Is it acceptable for a woman to expect an orgasm?

[akaTrex]

About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone -- that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances.

Sex Study Says Female Orgasm Eludes Majority of Women - ABC News



According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.

Female Orgasm Facts - Surprising Facts about Women's Orgams/

 

[closed224]

Good stuff Akatrex, but the OP can and does achieve orgasm. Her ex husband just didn't care to help her do so. Now she seems to be questioning her right to expect anybody to help her achieve an orgasm. My wife simply cannot from penetration alone. I expect to help her reach an orgasm every time. I am on the opposite pole to SS ex.

 

[ScarletSkull]

What great feedback. I hope you guys don't mind being my sex therapists while I figure this stuff out I really do have to figure out what is normal and acceptable, because obviously what I've grown accustomed to is not the norm and it is OKAY for me to want more. Which is great!

Need to probably digest this a bit.

I can achieve clitoral orgasm. I've never achieved orgasm via penetration but you know what? I can achieve orgasm with ZERO stimulation, if I'm having the right kind of dream That tells me that it is possible. Not that I'm even open to a new partner anytime soon but I know I don't want to be celibate forever and I'm only 35. This is something I know I need to figure out for myself.

I guess perhaps I've had too many past lovers who were either too young/inexperienced and then spent 10 years having meaningless jackhammer sex with my ex. I made the mistake of thinking that because I know how to get myself off, that he would be interested learning how. I tried to show him several before I gave up, not because I didn't think he *could* but it was obvious that he was just trying to placate me and not particularly interested. There's no way I could be in the right mental place to orgasm if I was getting the "I'm just doing this because I have to" vibe from him.

I personally think the whole "most women can't achieve orgasm via penetration" is bunk. I think some achieve it easier than others, and perhaps others like me need to read up and learn more about techniques, but a lot of them never will. I suspect that most women probably could, in theory, it just takes different means to get them there, and may be extraordinarily complicated/difficult for some which would result in it never happening (like Wishful's wife). And so, SO much of it is mental. I personally have had sexual breakthroughs when I'm solo that never would have happened with a partner.

But all in all, the responses here have been helpful. That, more than you know, is immensely helpful. So thank you - very much. I just need to get comfortable with having higher expectations, I think.

 

[Adecm]

Personally I feel like orgasm during intercourse for a woman should be a basic right for a woman. It shouldn't be something she rarely or never gets. I try to have the mindset " I need to give my very best at everything I do." It's not that I am the best or will be the best its that I'm going to give it my all. If every man tried his very best at making his partner orgasm would not the world be a better place ? I think what it comes down to is a lack of will. That is a lack of will to give true education on sex and relationships and a lack of will to learn about anything other then your own gratification.

 

[silversid23]

its pretty expected.. me personally if a girl has had an orgasm before and I mean, she can orgasm cause some girls really cant, then im 100% sure i can guarentee her an orgasm. I know how to please a girl

 

[Pegasus]

About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone -- that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances.

Sex Study Says Female Orgasm Eludes Majority of Women - ABC News



According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.

Female Orgasm Facts - Surprising Facts about Women's Orgams/

I don't see any study with anything like cred here . A hundred year old non scientific study to determine opitimal "v" distance just has no cred .

 

[Pegasus]

I don't agree with the comment in the original post stating that most women don't orgasm from sex alone.

I think most can. It's that or I have been lied to for years by all of them I've been with.

There have been times where they don't but most times they have.

This idea seems to have come from the militant feminist movement and been accepted by constant repetition alone.

 

[ScarletSkull]

This idea seems to have come from the militant feminist movement and been accepted by constant repetition alone.

The hard part (no pun intended! lol) is that there are precious few legitimate studies done on the issue. I remember reading so many times that the vagina has pretty much no nerve endings past the first few inches but then found out they said that because of a study where a doctor was examining women in a clinical setting and asking them if they felt what he was doing, or something to that effect. I would hardly consider that a legitimate study.

I kinda think of it as a scale, or a bell curve (this is my theory, totally unproven by science!).

