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Love My Girlfriend But She’s Getting Fat

MAG5

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Title says it all. I understand as we get older our bodies change but we aren’t at that age yet. I really love her. Personality wise and who she is as a person, the way she treats me, how kind and thoughtful she is, how low maintenance she is, how grateful she is for even the smallest things, how easily entertained she is, I can’t ask for much more out of girls in terms of how she is as a person.
Even very attractive in the face and her face doesn’t really put on any fat. Just her body. Weird thing is, she’s in the gym 5-6 days a week and it’s pretty well. We don’t live together right now so I don’t know if she’s eating crap when I’m not around. Some people just struggle with this more than others too.

Meanwhile I have these younger women who are really hot, really nice bodies, but I don’t know them well, so I don’t know anything about who they are as person, but they’re messaging me basically just begging to hang out. But that amazing body and all doesn’t mean sh*t if your personality sucks and you’re aren’t fun to be around.

I do really love my girlfriend, but I can admit I’m very shallow and superficial. My girlfriend has so much potential too if she could lose the weight. Cause she’s decently muscular and has great shape to her body (nice boobs, wide hips, big butt) but it’s all becoming too much.

I really don’t even know what I’m asking here, venting I guess, and I guess just curious how many of you have also had to deal with it and how you handled it.

I’m a bodybuilder, so I have a competition last weekend of July. We then have a big Europe trip starting in September and her and I are moving in together in about 3 weeks. So her and I have decided to get lean and lose weight together, me for my competition, her for our vacation which is around the same time. I do believe once her and I move in together, she’ll start losing weight. I can cook for her, and I eat very well, so if she sees what I’m eating, then she won’t want to eat bad and won’t want to eat more than me. And I can help her stay on track


Has anyone broken up with their gf over weight gain??
 

closed251

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I think you should talk to her kindly.

Say how health and fitness are so important to you and that you have noticed the weight gain. See what she says.

Do not under any circumstance mention the other girls wanting to hang out with you.

If she seems to be eating reasonable, a blood test maybe needed for conditions like pcos, thyroid etc
 

Sticke

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Title says it all. I understand as we get older our bodies change but we aren’t at that age yet. I really love her. Personality wise and who she is as a person, the way she treats me, how kind and thoughtful she is, how low maintenance she is, how grateful she is for even the smallest things, how easily entertained she is, I can’t ask for much more out of girls in terms of how she is as a person.
Even very attractive in the face and her face doesn’t really put on any fat. Just her body. Weird thing is, she’s in the gym 5-6 days a week and it’s pretty well. We don’t live together right now so I don’t know if she’s eating crap when I’m not around. Some people just struggle with this more than others too.

Meanwhile I have these younger women who are really hot, really nice bodies, but I don’t know them well, so I don’t know anything about who they are as person, but they’re messaging me basically just begging to hang out. But that amazing body and all doesn’t mean sh*t if your personality sucks and you’re aren’t fun to be around.

I do really love my girlfriend, but I can admit I’m very shallow and superficial. My girlfriend has so much potential too if she could lose the weight. Cause she’s decently muscular and has great shape to her body (nice boobs, wide hips, big butt) but it’s all becoming too much.

I really don’t even know what I’m asking here, venting I guess, and I guess just curious how many of you have also had to deal with it and how you handled it.

I’m a bodybuilder, so I have a competition last weekend of July. We then have a big Europe trip starting in September and her and I are moving in together in about 3 weeks. So her and I have decided to get lean and lose weight together, me for my competition, her for our vacation which is around the same time. I do believe once her and I move in together, she’ll start losing weight. I can cook for her, and I eat very well, so if she sees what I’m eating, then she won’t want to eat bad and won’t want to eat more than me. And I can help her stay on track


Has anyone broken up with their gf over weight gain??
As our lovely Tara said (you are a wizard here) don't even mention the other women. Why would you even broken up? I mean I would still want to be with my gf even if she was 10 kilos higher(she is curvy so yeah that 10 kilos would make her fat, I love her body). Being together and seeing you eat clean will make her do the same, maybe she is too bored to cook a nutritious meal, show her some of your recipes just to teach her, don't mention about the weight in my opinion because i am 90% sure she will follow your cut, but if she doesn't then tell her. She sounds like a great woman, don't lose her over some fatty tissue :D
 

MAG5

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I think you should talk to her kindly.

