Dating advice?

burtybasset

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Most people live within their little bubble of comfort zone and rarely leave it. I think confidence is not a lack of fear, but more of a lack of insecurity. That when you are in a new situation, you trust yourself explicitly to do a good job.

When you suck at something or don't have a lot of experience in it, it's difficult to be confident. I don't know. I think it's a weird, paradoxical subject.

Like me with my personal training business right now. I don't have a lot of experience in teaching people what to do. I'm completely new and in the dark about the smallest of business details.
It's frightening going into a person's house and talking about nutrition and battling with them about their myths and poor habits when I don't really have any experience to back it up. I really don't know what I'm doing. Is that confidence? I dunno.
I'm confident for doing it and keeping with it, but if I'm going to be 1000% honest with you guys - it's a scary experience. So it can go either way.

The bottom line in my mind is constantly making steps towards what is in your best interest. That will lead to greater confidence, greater inner resources, great wisdom and all that stuff.
I don't know what confidence really is, but I think moving towards that goal and overcoming those inner obstacles and inner blocks has something to do with it. Being honest with yourself.

True, but to the man or woman who undertakes new stuff all the time, you build confidence in your adaptability and ability to master new things. While unnerving to begin, confidence is developed with practice.
 

Pegasus

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Confidence in all situations is absolutely possible! Learning to quiet your mind and emotions is a way to achieve this, there is no self fooling, as self and division disappears. Disregarding second thoughts also helps combat getting lost in indecision and self doubt.

We'll have to agree to disagree on the PUA thing, from what I've seen, guys wanting to have sex and be successful with women is a part of our nature. Everyone wants to make connections in their life if only for the briefest of times.

I think you are one of those that have fooled themselves . I hope you don't get in a situation where it all unravels badly, I have seen it happen it's ugly.
 

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Most people live within their little bubble of comfort zone and rarely leave it. I think confidence is not a lack of fear, but more of a lack of insecurity. That when you are in a new situation, you trust yourself explicitly to do a good job.

When you suck at something or don't have a lot of experience in it, it's difficult to be confident. I don't know. I think it's a weird, paradoxical subject.

Like me with my personal training business right now. I don't have a lot of experience in teaching people what to do. I'm completely new and in the dark about the smallest of business details.
It's frightening going into a person's house and talking about nutrition and battling with them about their myths and poor habits when I don't really have any experience to back it up. I really don't know what I'm doing. Is that confidence? I dunno.
I'm confident for doing it and keeping with it, but if I'm going to be 1000% honest with you guys - it's a scary experience. So it can go either way.

The bottom line in my mind is constantly making steps towards what is in your best interest. That will lead to greater confidence, greater inner resources, great wisdom and all that stuff.
I don't know what confidence really is, but I think moving towards that goal and overcoming those inner obstacles and inner blocks has something to do with it. Being honest with yourself.

Moving forward despite doubt shows inner strength.
 

Dontrike

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I think you are one of those that have fooled themselves . I hope you don't get in a situation where it all unravels badly, I have seen it happen it's ugly.

Why would he be one that fools himself? Not that I am disagreeing, but I don't quite understand why.
 

Pegasus

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Why would he be one that fools himself? Not that I am disagreeing, but I don't quite understand why.
I have experience of seeing people do this and he exhibits similar talk .
 

Dontrike

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I have experience of seeing people do this and he exhibits similar talk .

I certainly won't argue your experience, but that doesn't answer my question and I am still wondering why BurtyBasset's idea of confidence isn't great. To me he doesn't seem all that far off.
 
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Pegasus

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I certainly won't argue your experience, but that doesn't answer my question and I am still wondering why BurtyBasset's idea of confidence isn't great. To me he doesn't seem all that far off.

Uh huh you go with that.
 

Pegasus

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Just by the by I like toadstools attitude on this.

I am sorry op this has gone on a tangent ,I will leave your thread to get back ontrack.
 

longerlastingnoob

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Most people live within their little bubble of comfort zone and rarely leave it. I think confidence is not a lack of fear, but more of a lack of insecurity. That when you are in a new situation, you trust yourself explicitly to do a good job.

When you suck at something or don't have a lot of experience in it, it's difficult to be confident. I don't know. I think it's a weird, paradoxical subject.