On one side of the spectrum, you've got the girls who will orgasm at the drop of a hat, any kind of penetration will do. In the middle, you've got most women, like myself, who could probably have a vaginal orgasm but need some more technique, need to be in the right mindset with a trusted partner, and definitely both partners have some education about the correct spots (a spot, cul de sac, etc). And then on the opposite end, you've got the women like your wife... who just can't get there no matter what you try.

I imagine most of the women in the middle, who are like myself, may think "I can't have a vaginal orgasm" because contrary to what this thread would lead you to believe, I think there are a crap-ton of guys out there just looking out for their own pleasure and it's certainly convenient for them to buy into the excuse because then they don't have to even try, like my ex. And then there's mental/emotional barriers also. And women also, for the most part, get quite a big of pleasure out of sex even if they don't orgasm, so it doesn't seem quite as big of a deal sometimes.

I suspect most women are probably physically able, but may never be able to get there for various reasons (and not just because of a selfish lover, although there certainly are plenty of them out there).

 

[DickerSchwanz]

The no nerve endings and thus no feelings and no orgasm and no use at all for bigger dick is wrong in my observations. There might be less nerves but feelings arise from a different mechanic.
It appears to me that deeper into the vagina feelings arise from expansion at the right spots that sit around the vaginal canal. I guess that these spots are probably there to aid birth and make it less painfull. Them beeing mostly around the cervix hint at that.

I also think that the spots outside(clitoris) and inside aid also the other way around. If the woman and vagina is aroused it opens gradually up and opens the possibility to deposit sperm into the right place thus in tendency only giving a guy who has experience with the woman at hand the shot at offspring. Contrary to the rather stupid saying that the clitoris and the orgasms are "useless" and just for fun.

Now of course so much individual variables in a human and woman to make definite statements on the implications which might create confusion and frustrations. Take ot easy..

 

[Pegasus]

The hard part (no pun intended! lol) is that there are precious few legitimate studies done on the issue. I remember reading so many times that the vagina has pretty much no nerve endings past the first few inches but then found out they said that because of a study where a doctor was examining women in a clinical setting and asking them if they felt what he was doing, or something to that effect. I would hardly consider that a legitimate study.

I kinda think of it as a scale, or a bell curve (this is my theory, totally unproven by science!).

On one side of the spectrum, you've got the girls who will orgasm at the drop of a hat, any kind of penetration will do. In the middle, you've got most women, like myself, who could probably have a vaginal orgasm but need some more technique, need to be in the right mindset with a trusted partner, and definitely both partners have some education about the correct spots (a spot, cul de sac, etc). And then on the opposite end, you've got the women like your wife... who just can't get there no matter what you try.

I imagine most of the women in the middle, who are like myself, may think "I can't have a vaginal orgasm" because contrary to what this thread would lead you to believe, I think there are a crap-ton of guys out there just looking out for their own pleasure and it's certainly convenient for them to buy into the excuse because then they don't have to even try, like my ex. And then there's mental/emotional barriers also. And women also, for the most part, get quite a big of pleasure out of sex even if they don't orgasm, so it doesn't seem quite as big of a deal sometimes.

I suspect most women are probably physically able, but may never be able to get there for various reasons (and not just because of a selfish lover, although there certainly are plenty of them out there).

My wife, like the vast majority of women I have met has vaginal orgasms . For that matter it does not usually require immense skill . I will say it makes life easier if the woman has some idea of how her body reacts sexually.
I want to add here it is not only men that can have low skill level and it is not only men who make themselves unteachable.

 

[lilbigman]

its pretty expected.. me personally if a girl has had an orgasm before and I mean, she can orgasm cause some girls really cant, then im 100% sure i can guarentee her an orgasm. I know how to please a girl

I have been with many women throughout the years, and have become quite good at pleasing a woman. I am a very giving lover, its just in my nature. Since I was young I have always had the desire to please the woman I am with and because of that desire have asked many questions and tried many things on the pursuit of being the best in bed that I can be. Because of comments from woman and the confidence of knowing what I am doing, I believed I could get any woman to orgasm if given the chance. However I have found out first hand that skill isn't an end all. Some women have a very hard time achieving orgasm. I have been with my current GF/lover for 2 years now, and I have given her 4 orgasms. The one before her would have 10 to my 1. This was very difficult for me to wrap my mind around. Since day 1 she has said that I am amazing. The best she has ever had. No body has made her orgasm as hard as I have. Yet for all my experience and skill, and her desire for me, she just simply can not orgasm easily. Even by herself she just can not get it to happen. The way she explains it is it is like a roller coaster, she gets to the top and then rather than going over the edge it slides back down the hill. I am constantly bringing her up that hill and striving to bring her over it and occasionally do, but it is just not easy for her. So I can tell you first hand, there is no 100% guarantee no matter how good you are.