Say how health and fitness are so important to you and that you have noticed the weight gain. See what she says.

Do not under any circumstance mention the other girls wanting to hang out with you.

If she seems to be eating reasonable, a blood test maybe needed for conditions like pcos, thyroid etc

Oh yeah of course. I’d never bring up the other women. Health and fitness is very important to her. Which is why I’m so confused about her weight. She works out 5-6 days a week and eats well, for the most part. I only see her 2 times a week right now so she might be eating crap. But she had a lot happen all it once. She was recovering from a knee surgery and moved back in with her parents all at once. So i think that through her out of her routine, she was more stressed cause now instead of a 15-20 min drive to work, it was an hour, instead of preparing her own food, she ate whatever her dad made.

I love her and it actually brings me to tears to imagine life without her, seriously. We are moving in together in 3 weeks, which I’m very excited for. And yeah, i think her seeing me eat and me cooking for her, and now being less stressed with only a 10 min drive to work instead of an hour, so she can get more sleep to, and be happier in her own new place will change a lot. Definitely not breaking up with her.

Basically just seeing who else has experienced this, howd they approach it, what was the outcome
 

MAG5

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As our lovely Tara said (you are a wizard here) don't even mention the other women. Why would you even broken up? I mean I would still want to be with my gf even if she was 10 kilos higher(she is curvy so yeah that 10 kilos would make her fat, I love her body). Being together and seeing you eat clean will make her do the same, maybe she is too bored to cook a nutritious meal, show her some of your recipes just to teach her, don't mention about the weight in my opinion because i am 90% sure she will follow your cut, but if she doesn't then tell her. She sounds like a great woman, don't lose her over some fatty tissue :D

Yeah, I think she’ll follow my lead when we move in together. In the gym too. I love a curvier women too for sure. I find nothing attractive about thin girls. A curvy body is what looks feminine. But it’s getting to the point where it beyond the “thick” type that I love, and turning into being overweight
 

closed251

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... But it’s getting to the point where it beyond the “thick” type that I love, and turning into being overweight

Then it's best to address it now. It will be much easier for your gf to lose a stone rather than 5 stones.
 

MAG5

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Then it's best to address it now. It will be much easier for your gf to lose a stone rather than 5 stones.

Already have. She was pretty upset. But she got excited when I said we can do it together and keep each other accountable and set a deadline together and how I can cook her meals for her to pack to work. I’m going to give it time. Basically I guess till the end of this deadline, and if it’s still bothering me and I haven’t come to accept it and just get used to it, then I really won’t have much of choice then to end it, but boy will that be tough. Hopefully that’s not what it comes down to.
 

Dr Nemo

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If she seems to be eating reasonable

Eating reasonable is eminently sensible. It's delicious, after all. I like mine medium rare. Hee heee... :)

To the OP: I have always found that some people aren't aware of their snacking, food choices, etc., particularly when stressed/busy, even if they understand intellectually.

My wife started using a calorie tracker app, and she was absolutely floored by how much that handful of pistachios are that she eats while working, that half bagel, those 10 gummy bears she has in the afternoon during a conference call, and so on...AND how they all those add up, day by day, week by week. Math is weird that way - and, admittedly, annoying, lol.

That way, you don't have to be the annoying diet nazi - she can see for herself. (Start to pretend to use one and say hey, look at this, I had no idea. Try it..etc)

The other thing is the power of intermittent fasting: I'm sure you're well versed in how to use it; my wife in the beginning (she's very fit but has at times strayed into a less-than ideal body comp) had a hard time not having breakfast until noon (diabetes runs in her family; poor blood sugar control, etc.) - but she quickly got used to it and now frequently eats only one meal a day. And she looks - and even more importantly FEELS - great.






.
 
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iiimegamaniii

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You're thinking this and at the point of moving in with each other? What if the weight comes off and then back on again once you are co-habituating?

Sorry--I'm in a 20+ year marriage and my wife could stand to lose some weight but can't imagine ending things because of it. Just trying to help shine the light on yourself and be aware your feelings / actions are going to impact another person who cares for you (and you her).