Like me with my personal training business right now. I don't have a lot of experience in teaching people what to do. I'm completely new and in the dark about the smallest of business details.
It's frightening going into a person's house and talking about nutrition and battling with them about their myths and poor habits when I don't really have any experience to back it up. I really don't know what I'm doing. Is that confidence? I dunno.
I'm confident for doing it and keeping with it, but if I'm going to be 1000% honest with you guys - it's a scary experience. So it can go either way.

The bottom line in my mind is constantly making steps towards what is in your best interest. That will lead to greater confidence, greater inner resources, great wisdom and all that stuff.
I don't know what confidence really is, but I think moving towards that goal and overcoming those inner obstacles and inner blocks has something to do with it. Being honest with yourself.
Great post, only thing, I don't think lack or absence of insecurity is confidence though. It can be for a person but for another they may be very insecure, with themselves or a new situation, and push past it.
I see pua ideology as fake confidence, I can compare it exactly to one of my best friends, he's insecure about a lot of things, on the surface a shy guy, but he throws himself into groups of people, chats up girls, he's good looking and clever so it helps. If you saw him in a club you'd think thats a confident guy, thought it myself in college when we met. But he has insecurities about his looks, his body, his not so great job. It's probably some confidence that he has to push past it, but mainly it's a fake confidence that he's learned or developed from practice, like pua teaches.
 

Dontrike

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It's probably some confidence that he has to push past it, but mainly it's a fake confidence that he's learned or developed from practice, like pua teaches.

If he can do it every time though and make it seem like it is confidence, even to those whom he is not hitting on, does it still make it fake confidence? Not focusing on the source the confidence, fake or not, is coming from the advice I have heard, read of, or been given is that if you are not confident then acting like it will allow you to become confident by learning or practicing. Could it not be his way of learning confidence, PUA or not, and allow him to gain confidence that doesn't necessarily align with what PUA teaches?
 

longerlastingnoob

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If he can do it every time though and make it seem like it is confidence, even to those whom he is not hitting on, does it still make it fake confidence? Not focusing on the source the confidence, fake or not, is coming from the advice I have heard, read of, or been given is that if you are not confident then acting like it will allow you to become confident by learning or practicing. Could it not be his way of learning confidence, PUA or not, and allow him to gain confidence that doesn't necessarily align with what PUA teaches?
No because fake confidence is different from real confidence, putting on an act that you are entirely happy with yourself and have no problems to admit to in a situation, pretending, is fake confidence. Knowing your not entirely happy, have certain issues or hang ups, and being open about them, not hiding them or pretending they don't even exist, but not let them get in the way of what your doing, embracing them is real confidence.
I think my friend may have some confidence which does get him out there in the first place, but mostly I see a show, and especially when talking to girls, trying to pick them up, not the same person entirely that I know.
 

longerlastingnoob

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Pua doesn't adress an individuals unique issues, it's a 1 size fits all deal, so how can it teach real confidence.
 

Dontrike

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No because fake confidence is different from real confidence, putting on an act that you are entirely happy with yourself and have no problems to admit to in a situation, pretending, is fake confidence. Knowing your not entirely happy, have certain issues or hang ups, and being open about them, not hiding them or pretending they don't even exist, but not let them get in the way of what your doing, embracing them is real confidence.
I think my friend may have some confidence which does get him out there in the first place, but mostly I see a show, and especially when talking to girls, trying to pick them up, not the same person entirely that I know.

I certainly don't know your friend nor yourself on a personal basis, but people can change depending on the situation. I know I do exactly that as to best match the current atmosphere of the moment or depending on the person/people I am talking to and it could be similar for him as well. I wouldn't say that changing yourself for a few hours is false confidence as you can still try to hook up with someone if you don't like yourself 100%.

Pua doesn't adress an individuals unique issues, it's a 1 size fits all deal, so how can it teach real confidence.

I did not say it taught real confidence, but if it teaches any confidence then it could be possible that one could change that fake confidence into real confidence without having to keep doing what PUA offers.

A lemons into lemonade type deal if you will.
 

Toadstool

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Great post, only thing, I don't think lack or absence of insecurity is confidence though. It can be for a person but for another they may be very insecure, with themselves or a new situation, and push past it.
I see pua ideology as fake confidence, I can compare it exactly to one of my best friends, he's insecure about a lot of things, on the surface a shy guy, but he throws himself into groups of people, chats up girls, he's good looking and clever so it helps. If you saw him in a club you'd think thats a confident guy, thought it myself in college when we met. But he has insecurities about his looks, his body, his not so great job. It's probably some confidence that he has to push past it, but mainly it's a fake confidence that he's learned or developed from practice, like pua teaches.
See?

