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How old does constant need for praise/validation get to women?

drISlittle

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So, this is my first post I've made in awhile but, I'm not entirely comfortable discussing this with anyone I know so I'm posting it here. I can now admit that I am perpetually and irrationally insecure, and probably nothing any women could say or do will change it, the change needs to come from within, and well, with where I'm at atm, it doesn't seem likely that it will change. I'll preface this with a bit of backstory.

I had gone 4 years without sex until recently, in summer of last year. I had a pretty posh job, was finally looking great again, was in pretty mediocre shape but better than what I was. I went on Tinder Bumble, and a few other dating apps, and starting meeting some girls. The max I've ever measured was 7.2 inches in length, when I was 17-19 years old, so 10-12 years ago, and my max girth was 6.2 that I can recall, which I more or less confirmed when I measured my semi at nearly 6 inches around, not even at its thickest. I think your penis shrinks a bit with age, so I'd say I'm around 6-6.5 most of the time, combined with me being a bit chubby.

The first girl I slept with loved it, said I had a beautiful dick, that I was the biggest she'd been with (i was only her 4th guy), and she would orgasm like crazy. I don't know for sure if it was a lie or not, but it seemed like she came like 10-12 times the 2nd time we slept together. She was a lovely experience after 4 years of no sex, so kind and understand and made me feel so at ease. I'm not sure its possible for a girl to cum that many times in 30-45 minutes, is it? She was so into it though, she wasn't faking that at least. She also said yeah she actually came that many times, and tbh some of the noises she made were actually kinda unattractive so, i donno why she'd feel the need to fake that.

The next girl I was with immediately commented on my thickness, and said it was amazing. You'd think with all these compliments and validation it would be doing wonders but I still had doubts. So I'm on tinder and low and behold I see someone I recognize. An actual porn star. I'd seen her on plenty of fish like 5 years ago but assumed it was fake. Anyway, I super like her and she actually responds. We start talking and it was more like an interview. She's retired, has kids, doesn't want her time wasted, etc etc. It was honestly an interrogation more like. Anyways, we got along reasonably so I got her facebook and we talked there. We got along really well and surprisingly it was actually her. My god. HUGE boobs! Biggest I've ever seen, they were like the softest pillows.

We got along really well and ended up sleeping together at her place the 2nd time we hung out. We had great chemistry, and she came just from penetration in 5 minutes. Surprisingly leading up to this I had zero insecurity about her having slept with other guys that were probably a fair bit bigger than me. I asked her so how was that, and kinda asked about my size and she said well you could honestly be longer but you're a bit chubby atm, so it might get longer, and that I was really really thick, she was staring at it afterwards for awhile, great feeling.

The next girl said I had the thickest cock she'd ever seen, and I ended up sleeping with her 3 days after our first phone conversation, in a hotel, with no protection and this muslim girl let me nut in her. Crazy man. What a nympho. She didn't finish though, she's one of those girls that doesn't finish from penetration. I wondered if I had been the same thickness but like 3 inches longer if maybe I coulda made her, never know I guess.

So, after going 4 years with no sex, you'd think this would stick, give me confidence, but the truth is it hasn't at all. I'm still scared, worried, ready to be rejected by the next person I sleep with, or worry that in secret, they aren't satisfied, wish I was bigger, or better in bed. Its irrational, I know I should be happy but it just doesn't stick. My self esteem is still nil and I know its a me problem. I know that likely I'd need constant reinforcement and praise and validation in a long term relationship to feel like I am indeed enough. I'm very giving and passionate, when I'm in love I tell my girl she's beautiful every day, with no prompts. I'm just worried eventually a girl will grow tired of this. Or worse, say it but not mean it. No way of knowing that either. I guess therapy would be an option but, this goes pretty deep, and I might always need that validation that she loves me finds me sexy etc.

What do you think, ladies and gentleman?

And as a side note to any gents out there struggling with loving yourselves, or feeling like you aren't good enough despite what you have or lack, sometimes some introspection can be a good idea. In my case, I'm aware enough now to realize it doesn't matter what any girl says, or what size I am. Its my issue and problem, not the girls. Could do some people here some good to seek help with it, it sucks to live feeling like you aren't adequate. So, you might be enlightened to know that in fact you may not have any issues pleasing ladies at all, sometimes, its just you.
 
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BBC Action

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Its 100% just you. You even said it yourself that it's irrational which makes it seem like you are trying to avoid your problem instead of facing it. It sounds like you want validation or for other people here to tell you what you are already thinking and/or what you want to hear. Go see a therapist and get down to the root of your problem.
 

Steffo Shambo

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I hear you brother.

You need to love yourself, all of you!

Practice self-love and get to the root cause of why there is a lack there.

Where in your shadow is this coming from?

Did you have trauma as a young boy? Did you get bullied in school?

You need to heal these things, not for the girls, but for yourself.

When you love yourself first, only then can you allow yourself to be loved by someone else!

Start there and you will see that the right beautiful girl will be attracted and come along!

Big up my man!
 

drISlittle

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I hear you brother.

You need to love yourself, all of you!

Practice self-love and get to the root cause of why there is a lack there.

Where in your shadow is this coming from?

Did you have trauma as a young boy? Did you get bullied in school?

You need to heal these things, not for the girls, but for yourself.

When you love yourself first, only then can you allow yourself to be loved by someone else!

Start there and you will see that the right beautiful girl will be attracted and come along!

Big up my man!

Its a number of things, probably chief among them parents that were hypersensitive to any wrong thing I did whilst not giving much or any praise for getting things right. Chris Rocks "its what your supposed to do" joke rings true here, if I did great or did something well, its what I'm supposed to do, why would we praise you for that, but then if I screwed up, I never heard the end of it and it was severe.

I'm going to be 30 this year and I just want to be a good partner when the right girl finally does come along. I don't want to drive someone away. I've actually recently gotten over girls having been with other guys, bigger or not. It was the weirdest feeling in the world man when I couldn't care less who that porn star had slept with. But it was a good one. It makes me cringe when I read some of the posts here, where guys are in happy relationships and they let their insecurity destroy it, and whats worse, they think they're justified in it! I just don't want to be a burden on someone.

But yeah I will be going to therapy again shortly and I will address this concern, since its not just sexual but it affects every part of my life. And TBH I think I got my fill of fucking random girls, not gonna lie I get a rush from it, but I need an emotional connection. Anyway, thanks for the comment and support brother!

Its 100% just you. You even said it yourself that it's irrational which makes it seem like you are trying to avoid your problem instead of facing it. It sounds like you want validation or for other people here to tell you what you are already thinking and/or what you want to hear. Go see a therapist and get down to the root of your problem.

I think you're reading too much into it there chief. It was a post acknowledging my issue, and asking about what women think about needing to give validation or encouragement regularly. I'm quite self aware, I'm going to therapy again and may bring this up as not solely a sexual issue but, in a general way because honestly I need that validation in nearly everything. It was also meant for some encouragement for guys who might be dealing with the same thing, and think, well if only I could sleep with this girl and she liked, I'd be confident. I got to sleep with a porn star and she loved it, and it gave me no lasting confidence. It might help or encourage someone reading it to seek help, like me. You don't need to say anything to me.