- Mega
 

MAG5

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Is there something going on in her life that's bothering her?

Yeah. She makes very very good money, but it’s stressful. And last November when she was recovering from her knee surgery, which put her out of the gym for a couple months, she also moved back in with her parents after living with her best friend as a roommate. They’re still friends, wasn’t a bad reason they moved apart. Moving back to her parents made her drive to work about an hour long. Before it was like 20 min. Just all that happening at once I think through her off. Her routine. She used to be at the gym more regularly and hit harder, she prepped all her meals everyday. Once she moved back in with her dad, she stopped prepping meals, ate whatever he cooked, even more stressed since now her drive to work went from 20 min to 50-60 min. So then she has to be up at 4 AM, Monday through Friday.

I think moving back in with me will improve everything. She’ll be much happier, she can get back to a routine, packing her meals, i can even cook for her, if she sees me eating the way I do, she’ll want to eat like that too, she’ll be more consistent with her workouts I’m sure, and now instead of a 50-60 min drive to work, it’ll be 10 minutes, and her getting to see me everyday instead of only on weekends will make her much much happier so probably less stressed too.

And this is big, she got blood work last week, I asked her how it went. She said everything was good but they said go get her thyroid checked. As I’m sure most of you know, if your thyroid levels are too low, that’s hypothyroidism, which means easier to put on weight, harder to lose weight. She didn’t tell me this till i asked just literally like 45 min sgo
 

TheGreatDivider

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How much sleep is she getting?
 

MAG5

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How much sleep is she getting?

Not much. ~5 hours. It’s probably a combination of a lot of things. I know that much. Lack of sleep, stress, higher cortisol levels, higher cortisol levels, easier weight gain, harder to lose it.

I’m going to give it a lot of time. I just don’t think I could break up with her for a reason like that. It would be very very difficult to find a girl like her again that looks as good as she does and with her personality and type of person she is. She has great facial features, amazing eyes. The fat goes to her body. But with how kind she is, how thoughtful, smart, athletic, doesn’t drink, doesn’t party, not slutty, never has been into the part scene (commuted and lived at home for college) she rather stay inside and cuddle up and watch a good movie and wake up feeling good and hit the gym the next morning, she’s not one of the super popular girls that knows everyone and hangs out with tons of guys, she has like 2 close friends, her social media isn’t flooded with selfies, she actually doesn’t even wear make up and still looks as good as she she does, very very low maintenance, so easy to entertain (I could literally probably just say, “hey you wanna go outside and play tag?” As a joke of course, but she’d have a big smile on her face and say how much fun it sounds and find a way to make it fun) she makes very good money and she knows I’ve struggled with money (jsut got a great new job so I’m about 9-12 months I’ll be well off) and she’s paid for sooo much of my stuff. She’ll randomly text me saying how grateful she is i came into her life and how she would have never expected something (me) this great to happen to her. The sexual compatibility is amazing and it jsut felt right he first time and still very time we have sex. We’ll have sex, she’ll go make me food, bring it to me in bed, then give me a massage. If she had a great body I’d have it all.
 

TheGreatDivider

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Not much. ~5 hours. It’s probably a combination of a lot of things. I know that much. Lack of sleep, stress, higher cortisol levels, higher cortisol levels, easier weight gain, harder to lose it.
Well no wonder her hormones are out of wack. She's stress eating like a college kid during finals week who's trying to get into medical school. Stop blaming her situation and look for ways you can help her get some more sleep before her health really suffers.

