for days.

I can't think of a single physical trait of my husband's that could change that would compel me to question whether we needed to seek marriage counseling. We met when I was passed out at a club in Orlando, he woke me up and offered his spare bed to me. What I thought would be a fun story to share with my buddies turned into a committed marriage because he is more than what his body is.

I need to be physically attracted to someone if I am going to have slutty, meaningless sex.
I need to be emotionally and mentally -- and then physically -- attracted to someone if I am going to entertain a relationship.

That's just me, though.
 

sexmaster

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How did it work out?

Besides attractiveness, the issue is that if she didn't want to work on her body it's a value problem as well. I couldn't commit to a woman who's not respecting her body to be honest.
But it's not the case, so it's rather your job to help her get back to a healthy routine and support her if she goes through on a tougher period.
 

CFG

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My wife has put on a good ten pounds since we started dating over 7yrs ago but so have I. Im 25 and she's 24. I personally love the way her body looks now.

My job is very physical so I stay pretty lean and fit and want to get back to what I used to be so my job isn't as hard. My wife also doesn't like that she's gained weight so we do try to workout together and eat right and I fully support her in wanting to lose weight. Then again we're trying to start a family and I don't see the point cause I know she's gonna gain alot once she's pregnant but that's alright.

However I'm one that loves her with what I call her "extra lovin" I see it as more to love and personally would rather have a woman with cellulite vs a six pack. Just seems more natural to me. But I also prefer a woman with a bush vs shaved also so I have a more old school look on things and life in general

If she really is that great of a person I wouldn't let her go. 15lbs is really nothing to lose and definitely shouldn't be a deal breaker.