Why won't women...

vankush

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... sleep with you if they like you and you like her? One of my best friends and I both were recently "invovled" with these girls that also happened to be best friends (they picked up right as me and my girl ended). Both girls had a tendency to sleep around with a few guys (not overt sluts, by any means), but when it came to us they wouldn't sleep with us even after a couple months, and in the end neither of us got laid.

Before anyone calls me a pig, just know that I really cared about this girl, and when she dumped me the fact that we didn't have sex was the last thing on my mind that I was bummed about. Before we were together I hung out with her everyday for a month and didn't make a single move (she already knew I liked her). I would cuddle her, and talk on the phone for hours, I'd remember tiny insignificant things (which I know girls love), and basically did everything to let her know I cared, so I feel like she should have known I wasn't just in it for sex.

I'm just asking because I see a lot of girls do this. They''ll sleep around and then hold out on the only guys that actually care about them, or even in some cases hold out on their boyfriend and cheat on him. Its just hard to watch it happen and still want to be a "good guy" and not an asshole.
 

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I know what you mean. A LONG time ago I was quite interested in this one girl. We had tons in common, but she was attracted to those assholes who hurt her throughout the relationship. Got the 'I don't wanna ruin our friendship' response from her. I'm a great dude, half decent shape and I'm damn cute. I'm also a very nice and caring individual. I basically said fuck you to her and never really gave a sh*t about it again. You want someone that treats you like sh*t, you can have it.
 

tamzatank

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You cant be too nice to girls, they get turned off by it, and you cant be too nasty either, best way is to kiss and feel them up into action, kiss them withing 5 minutes of a date, always works! let me know what you think, many more tricks!
 

Pegasus

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Tricks tazza? Gameplaying? Isn't there enough of that out there?

Yes guys, I had these experiences very commonly when I was young.
Got to the point, I would cut lose any girl that started with the you are such a nice guy I just want to be friends thing.
After awhile I realised it was an insult.
 

MrBigDick

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There are girls out there that DO want the "nice guy" type..........and by "nice guy", I don't mean you're nice to the point where you allow her or others to walk on you as if you're a human door mat. Your nice BUT, you have your boundaries too. I'm a nice guy, loving, caring, compassionate but I don't take sh*t either. There's a difference.
 

vulcan

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This reminds me of the film 'Just friends' with Ryan Reynolds. I love that film.

"I swear, by the sun & the moon & the stars.....I'll be there"
 

CUSP82

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In the end ( no pun intended) the assholes will remain just that;assholes. You have the chance to be better so be it and if a girl doesn't want to sleep with you then she has her reasons.
 

vankush

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Thanks guys.

But just to clarify things did end up happening with this girl, we were together for 3 months, we just never had sex. I know part of the reason she liked me is because I was really sweet to her, but MrBigDick you're right, and some point I probably should have been a little less of a doormat (lesson learned for the next girl). I'm usually kind of a hardass when it comes to my friends, I was just too scared to be like that to this girl.

And when people talk about the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line, when we got together she was actually really nervous that I'd hate her afterwords, but I guess she wanted to risk it anyway. Oddly enough, now she's one of my best friends.

I've pretty much come to terms with all that stuff though, it just confuses me and pisses me off when girls will sleep with a random guy, and then say "No, its different with you because I actually like you." Makes no sense at all.
 
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TTBB

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You cant be too nice to girls, they get turned off by it, and you cant be too nasty either, best way is to kiss and feel them up into action, kiss them withing 5 minutes of a date, always works! let me know what you think, many more tricks!

Hate to say it but this approach wouldn't work with me .. if a guy kissed me and felt me up with in 5 minutes of a date, no matter how hot or tasty he was it would not guarantee action .. It would put questions in my mind...and potentially work against him
 

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I think you are overlooking an important point: chemistry. Sometimes a relationship can look good on paper and two people can really like each other -- but if there is no sexual spark there, nothing is going to happen.