I’m going to give it a lot of time. I just don’t think I could break up with her for a reason like that. It would be very very difficult to find a girl like her again that looks as good as she does and with her personality and type of person she is. She has great facial features, amazing eyes. The fat goes to her body. But with how kind she is, how thoughtful, smart, athletic, doesn’t drink, doesn’t party, not slutty, never has been into the part scene (commuted and lived at home for college) she rather stay inside and cuddle up and watch a good movie and wake up feeling good and hit the gym the next morning, she’s not one of the super popular girls that knows everyone and hangs out with tons of guys, she has like 2 close friends, her social media isn’t flooded with selfies, she actually doesn’t even wear make up and still looks as good as she she does, very very low maintenance, so easy to entertain (I could literally probably just say, “hey you wanna go outside and play tag?” As a joke of course, but she’d have a big smile on her face and say how much fun it sounds and find a way to make it fun) she makes very good money and she knows I’ve struggled with money (jsut got a great new job so I’m about 9-12 months I’ll be well off) and she’s paid for sooo much of my stuff. She’ll randomly text me saying how grateful she is i came into her life and how she would have never expected something (me) this great to happen to her. The sexual compatibility is amazing and it jsut felt right he first time and still very time we have sex. We’ll have sex, she’ll go make me food, bring it to me in bed, then give me a massage. If she had a great body I’d have it all.
She sounds like my girlfriend. Lots of fun, very funny, super cute adorkable type, but also gaining weight from stress and too much adulting by herself. We both are, which is why I bought us Fitbits and started working out again.

Dude, you gotta relax. If you know anything about women you can't make them do anything they don't want to do on their own. And the more the push the more they will resist or look for someone who isn't so stressful. It's like owning a cat, you don't train them make them do anything. You let them come to you, reward them, and ignore their catty behavior. You're not going to get anywhere by pushing your girlfriend to workout, especially if she's always exhausted and rewarding herself the food. The only thing that's going to do is piss her off and make her want to not spent time with you.

If you know anything about relationships when you push a woman you get resistance. You can't force her to do anything without creating resentment and hurt feelings, nor can you get her to do what you want by bringing up th issue repeatedly and constantly beating a dead horse. You say what you want ONCE and the drop it, anything after that is going to annoy her. And at this point I would tell you to go do your own thing and let her decide if she want to get into shape herself.

I would ask you if you even want to be in a relationship with her. Because it sounds like you're getting pretty serious and you're making excuses for why would want to be with her like you're scared of commitment. It sounds like you're looking for that one excuse for why she isn't perfect for you and overlooking everything else. I'm going tont ll you right now, fat or fit, you got a great girl. Don't fuck it up because she got a little bit too overweight for you right now.... She could drop the weight later on or drop you, the choice is yours.
 

MAG5

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Well no wonder her hormones are out of wack. She's stress eating like a college kid during finals week who's trying to get into medical school. Stop blaming her situation and look for ways you can help her get some more sleep before her health really suffers.


She sounds like my girlfriend. Lots of fun, very funny, super cute adorkable type, but also gaining weight from stress and too much adulting by herself. We both are, which is why I bought us Fitbits and started working out again.

Dude, you gotta relax. If you know anything about women you can't make them do anything they don't want to do on their own. And the more the push the more they will resist or look for someone who isn't so stressful. It's like owning a cat, you don't train them make them do anything. You let them come to you, reward them, and ignore their catty behavior. You're not going to get anywhere by pushing your girlfriend to workout, especially if she's always exhausted and rewarding herself the food. The only thing that's going to do is piss her off and make her want to not spent time with you.

If you know anything about relationships when you push a woman you get resistance. You can't force her to do anything without creating resentment and hurt feelings, nor can you get her to do what you want by bringing up th issue repeatedly and constantly beating a dead horse. You say what you want ONCE and the drop it, anything after that is going to annoy her. And at this point I would tell you to go do your own thing and let her decide if she want to get into shape herself.

I would ask you if you even want to be in a relationship with her. Because it sounds like you're getting pretty serious and you're making excuses for why would want to be with her like you're scared of commitment. It sounds like you're looking for that one excuse for why she isn't perfect for you and overlooking everything else. I'm going tont ll you right now, fat or fit, you got a great girl. Don't fuck it up because she got a little bit too overweight for you right now.... She could drop the weight later on or drop you, the choice is yours.

Yeah, all good points. I was thinking too, if I broke up with her for a more in shape girl, that break up might motivate the hell out of her and I might be really regret it months down the road If I look back and see she got in great shape afterwards. Meanwhile that in shape girls could get fat in 3-4 years

And she wants to lose weight too. I don’t have to convince her at all. It should be relatively easy. She loves to workout. I told her we can workout together more, I can cook for her and have her meal so ready to take to work, we can set a deadline together and do it to get her and keep each other accountable.
 