This is exactly what I'm talking about. It's paradoxical. It's both things. How can someone be afraid/insecure AND confident at the same time?

I don't know. But your friend sounds like he's moving in the right direction and one day, I'm sure things are gonna "click" for him and he's gonna drop all of that internal nonsense and realize he's enough the way he is.

Then he becomes powerful.

On a separate note, I think "confidence" also has to do with PRO-ACTIVELY seeking out things you fear and doing that thing, even if it means pretending to be confident in the situation. I think it has to do with gathering a lot of experience under your belt and living life more fully.
I don't think it's something you can sit on a penis forum and contemplate and somehow come to a conclusion about.
And I really don't think that there's such a thing as fake vs real confidence. "fake" confidence, to me, sounds like a doorway into moving through your fears and into real confidence. It sounds like the proper path.
Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it.

Confidence, courage... it's something you DO. It's a behaviour, rather than a static state. That's my final thought on it.
 
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somebodyelse

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This is exactly what I'm talking about. It's paradoxical. It's both things. How can someone be afraid/insecure AND confident at the same time?

I don't know. But your friend sounds like he's moving in the right direction and one day, I'm sure things are gonna "click" for him and he's gonna drop all of that internal nonsense and realize he's enough the way he is.

Then he becomes powerful.

On a separate note, I think "confidence" also has to do with PRO-ACTIVELY seeking out things you fear and doing that thing, even if it means pretending to be confident in the situation. I think it has to do with gathering a lot of experience under your belt and living life more fully.
I don't think it's something you can sit on a penis forum and contemplate and somehow come to a conclusion about.
And I really don't think that there's such a thing as fake vs real confidence. "fake" confidence, to me, sounds like a doorway into moving through your fears and into real confidence. It sounds like the proper path.
Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it.

Confidence, courage... it's something you DO. It's a behaviour, rather than a static state. That's my final thought on it.


Nothing more to be said beyond this.
 

longerlastingnoob

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This is exactly what I'm talking about. It's paradoxical. It's both things. How can someone be afraid/insecure AND confident at the same time?

I don't know. But your friend sounds like he's moving in the right direction and one day, I'm sure things are gonna "click" for him and he's gonna drop all of that internal nonsense and realize he's enough the way he is.

Then he becomes powerful.

On a separate note, I think "confidence" also has to do with PRO-ACTIVELY seeking out things you fear and doing that thing, even if it means pretending to be confident in the situation. I think it has to do with gathering a lot of experience under your belt and living life more fully.
I don't think it's something you can sit on a penis forum and contemplate and somehow come to a conclusion about.
And I really don't think that there's such a thing as fake vs real confidence. "fake" confidence, to me, sounds like a doorway into moving through your fears and into real confidence. It sounds like the proper path.
Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it.

Confidence, courage... it's something you DO. It's a behaviour, rather than a static state. That's my final thought on it.
It is a hard line to draw between the two, but I still think the difference between being confident in yourself requires those issues and insecurities to be addressed. Never doing that, a person can be on this "right path" for a very long time without ever reaching it.
 

burtybasset

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I think you are one of those that have fooled themselves . I hope you don't get in a situation where it all unravels badly, I have seen it happen it's ugly.

I think you think too much! :heh:

But thanks for the concern, I'll be fine. And for the record I don't think your ugly, just look at that magnificent wingspan! :angel:
 

Pegasus

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See?

This is exactly what I'm talking about. It's paradoxical. It's both things. How can someone be afraid/insecure AND confident at the same time?

I don't know. But your friend sounds like he's moving in the right direction and one day, I'm sure things are gonna "click" for him and he's gonna drop all of that internal nonsense and realize he's enough the way he is.

Then he becomes powerful.

On a separate note, I think "confidence" also has to do with PRO-ACTIVELY seeking out things you fear and doing that thing, even if it means pretending to be confident in the situation. I think it has to do with gathering a lot of experience under your belt and living life more fully.
I don't think it's something you can sit on a penis forum and contemplate and somehow come to a conclusion about.
And I really don't think that there's such a thing as fake vs real confidence. "fake" confidence, to me, sounds like a doorway into moving through your fears and into real confidence. It sounds like the proper path.
Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it.

Confidence, courage... it's something you DO. It's a behaviour, rather than a static state. That's my final thought on it.

Oh god no! Some people make a life of false confidence .