I have had male friends -- close friends -- with whom I would have liked to have had a sexual relationship, but there was just no physical attraction. Alternatively, there have been other men in my life that I could never keep my hands off (even when I wanted to) because the attraction was so strong. In several cases these feeling (both for and against sex) have been inconvenient. But I have found that there is no way to make chemistry happen if it is not there, or make it go away if it is.
These are not feelings that we have control over, alas.

For a sexual relationship to work, BOTH partners have to feel the attraction -- the chemistry has to be right. Young men are often interested in sex with just about any female because they just want sex so much that they are willing to overlook absence of chemistry with that particular girl. Girls usually don't do this. If you are friends with a girl and she has not expressed any desire to have sex with you despite your wanting it, I expect that she simply does not feel any chemistry with you. Your best bet is to move on and find a girl who DOES feel that spark for you.

As for climbing all over a girl within 5 minutes of starting a date: no, that is not good behavior and is not going to make her like you. On the other hand, waiting 2 months to make a move on a girl you are hanging out with daily is also not going to get you anywhere. Be polite about it, but don't wait forever to see if a girl likes you sexually!
 

vankush

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I think you are overlooking an important point: chemistry. Sometimes a relationship can look good on paper and two people can really like each other -- but if there is no sexual spark there, nothing is going to happen.
We had great chemistry though... like, the make-out sessions were intense, she would straddle me and couldn't wait to get my shirt off. I think people think I'm saying we were never more than friends. We were clearly more than friends, for 3 months, and we would hook-up for hours and hours but it never got to sex. THAT'S what confused me, I don't expect girls to sleep with me just because we're friends that get along great.
 

NiteOwl86

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My opinion is that if you got to the make out stage your friendship is pretty much going to change whether you have sex with her or not.

But my main concern is another thing: guys, don't do the nice guy shtick. Do NOT approach women and offer your friendship if your main goal is to attract her sexually/romantically. That's dishonest, even if it's not done on purpose. Most women who treat you like friends expect you to treat them exactly the same back.

The reason they tend to go out with 'jerks' is because those guys asked them out in the first place, instead of sneaking into their lives trying to build a connection before dating them.

This is coming from a Nice Guy in recovery. I used to do that until one of my best friends (a girl) called me on my bullshit. It may not be your case SPECIFICALLY, but that's awfully common from what I can see.

disclaimer: this poster is not an expert in relationships and couldn't attract women if his life depended on it, so you may take his advice with a grain of salt.
 

Batwoman

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We had great chemistry though... like, the make-out sessions were intense, she would straddle me and couldn't wait to get my shirt off. I think people think I'm saying we were never more than friends. We were clearly more than friends, for 3 months, and we would hook-up for hours and hours but it never got to sex. THAT'S what confused me, I don't expect girls to sleep with me just because we're friends that get along great.

So why didn't you move on to have sex? If she was making out with you like that, I just don't get it. Didn't you ever try? She may be one of those girls that thinks it's up to the guy to escalate things, and if you didn't.... well, I hate to say it but she may have just gotten tired of waiting, and thought that you didn't want her.
 

sotorp

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Well it can happen.Women are more complicated.I remember I had a relationship with a girl.We were late 20's and both had various partners before.Get down to our underwear and she would get dripping wet , rubbing like crazy and moaning wildly but would not let me touch her pussy just suck her tits and all the rest.This happenned two times and I stopped seeing her because I think if it was going to happen a third time I would have ripped her panties and raped her.A guy can only take so much.
 

vankush

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So why didn't you move on to have sex? If she was making out with you like that, I just don't get it. Didn't you ever try? She may be one of those girls that thinks it's up to the guy to escalate things, and if you didn't.... well, I hate to say it but she may have just gotten tired of waiting, and thought that you didn't want her.
We went to different schools, about 2 hours away from each other, so we only saw each other once or twice a month. Each time I escalated it a little bit, once when I went for "third" and she pulled my hand away (later she let me).