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Yeah, all good points. I was thinking too, if I broke up with her for a more in shape girl, that break up might motivate the hell out of her and I might be really regret it months down the road If I look back and see she got in great shape afterwards. Meanwhile that in shape girls could get fat in 3-4 years

And she wants to lose weight too. I don’t have to convince her at all. It should be relatively easy. She loves to workout. I told her we can workout together more, I can cook for her and have her meal so ready to take to work, we can set a deadline together and do it to get her and keep each other accountable.
The fact that you're even considering dumping her for her weight should be a red flag to you that maybe you should let her go. If her weight bothers you that much then don't set her up for failure by making your relationship conditional, in that you will break up with her unless she diets down to X amount of weight by a certain date. You either accept her for how she is or you move on, and if looks are this important to you then you may be with the wrong person.

You are coming off as a very narcissistic person in how you describe her as needing to get in shape to meet your needs, what she can do for you, and how little you've acknowledged her feelings. I know you say you want to help her but how much of this is really want you want?

I don't know if anyone has asked you this but how fat is she? Are we talking about a 15lb weight gain or massive 50+ pound tons-o-fun full out weight gain here?
 

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Title says it all. I understand as we get older our bodies change but we aren’t at that age yet. I really love her. Personality wise and who she is as a person, the way she treats me, how kind and thoughtful she is, how low maintenance she is, how grateful she is for even the smallest things, how easily entertained she is, I can’t ask for much more out of girls in terms of how she is as a person.
Even very attractive in the face and her face doesn’t really put on any fat. Just her body. Weird thing is, she’s in the gym 5-6 days a week and it’s pretty well. ..
.

I do really love my girlfriend, but I can admit I’m very shallow and superficial. My girlfriend has so much potential too if she could lose the weight. Cause she’s decently muscular and has great shape to her body (nice boobs, wide hips, big butt) but it’s all becoming too much.

I really don’t even know what I’m asking here, venting I guess, and I guess just curious how many of you have also had to deal with it and how you handled it.

...

Has anyone broken up with their gf over weight gain??

Looking at all of the posts I have to wonder...
She exercises, is has great shape, eats well, etc.

...is it possible that the "weight gain" is just your own misgivings manifesting themselves as a problem? Maybe cold feet about moving in with her? You mention other women, which to me is a big warning sign.

How much of this weight gain problem is real and how much is in your head?
 

MAG5

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The fact that you're even considering dumping her for her weight should be a red flag to you that maybe you should let her go. If her weight bothers you that much then don't set her up for failure by making your relationship conditional, in that you will break up with her unless she diets down to X amount of weight by a certain date. You either accept her for how she is or you move on, and if looks are this important to you then you may be with the wrong person.

You are coming off as a very narcissistic person in how you describe her as needing to get in shape to meet your needs, what she can do for you, and how little you've acknowledged her feelings. I know you say you want to help her but how much of this is really want you want?

I don't know if anyone has asked you this but how fat is she? Are we talking about a 15lb weight gain or massive 50+ pound tons-o-fun full out weight gain here?

Just the thought of breaking up with her nearly brings me to tears just thinking about it. Seriously. But yeah like 15lb. She was already a thicker woman to begin with, which I love, but it’s gone from thick to over weight.
 

MAG5

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Looking at all of the posts I have to wonder...
She exercises, is has great shape, eats well, etc.

...is it possible that the "weight gain" is just your own misgivings manifesting themselves as a problem? Maybe cold feet about moving in with her? You mention other women, which to me is a big warning sign.

How much of this weight gain problem is real and how much is in your head?

It might take me a bit longer to get over the other women part. I’m not used to this. I’m 25, been with a lot of girls so far in my life, around 40ish. I’m used to sleeping with a bunch of different women whenever I want, all so good looking. But I’m so so picky and shallow/superficial to the point that at 25, this is my first relationship. So it’s different for me to have these really attractive girls messaging me wanting to hang out and me saying no, I’m not used to that. So no matter who my GF was, Ithink this “other girls” thing would still be distracting.
 

closed251

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She can get 15lbs off within 5 weeks. You shouldn't let that end your relationship.

Fact - women's weight fluctuate a lot more than mens. The knee op, stress and living at home would of done it easy.

I'm pretty sure once you are living together things will righten out naturally.