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After months of searching, have finally found a home

LingamMeister

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Hi everybody!

I am male, 23 years old, and have been battling with porn induced erectile dysfunction for almost two years. I originally found nofap, which got me to the point where I am now. I have been abstaining from porn for over a year, and have been doing kegals on and off for the past year as well. My erections have returned to about 8-9/10 because of this, but now I am running into a new problem.

I have recently gotten a new girlfriend, and as we have been engaging in sexual touch, I would find that sometimes I would randomly lose my erection during foreplay. My girlfriend is very sensitive, and took this as a sign that I was not attracted to her, and had a pretty dramatic emotional response. We tried a few more times. Sometimes everything went smoothly, and we had amazing sex. Other times, I would be rock hard when we started kissing and foreplay, I would randomly lose my erection before we could transition to PIV sex. Then on other occasions I would remain completely flaccid throughout foreplay. I found that when I am flaccid, direct stimulation of the penis will cause an erection, but PIV or oral sex from that always results in premature ejaculation. I also find that when I am erect, any stopping of stimulation, kissing or foreplay (changing positions, etc) will be enough a distraction to get me flaccid again. I seem to only be able to retain an erection for about 30 seconds (only sometimes. Other times when I am really turned on and in the zone this is not a problem).

The times that everything went well and we had PIV sex have been amazing and very rewarding for both of us. On those times my mind was "turned on," and my penis was barely touched but stayed erect regardless. The times where it didn't go so well and I had the random loss of erection, my mind got turned off, and all the things that turned me on before now seemed to gross me out. This led to a cessation of all sexual touch, and really hurt and confused my partner.

As I mentioned earlier, my girlfriend is very sensitive, and the random loss of erection made her feel like I was not attracted to her. Her emotional response caused me a lot of anxiety, and I remembered that anxiety the next few times we tried to have sex. "What if I don't get erect again? What if I lose my erection again? etc." I think this made the problem even worse.

Can anyone please point me in a direction that can help me fix this problem? It is destroying my relationship.

(I have been doing kegals for a while now, never heard of reverse kegals or other kegal exercises until now. Are they worth looking into? Where do I start?)
 

closed159

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Welcome, [FONT=&quot]LingamMeister. I[/FONT][FONT=&quot]'m glad you feel comfortable enough to trust us with such personal information.

I know the loss of sexual confidence can be devastating, embarrassing, and confusing. So much of these issues we face are much more in our heads than in our shorts. As you mentioned, once it happens once, then we worry that it's going to happen again (or every time), and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We get so worked up and worried that we lose focus, the blood begins to go out of the erection, and next thing you know you're floppy instead of hard.

But it sounds like you're on the right track - the kegel exercises will help to strengthen your pelvic floor, and the no fap and no porn will help to rewire your thinking. It's very common to go through a time when your brain has to re-sest itself on what is stimulating and what turns you on, but the re-wiring does happen.

Give it some time, keep doing the exercises, and keep seeking help. Too often we men don't share enough of our feelings, fears, concerns, etc, and we wind up internalizing it all too much, and things don't get better. So you're on the right track.

Keep reaching out and let us know how things are going.

Rick[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
 
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closed224

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I agree with Rick. I'm curious though if you will further talk about feeling grossed out? What does that mean and why does it happen?
 

LingamMeister

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Replying to Wishful10x8

This has happened only one or two times. We are kissing and engaging in foreplay, and I am erect and highly aroused. As we start getting more and more excited, and our kissing turns to faster, deeper tongue kissing. When I am turned on, I find this incredibly arousing and pleasurable. Then suddenly, seemingly for no reason, I get completely flaccid and all my arousal fades. The same fast, deep tongue kissing that I found arousing earlier now seems gross and I just cannot get into it anymore. It's almost like the refractory period after I ejaculate, but I am definitely not ejaculating, orgasming, or anywhere near the ponr. This seems to happen spontaneously, without any triggers (unless the fast tongue kissing is the trigger?) Really weird I know, and my GF is super confused and hurt by it the times that is has happened.
 

Big Al

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Welcome to the forum- and welcome home!

Having a supporting, trusted sexual partner can be invaluable for making progress with your sexual confidence and mastering your performance.

The following may be of interest to you: NoFap and Stamina Training without Porn
 

closed224

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Are there thoughts like oh gross her spit is in my mouth? Or any others of a similar nature?
 

closed155

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That is lovely, that you feel you found a home here in pegym. Yes for women, a hard erect penis is a sign that they are attractive, sexually desirable, and the cock does not lie. So, I understand why your girl feels the way she does. I wish I could help with your issues, but it is something I have not experienced nor had to face up to, sorry sport. Males are very visual creatures when it comes to sex, I am. Kissing, oral sex, foreplay are all okay but I really get off visually which is probably why every women I have known has gone straight to the dick without much of that foreplay stuff, I guess they know my number. I love tongue kissing, though I am not too keen on having my tongue sucked in by the roots. Try being more visual rather than sticking to standard foreplay, it means taking all your clothes off, and using your tongue elsewhere.
 

burtybasset

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Welcome LingamMeister!

Edging is a great exercise that I believe will help you train your body in practice to start responding the way you want in the main event.

Don't go too wild with the kegels either. Overdoing it with these can lead to other problems as well as some of the ones you mention.

Best of luck to you. Stay safe!