- Joined
- Feb 21, 2021
- Messages
- 291
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Hi PEGym!
I have not been an active participant of these forums in many moons, but have quite an extensive history on the site. I used to actually be a mod here nearly a decade ago and have decided to get back into it due to recent developments in my life.
My main focus at the moment is achieving consistent, rock hard erections. My EQ fluctuates wildly, and I'd say ~ 1/5 times that my partner and I attempt sex I am unable to get turned on/hard at all. I believe there are several factors that cause this, but I know my issues are not physical as I am a 29 year old, very active and healthy person who exercises 5+ days a week and eats a largely plant based diet. I believe my issues to be partly hormonal and partly psychological.
Hormonal:
I am a former heavy alcoholic, who at my worst times was drinking a fifth of alcohol a night. This is what I believe caused my issues to begin. I am ~ 1.5 years clean from alcohol, however when I quit I used weed (sometimes lightly, sometimes heavily) as a crutch. I believe that weed lowered my interest in sex more than alcohol ever had. I am currently 3 weeks and 3 days completely sober and I think my hormones are still largely in flux. In general I am much more interested in sex and I find it easier to get hard already, but I often need constant stimulation to stay hard still (unless I'm REALLY turned on). I think that over my years of substance abuse I used porn along with masturbation to force myself to get hard rather than achieving erection through relaxation and being turned on, which has also led to a bit of physical dependence on stimulation to be erect.
Psychological:
The above issues have caused me some psychological trauma as well, as anyone who has suffered from ED knows it can be pretty anxiety-provoking wondering if now is going to be the time when I am unable to perform. My current partner is very patient generally, but has had frustrations and negative reactions at times when I've been unable to perform. For the most part I feel I am over the performance anxiety aspect, especially since being sober I feel much more confident, but it still creeps into my brain sometimes.
Moreso, my partner has had some sexual trauma in her past and has wildly varying reactions to me initiating sex. Unless she is drunk she typically does not act interested in sex. She tells me that even if she is not acting interested I need to just do what I want and will tell me "just fuck me", but for me psychologically I need to feel like my partner is into it and if I don't feel that way then I absolutely can't perform. So I try foreplay, kissing, touching etc but she will turn me down 90% of the time. Because I often fear being turned down this feeds my performance anxiety and has recently led to feelings that she is just not attracted to me (which she claims is not true and I believe she really is attracted to me but just has her own issues). She only drinks 1-2 times a week, so those are the only nights we end up having sex because that is the only time I feel confident that she actually wants me, but I want to have sex more frequently and sober.
My current plan is as follows:
1) I plan to talk to my partner and let her know how I am feeling. We have talked in the past and are both open with our issues, but with me now being sober my mindset has changed and I feel we need to talk again. When I was using weed I had less frequent urges for sex so was more ok with us not having regular sex.
2) Continue my healthy lifestyle of exercise, yoga, meditation, and healthy diet.
3) Restart a stretching/jelqing/kegel routine. I vividly remember how powerful my erections could be in the past especially when I started doing PE.
4) Start an edging/sensory restoration routine. What I mean by this is slow, relaxed edging where I specifically use light touch and nothing more to achieve and maintain my erection. No working myself up, no forced kegels, no porn. Just relaxation and enjoying the sensations.
I will post my routine in the following post!
-BiggerDB
I have not been an active participant of these forums in many moons, but have quite an extensive history on the site. I used to actually be a mod here nearly a decade ago and have decided to get back into it due to recent developments in my life.
My main focus at the moment is achieving consistent, rock hard erections. My EQ fluctuates wildly, and I'd say ~ 1/5 times that my partner and I attempt sex I am unable to get turned on/hard at all. I believe there are several factors that cause this, but I know my issues are not physical as I am a 29 year old, very active and healthy person who exercises 5+ days a week and eats a largely plant based diet. I believe my issues to be partly hormonal and partly psychological.
Hormonal:
I am a former heavy alcoholic, who at my worst times was drinking a fifth of alcohol a night. This is what I believe caused my issues to begin. I am ~ 1.5 years clean from alcohol, however when I quit I used weed (sometimes lightly, sometimes heavily) as a crutch. I believe that weed lowered my interest in sex more than alcohol ever had. I am currently 3 weeks and 3 days completely sober and I think my hormones are still largely in flux. In general I am much more interested in sex and I find it easier to get hard already, but I often need constant stimulation to stay hard still (unless I'm REALLY turned on). I think that over my years of substance abuse I used porn along with masturbation to force myself to get hard rather than achieving erection through relaxation and being turned on, which has also led to a bit of physical dependence on stimulation to be erect.
Psychological:
The above issues have caused me some psychological trauma as well, as anyone who has suffered from ED knows it can be pretty anxiety-provoking wondering if now is going to be the time when I am unable to perform. My current partner is very patient generally, but has had frustrations and negative reactions at times when I've been unable to perform. For the most part I feel I am over the performance anxiety aspect, especially since being sober I feel much more confident, but it still creeps into my brain sometimes.
Moreso, my partner has had some sexual trauma in her past and has wildly varying reactions to me initiating sex. Unless she is drunk she typically does not act interested in sex. She tells me that even if she is not acting interested I need to just do what I want and will tell me "just fuck me", but for me psychologically I need to feel like my partner is into it and if I don't feel that way then I absolutely can't perform. So I try foreplay, kissing, touching etc but she will turn me down 90% of the time. Because I often fear being turned down this feeds my performance anxiety and has recently led to feelings that she is just not attracted to me (which she claims is not true and I believe she really is attracted to me but just has her own issues). She only drinks 1-2 times a week, so those are the only nights we end up having sex because that is the only time I feel confident that she actually wants me, but I want to have sex more frequently and sober.
My current plan is as follows:
1) I plan to talk to my partner and let her know how I am feeling. We have talked in the past and are both open with our issues, but with me now being sober my mindset has changed and I feel we need to talk again. When I was using weed I had less frequent urges for sex so was more ok with us not having regular sex.
2) Continue my healthy lifestyle of exercise, yoga, meditation, and healthy diet.
3) Restart a stretching/jelqing/kegel routine. I vividly remember how powerful my erections could be in the past especially when I started doing PE.
4) Start an edging/sensory restoration routine. What I mean by this is slow, relaxed edging where I specifically use light touch and nothing more to achieve and maintain my erection. No working myself up, no forced kegels, no porn. Just relaxation and enjoying the sensations.
I will post my routine in the following post!
-BiggerDB