OP, I think by what I have read that you should be able to achieve orgasm fairly easily with the right man. I think you have had a long history of bad sex with a selfish partner. When you find a man that genuinely wants to please you, and is a giving lover I believe you will have some amazing sex, and yes you will begin to "expect" to orgasm and he should "expect" to give you one.

 

[getinbig]

Absolutely, Scarlet! That's what loving my wife is all about...giving, not taking...We give to each other. I love the fact that my wife eagerly looks forward to having at least one orgasm when we make love. I would be so bummed out if she didn't...I love helping her cum...again and again:angel:

 

[spanky]

Just to add another tick in the box, yes. usually. If he's any kind of worthwhile lover, unless you have cuckolding or rape fantasies, in fact even then, sex is about sharing and giving. If it's only about taking for him, unless you get off on being used as a cum toilet of course (hey, don't blame me, some do!) then you should probably move on or get it elsewhere.

And that goes both ways too.

Men have typically been brought up to believe women are "difficult" and never orgasm, like "foreplay" is a dirty word, and not "dirty" in a good way. That misogynist sh*t is everywhere, even HERE - note the occasional yappy youngsters banging on like children about how it's all about big black cock or GTFO. Sigh.

damn I just caught on a call and totally lost my train of thought... but to summarise, yes, you should expect him to care, or you need to talk about and agree on what you actually want from each other, or you should move on.

Sex is about what you GIVE to each other. Good sex is when you GET what you want as well. Great sex is when you both know how to fulfil that and GIVE and GET more than you had any right to expect.

IMHO

 

[ScarletSkull]

You guys are awesome :a025:

 

[Park Lib]

Is it wrong to expect to orgasm during sex? No but I also feel that to put undue pressure on a partner to provide you with an orgasm is wrong. There's a small but subtle difference there. Most men can orgasm during sex (or at least they can ejaculate) but does this mean that their woman shouldn't put any effort in to making it as pleasurable for him as possible? No, of course not. It all comes down to your approach to sex and, more importantly love, in general. If you love or care for your sex partner than it makes sense to try your best to make them happy especially during sex. But if for any reason, be it inexperience, age, lack of virility or interest or anything else they can't get you to orgasm that specific time then please don't hold it against them as long as they clearly appreciate you. Sex shouldn't be a contest like almost everything else is made out to be in this day and age.

At the same time, it's very important to ensure you communicate any feelings of inadequacy in the relationship. Speaking your mind is so important. Another thing is since it's complicated more often than not for girls to climax, please find out what turns you on or explore yourself on your own and tell your man what is right for you. Otherwise it's like saying that you want your man to have a raging hard-on on demand but without putting in any effort to help him achieve that. I think girls should want to have an orgasm and if someone is not trying to help you get one eventually then let them know but if someone is trying to but failing then try not to hold him to account for it. It might just be his equipment or lack of knowledge and both can change as we all know.

I know that women are becoming ever more forthright in their views and expectations on sex and everything as it should be but know that we decent men are trying hard too and that should be respected. I always fear that when I do eventually have sex I want her to orgasm with me and make it very special but I won't be able to. That's part of the reason why I'm doing PE (a pretty big part) and like the advice and discussions here.

 

[Closed054]

I just want to put my two cents in here. It is healthy to want an orgasm as a woman and if your man is worth a sh*t he would want to please you as well as you wanting to please him. Sometimes it takes along time to reach orgasm for women, but be patient, ask what she wants and needs, just as she should ask you. Someone said they want orgasms at the same time as their partner, well it may happen but it is rare, but special.

It is important to wait to find someone you care about to have sex with so that you feel free to have honest conversation with them so that sex can be fufilling for both. One night stands are not very fun in reality as there is truly no caring, trust or honesty involved, and no orgasm most of the time for the woman.

 

[GTO]

I've always been a "her" first type of guy. Was fortunate enough to have a much older woman teach me the ropes while I was still pretty young so I didn't get jaded or messed up in the head with the typical BS guys can give as advice - LOL. She was very insightful on just how to move, how to set the mood, techniques that are often overlooked in foreplay ... everything. I have no doubt that if every woman I've had sex with had her number, they'd be calling and giving her tribute! LOL!

I think, as a man, making sure your woman/partner is satisfied first really lays the foundation for the sex act and more importantly, your relationship as a whole. So that begs the question of her not being able to reach orgasm at all - do you sacrifice your pleasure at the expense of hers? I'll leave that out there to ponder ...

 

[akaTrex]

Men have typically been brought up to believe women are "difficult" and never orgasm, like "foreplay" is a dirty word, and not "dirty" in a good way. That misogynist sh*t is everywhere, even HERE - note the occasional yappy youngsters banging on like children about how it's all about big black cock or GTFO. Sigh.

IMHO

I'll have to respectfully disagree!

I have been with women that have been with BBC and sought out T-Rex for MORE!
Including my Ex-Wife.

HER WIDE EYE"D Are You Fucking Kidding Me EXPERIENCE with T-Rex cemented the EXPERIENCE!

Total F-ing Bull sh*t ! IMHO !!!

 

[spanky]

I'll have to respectfully disagree!

I have been with women that have been with BBC and sought out T-Rex for MORE!
Including my Ex-Wife.

HER WIDE EYE"D Are You Fucking Kidding Me EXPERIENCE with T-Rex cemented the EXPERIENCE!

Total F-ing Bull sh*t ! IMHO !!!

"typically" was the key word.

Why do you think this site exists and people consistently argue about how big is big enough? That voice telling most men they're not big enough doesn't come from an army of women all teaming up to tell us, it comes from society, typically other insecure men. Either way, I myself, and I expect most dudes, somehow knew about how women need "foreplay" to cum, and even then probably won't.

Then when you grow up enough and have the guts to ignore the message and trust in yourself instead it turns out that women start to have orgasms and call you back.

The voice of society is strong. Not saying anyone can't give women an orgasm or ten, far from it, but we're not raised to believe that.

 

[Park Lib]

"typically" was the key word.

Why do you think this site exists and people consistently argue about how big is big enough? That voice telling most men they're not big enough doesn't come from an army of women all teaming up to tell us, it comes from society, typically other insecure men. Either way, I myself, and I expect most dudes, somehow knew about how women need "foreplay" to cum, and even then probably won't.

Then when you grow up enough and have the guts to ignore the message and trust in yourself instead it turns out that women start to have orgasms and call you back.

The voice of society is strong. Not saying anyone can't give women an orgasm or ten, far from it, but we're not raised to believe that.

Don't forget about the time when the female orgasm was disputed to even exist. Now we find this whole new depth to female sexual response that dwarfs that of men.

This kind of shows that we haven't really come to the stage of talking openly enough about sex. I mean think about your education from a young man onwards. We learn through friends, whose advice is likely based on hearsay; porn, which...let's just not go there and any women you encounter that may or may not be useful depending on how mature the person is. I mean speaking to our parents about this stuff would be pretty helpful but it's never considered given how much of a 'taboo' it is. I would be so happy to discuss it with my kids and impart what I have learned but most just want their kids to be in a bubble and never to grow up. I'm sure some parents are good about it and do give sound advice as well.

At least women are more ready to talk amongst themselves about it and maybe more accepting if their partner speaks to them too. I can't really even trust what I see on the internet as they have an agenda by making men seem inadequate or expounding the latest trend just to get hits even if it's no good. It's not like there aren't terrible repercussions either since I've heard of boys being influenced by porn from an extremely young age, I assume since there's no guidance and constructive avenues to understand their growing sexuality, and subsequently committing sexual offences against other young people. It's an important social issue. Thank goodness for sites like this.